Island Claws

Title: Island Claws

Director: Hernan Cardenas

Released: 1980

Starring: Robert Lansing, Steve Hanks, Nita Talbot, Jo McDonnell, Martina Deignan, Barry Nelson, Tony Rigo, Raymond Forchion, Dick Callinan, Dolores Sandoz, Frank Schuller, Mal Jones

Plot: When a leak at a Florida power plant dumps several thousand tons of toxic waste into the ocean it causes the local crab population to suddenly start growing to monsterious size and start moving in on the local population of a nearby fishing village.

Review: The sole film from director Hernan Cardenas while also written by Ricou Browning and Jack Cowden who also created “Flipper” making their move into writing a movie about killer giant crabs a perfectly logical one. This late entry in the animals run amok genre doesn’t exactly bring anything new to the genre outside of the fact that its about giant crabs which compared to the numerous shark movies out there is certainly one of the lesser seen creatures of terror. I mean even ants to my knowledge have clocked up more movies than our crustacean pals have but stumbling across this on Amazon Prime who recently have become almost shameless with the kind of movies they choose to stock their on demand library with I thought it was an interesting enough concept to check it out.

Opening to a research lab were they are conducting experiments in increasing the size of crabs using warm water and growth hormones as a warm to help increase the world’s food supplies, especially when they discover that the local crab population near the power plant have been growing bigger which of course is nothing to do with the fact that a few tons of toxic waste have been dumped in their part of the ocean which anyone up to speed on their movie logic will know already that movie radiation equals giant monsters compared to real life were it sadly this is never the case. It’s here though that we are introduced to journalist Jan (McDonnell) who is writing a story on the lab only to soon also get involved with scientist Pete (Hanks).

Elsewhere bar owner Moody attempts to keep the small town together by acting as their unofficial head as he keeps the peace amongst the locals usually by keeping them boozed up in his bar while he also acts as Pete’s adopted father after his parents were killed in a drink driving accident caused by Jan’s father who also runs the power station responsible for all the giant crabs. There is a small part which hints at bad blood between the two fathers but is as dropped as quickly as its introduced like so many of the sub-plots in the film which includes a group of Haitian refugees who wash up on the outskirts of town and hide out in the mangroves and whose sole reason for their inclusion seems to be so that Cardenas could work in an angry mob who thanks to some old school racist tendency believe that the Hiatians are to blame for all the strange happenings in town which they equate to voodoo reminding us once more that there are few things as dangerous as a group of drunks with an idea.

The crab attack are sadly pretty sparse here and for the most part involve actors working with a swarm of real crabs which are actually used pretty effectivly especially during one of the scenes highlights when they swarm the school bus which one of the locals Amos lives in with his attempts to battle the invading crabs showing us that the banjo is as little use as a weapon as it is an actual instrument.

The climax of the film though see’s the towns folk battling an 8 foot crab which somehow has managed to remain hidden until it suddenly destroys Moody’s house. Created by Glen Robinson who’d previously worked on effects for “King Kong” (1976) and “Flash Gordon which far exceeds the expectations of the films low budget especially when he built a complete crab and not just the front portion which you’d expect. While still an impressive looking design it sadly lacks any real movement meaning the actors are forced to run around a lot shooting at it with shotguns and generally trying to sell it as being more of a threat than it really is and perhaps Cardenas might have been better just sticking with his initial crab swarm.

The downside to the film other than the occasionally plodding plot threads certainly comes from the lack of lighting during the night sequences which really make it hard to see what exactly is supposed to be happening half the time, which one of the attack scenes is for the most part impossible to make out meaning that it lost much of its effect.

On the whole its not a bad film just not the sort of film that your likely to watch more than once and even then its throwaway entertainment at best especially if your a fan of the genre.

The Crow: City of Angels

Title: The Crow: City of Angels

Director: Tim Pope

Released: 1996

Starring: Vincent Perez, Mia Kirshner, Richard Brooks, Thuy Trang, Iggy Pop, Thomas Jane, Vincent Castellanos, Eric Acosta, Beverley Mitchell, Ian Dury

Plot: When mechanic Ashe (Perez) and his son are murdered under the orders of Los Angeles drug kingpin Judah Earl (Brooks) after they accidently witness a murder being carried out by his followers. Resurrected as the Crow Ashe now sets out to seek his revenge.

 

Review: It was always going to be a difficult task to follow on from the cult original film but believing that they could make a franchise out of the idea, the Weinstein’s offered the job to Music video director Tim Pope for his feature film debut. They also brought in David S. Goyer to write the script who at this point was yet to really make a name for himself having previously written the scripts for “Death Warrant” and “Demonic Toys” with this film sitting on the cusp of his mainstream success as he also working the scripts for “Dark City” and “Blade” at the same time he was writing this script.

Moving the story from Detroit to Los Angeles the look of the cityscape is still pretty much the same landscape of seemingly eternal darkness and urban decay. Despite this similarity Pope and Goyer had initially wanted to make a film which was different from the first film especially out of respect to Brandon Lee. who only for the Weinstein’s in their usual misguided wisdom to make demands for the film to be recut so that it was similar to original as possibly ultimately leading to both Pope and Goyer disowning the film as it no longer represented their vision. Goyer was especially dismayed by the changes having fought to cut out the resurrection of villains Top Dollar and Grange from the first film.

One character who does return from the first film as well as admittedly older is Sarah who is no longer the skateboarding tomboy of the first film but here is all grown up and working in the city as a tattoo artist and painter. Here she serves to fill in the mythology when required as she helps Ashe on his quest for vengeance. One of the potential scripts for the film had her returning as the female Crow, which while certainly a cool idea is one I was glad they didn’t go with for the film and even though Sarah returning wasn’t anywhere on the list of things I’d want to see from a sequel here it still works and her appearance also means we get to see Ian Dury showing surprising acting ability as her boss Noah.

Equally surprising in their acting ability is Iggy Pop whose acting C.V. is surprisingly more extensive than his brief appearances in “Tank Girl” and “Hardware” and here as one of Judah’s thugs “Curve” he makes up for turning down the role of “Funboy” in the original film and turns out to be one of the better aspects of the film and really gives us one of the more odious villains of the film and arguably the real villain of the piece had they choose to cut out the theatrical antics of Judah. It equally be noted that the amount of musicians appearing in the film would have been increased has the casting gone differently with Jon Bon Jovi originally being interested in playing the lead while Tori Amos was considered for the role of Sarah only for her to turn down the role.

The role of the Crow as played by Perez is thankfully not a rehash of the Eric Draven version of The Crow and even though the make up makes little sense that he would share the same dark Jester design. True Perez overplays the theatrical moments as seen during the scene he stalks Spider Monkey (Castellanos) which just comes off as deranged than intimidating. Still seeing him stalk his foes with his Spirit crow on his shoulder looks fantastic much like the scenes of him riding through the streets on his motorcycle. It’s just a shame that he’s not given anything to do which makes him any more than your usual action hero, only pulling out the one creative kill through the film and certainly giving us none of the themed kills while the Crow outlines often end up feeling forced.

The villains we get this time round are far from as defined as they were in the original film and ultimately come off as something of a mixed bag of undeveloped characters who like so many aspects of the film you can’t help but feel would have been much more effective had their characters been given chance to breathe. Sure they all have their own vices (drugs, voyeurism etc) but with the exception of the sole female member Kali (Trang) they are nearly all interchangeable. Worst of all is out supposed big villain Judah who is just a mess of theatricality and mystic nonsense. Perhaps Michael Wincott set the bar too high as “Top Dollar” in the first film but here everything about Judah feels like a poor imitation.

While the mythology of “The Crow” was kept simple in the original film here the film attempts to expand upon things so that its no longer the case that Ashe has his powers while the crow is alive, but also that its a power which can be transferred which feels like one of those ideas which might have worked in the script but only serves to take away from the film which in its final quarter ends up descending into mythical nonsense including Ashe being able to command a murder of crows which really add nothing to the film.

When I originally saw this film I honestly didn’t care for it, but now rewatching it and knowing what to expect it feels more frustrating to see glimpses of what could have been had it not been ultimately another casualty of Weinstein meddling. What it did give the franchise though was the potential to go anywhere it wanted essentially as no longer was “The Crow” just Eric Draven but essentially any person who was wronged and in the films / novels / comics which followed we have seen that principle creatively used aswell as the series “Stairway to Heaven” which ran for one season before being axed on a cliffhanger. In the scheme of the franchise this might not be the worst, but its a far cry from the best and as such provides little than a passing distraction for fans of the series and little really for anyone else.

Resident Evil

Title: Resident Evil

Director: Paul W. S. Anderson

Released: 2002

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, Martin Crewes, Colin Salmon

Plot: When the T-Virus is released in a secret underground facility called “The Hive” an elite military unit is sent in only to find the staff have been turned into zombies while a mysterous woman suffering amnesia named Alice (Jovovich) might hold the key to their survival.

Review: Paul W. S. Anderson might be one of the most frustratingly diversive directors currently working today as throughout his careers he’s danced between directing interesting original pieces such as his ram raiding drama “Shopping” and “Event Horizon” while at the same time spending a large chunk of his career making video game adaptations as he proved you can make a decent video game adaptation with “Mortal Kombat” before setting his sights on the “Resident Evil” franchise which somehow he has managed to turn into a franchise of its own.

Watching the film back when it was originally released I genuinely could not have predicted that the series would last as long as it has, let alone how much of a horror icon Alice would become and while I might have tapped out originally after this first entry I felt it was long overdue that I actually revisit the series if only to discover what it is about these films which has enabled them to keep churning out new entries which have increasingly moved away from the source material and into a post-apocalyptic near future.

Opening to a mystery scientist stealing the T-virus before unleashing the virus in the lab sending the facility into lockdown as he makes his escape, the employees of the Hive meanwhile assuming that its a fire drill shuffle around the hallways only to soon find themselves being targeted by the facility security system known as “The Red Queen”. It’s a fun scene especially when it includes a misguided attempt to escape from an elevator leaving one employee minus their head. From here Anderson really doesn’t let up on the tension as we are introduced to Alice lying on the floor of her shower with no memory of who or where she is, while the fact that she suddenly has a group of gas mask clad commando’s swinging through the window really doesn’t help things either.

While the opening might be packed with genuine tension and atmosphere, things soon start to go downhill as Alice joins the commando’s as they set about infiltrating the Hive. Here the plotting goes the way of a traditional zombie horror as the group manage to unleash the recently zombified employees aswell as a number of other genetic experiments the company has been working on. Thankfully though Anderson mixes things up enough her to stop this being just another zombie thriller as we get a number of fantastic set sequences such as Alice facing off against a group of zombie dogs and the now legendary laser hallway sequence. At the same time Anderson doesn’t feel the need to anchor himself to the source material which saw him turning “Mortal Kombat” into an “Enter the Dragon” remake with added supernatural elements. Here it is very much the case again as he opts not to include any of the characters from the games and outside of the mention of the “Umbrella Corporation” Anderson keeps many of the references to the game much more subtle.

One of the more interesting aspects of the film though is how the film can be viewed for the numerous references to “Alice in Wonderland” that are worked into the film making it little coincidence that our heroine is called “Alice” let alone the fact that the security system is named “The Red Queen” creepily represented by a hologram of its creators daughter. The original script also saw the inclusion of “The White Queen” who would have been the main AI system at the Umbrella Headquarters monitoring the Hive and counting the Red Queens security systems while explaining how the commando’s are able to access the Hive. Even though this was removed from the final script there are still plenty of other refrences to be spotted such as the entrance to the Hive being through a mirror (Alice enters through the looking glass), the white rabbit the virus is shown being tested on aswell as the Red Queen decapitating one of the group. Unquestionably its a unique approach while one subtle enough to be overlooked until its pointed out and much like the amnesia plotline it strangely works even though when I first watched the film on its original release I have to admit to being more than a little disappointed that while it had hints of the games such as the mansion and the secret lab underneath the characters and plotting where completely different.

My other bug bear with the film is just how sterile it is as Anderson sets up a fun moment of gore or a zombie attack only to cut away at the last second leaving you feeling cheated, especially if you’ve come up watching the classic zombie movies of the 70’s and 80’s which on the surface it appears that Anderson is keen to homage here (not a running zombie in sight) though sadly not their gut munching visuals. Intrestingly the Zombie godfather George A. Romero was at one point attached to write and direct the film only to abandon the project after numerous classes with the studio during the pre-production process with his version sticking more closely to the games with Jill Valentine being the female lead instead of Alice and I can’t help but wonder if his version would have given the film its much needed dose of gore that is noticeably missing here.

Despite the lack of gore Anderson still manages to craft some memorable zombie attack scenes including the group trying to escape the hordes using overhead pipes while the zombie attack scenes are all suitably tense and chaotic even if they do feel ultimately hollow thanks to the lack of gore. That being said the film could be seen as an entry level zombie movie for those not quite up for the gore of Romero’s Zombie saga yet not wanting to hokey antics of “White Zombie” and “Plague of the Zombies”. Yes this is not a perfect film, especially with so much clunky dialogue floating around but as a gentle starting point for zombie movies you really could do a lot worse.

The cast are really a mixed back here with Milla Jovovich getting to flex her action-heroine chops here after previously kicking a whole lot of ass in “The Fifth Element” and while she might do anything as spectacular here she does own the character of Alice, though I don’t think anyone could have guessed from this first film what an iconic character she would become. Michelle Rodriguez is equally fun as her tough commando counter with her casting coming at her own request being a fan of the games she had asked her agent to keep an eye out for any attempts to adapt them. Colin Salmon meanwhile continues to make me wonder who is actually casting him much like Alan Cummings as despite getting the best death of the movie is pretty horrible throughout his brief appearance here.

While this is far from a perfect film I did enjoy it more this time around than I did watching in on its original release. Perhaps this was because I knew what to expect this time around or maybe seeing how it fits into the larger vision that Anderson has turned it into with each new film. Even on its own this is pretty disposable fun though if your looking for a good zombie movie your attentions are best placed elsewhere.

Hellraiser 4: Bloodline

Title: Hellraiser 4: Bloodline

Director: Kevin Yagher (credited as Alan Smithee) / Joe Chappelle (Uncredited)

Released: 1996

Starring: Bruce Ramsay, Valentina Vargas, Doug Bradley, Charlotte Chatton, Adam Scott, Kim Myers, Mickey Cottrell, Louis Turenne, Courtland Mead, Louis Mustillo, Paul Perri, Pat Skipper, Christine Harnos, Michael Polish, Mark Polish

Plot: Engineer Dr. Paul Merchant (Ramsey) has sealed himself aboard “The Minos” a space station he designed as part of a final showdown he’s orchestrated with Pinhead (Bradley) as he reveals his families legacy and their part in the creation of the Lament Configuration to security officer Rimmer (Harnos)

Review: There’s a real sense of finality to this volume of the long running series and perhaps had the franchise not been questionably revived in 2000 with the Direct to DVD “Hellraiser: Inferno” perhaps this would have been the film to bring the series to a fitting close. Still during the pre-production series creator Clive Barker envisioned a three part film spanning three different time periods in an attempt to freshen up the series.

Despite Miramax giving the project the green light the project was compressed down into a single film which throughout its production remained a troubled one as both the cinematographer and Assistant director where replaced, while both the art department and camera crew were dismissed a week into the production. Somehow Yagher managed to still deliver the film not only only time but on budget yet Miramax executives where unhappy with the finished film and demanded rewrites to make Pinhead a prominent role determined it would seem still to make the character the poster boy for the series like Jason and Freddy had been for theirs, regardless of the fact that the “Hellraiser” films operated on more levels than a slasher. Yagher wasn’t overly opposed to these changes but instead was more concerned about the film drifting too far from the film he had turned in leaving the studio to bring in Joe Chappelle to implement the changes required to complete the film along the way cutting the film down from its original 110 min runtime down to 85, much to the dismay of Yagher who requested his name be removed from the film using instead the DGA pseudonym Alan Smithee.

Opening in the year 2127 which is always kind of a worrying sign that your franchise has gone into space seeing how its long served as where you put the franchise when your fresh out of ideas (see Jason X, Critters 4 and Leprechaun 4) but visualy its actually pretty intresting as here Yagher seems to be taking his set designs from “Alien” as Dr. Merchant remotely controls a robot to solve the puzzle box though why everyone seems to be sitting cross legged when they solve the box (robot included) remains a baffling oddity. From here though we flashback to the creation of the box in 1796 France by Dr. Merchant’s ancestor the French toymaker Phillip LeMarchand who makes the box for aristocrat and illusionist Duc de L’lsle (Cottrell) who gives the box its now all familiar power of opening a gateway to hell and which more interestingly he also uses to summon the demon Angelique (Vargas).

Angelique adds a new dimension to the series seeing how she is a demon in a human skin, in this case a former peasant girl and a far cry from the S&M favouring cenobites we have come to associate with the series. The relationship she shares with Pinhead is equally fascinating when he shows up in the modern day timeline to claim the soul of another of Dr. Merchant’s descendants this time the architect John Merchant whose skyscraper we saw at the end of “Hellraiser 3: Hell On Earth”. I just loved the idea that these two demons could approach their duties in such different ways with Pinhead being very much all business and likes to get straight into causing pain and suffering, while Angelique being an older demon prefers to corrupt her victims using temptation. Seeing such conflict makes a change of pace from just having Pinhead as the unquestioned leader even if this pairing is greatly toned down from the more violent relationship they shared in the original script. Sadly by the time we get into the future timeline and she has returned in Cenobite form she is a much more muted character and essentially just another member of Pinhead’s latest collective.

Pinhead gets a lot more depth added to his character in this entry, rather than just showing up and playing intimidation games with his intended victims, in this entry he is shown as actually having more of a goal than we have previously seen from him. Doug Bradley clearly realises the opportunity to flex his acting chops and really makes the most of his scenes, while selling this idea of the ongoing rivalry between the forces of hell and the bloodline of these characters who essentially take the role we’d no doubt expect to be represent by the forces of heaven in another production. True we might not get any great insights into his background or what drives him but the final confrontation between him and Dr. Merchant is another high point for the series and would have provided the perfect end note for the character had the allure of milking the franchise legacy for easy bucks not screwed things up.

As with the previous film the Cenobites here once more fail to live up to the legacy of the original group we got in the first two films even if they are certainly an improvement over the hodgepodge of ideas we got in the previous film. Cenobite Angelique is a forgettable design, while the Chatterer gets reworked into Pinhead’s pet dog known here as the Chatterer beast which is a fantastic design and practical effect. We also get a pair of twin security guards who are turned into the Twins cenobite which is another fantastic design and one which played a lot different than I expected. There is a scene around the halfway point of a chubby man being dragged into hell which I thought for a moment would be the creation of the Butterball cenobite which even though it might not have made sense in the time line would have still been nice to see, but sadly doesn’t happen here.

While the first past and present timelines have their interesting moments throughout, by the time we finally get back to the future timeline the events start to feel much more rushed leaving me to wonder if this segment had been where the most cuts had been made. More so when this segment really only serves to have the security team meet their demise in a number of gruesome and gory ways which have become such a cornerstone for the series though with the exception of a couple of deaths fall largely flat, while Rimmer killing the Chatterer beast screws up its pay off with the timing of its one liner which comes way too early to be effective.

This is by no means a perfect film, especially when it lingers for the most part around the ass end of okay, but at the same time the scope and ideas here make it such a fascinating mess and only more of a shame that like the entries which followed it has been largely forgotten it would seem as boxsets of the franchise always comprise of the first 3 films ignoring this film which truly can be seen as the end of that first saga. Yes it is a far cry from what the first two films established but at the same time for fans of the series its still an entry worth your time.

Prehistoric Women

Title:  Prehistoric Women

Director: Michael Carreras
Released: 1967
Starring: Michael Latimer, Robert Raglan, Edina Ronay, Martine Beswick

Plot: When jungle guide David (Latimer) is captured by a tribe of natives who plan to sacrifice him to their white rhino god, only to soon find himself sent back in time a prehistoric age and caught between two warring tribes.

Review: One of the more overlooked films which made up Hammer Horror’s brief jaunt into caveman movies with this film originally intended to be the A-picture on a double bill with “The Old Dark House” only for studio head (and the director’s father) James Carreras to view it as being below Hammer’s standards and instead used the film as the support feature for a double with “The Devil Rides Out”. This of course should hardly have surprised any involved in the production seeing how it reused a lot of the sets and costumes from “One Million Years B.C.” while being shot quickly over four weeks.

A disposable bit of titillating fluff at best, this film lacks from the start any of the charms of Hammer’s other “cave girl” movies such as “One Million Years B.C.” or “When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth” which the release of this film was sandwiched between. At the same time Michael Latimer bland lead lacks any of the Doug McClure charm whose own caveman battling antics in “At The Earth’s Core” or “Land That Time Forgot” this film could be mistaken for attempting to imitate only fall largely flat for the most part.

The plot once we get into the prehistoric world despite a strong setup however soon descends into a blondes versus brunettes storyline as our warring tribes of fur bikini clad ladies face off in this timeline were the brunettes have enslaved the blondes while being led by their beautiful Queen Kari (Beswick) who has enlisted the help of a rival tribe known as “The Devils” who favour wearing papier-mâché animal skull masks and what appears to be half a gorilla costume. Kari offering her slaves to “The Devils” as brides / sacrifices in return for their continued protection.  This ceremony in particular is fantastic to watch as outside of yet more obvious titillation the selected girl is then forced to sit on top of the stuffed rhino which is being worshiped by the tribe in a perhaps unintentionally funny sequence.

Unsurprisingly David is soon picked for mating by Queen Kari only to eventually spurn her efforts when he discovers how cruel her regime is. The other men in the film meanwhile are kept confirmed to the mines and its unclear if Kari’s tribe actually have any male members seeing how like their blonde counterparts they are made up entirely of attractive model types with director Carreras clearly looking to tap into that same market that had been so thrilled by Raquel Welch’s definitive fur bikini antics in “One Million Years B.C.”.

Martine Beswick is probably one of the more memorable aspects of the film as we makes up for her less than believable whip skills with a smouldering shark like beauty, making it more of a shame she doesn’t have a better leading man to play off against. Edina Ronay meanwhile is a likeable enough love interest who performance rests more on how good she looks than her performance which is only just alittle more animated than Latimer while also having the advantage of playing a cave girl so she doesn’t have to emote much.

It should be noted that anyone expecting some papier-mâché / stop motion dinosaur fun will find themselves sadly disappointed as the budget here clearly only stretched to one leopard and a stuffed rhino on casters which is essentially wheeled in the general direction of the cast.  The real action coming at the finale as the recently liberated male slaves uprise and battle the devils in the very obvious soundstage jungle in a fight which it’s hard to actually tell if they are winning or not. Still we get a few creative kills including a girl fight which ends with one of them being pushed into a spit aswell as a fun goring by a rhino.

While this might not be the most painful of viewings it’s disposable at best and all the more surprising that it came from Hammer, even if they were essentially just cashing in on an accidental trend here this is no doubt the sort of film that the teenage me would have loved. Yes there are moments of fun randomness throughout its just you can find the same things elsewhere and no doubt done better.

Death Race 2

Title: Death Race 2

Director:  Roel Reine
Released: 2011
Starring: Luke Goss, Fred Koehler, Taint Phoenix, Robin Shou, Lauren Cohan, Danny Trejo, Ving Rhames, Sean Bean

Plot: Set before the events of the original film as getaway driver Carl “Luke” Lucas (Goss) is sent to Terminal Island after a failed bank robbery. Here the Weyland Corporation currently run their televised gladiatorial fights known as “Death Match”. However with the audience waning a new event is needed and that event is “Death Race”

Review: A direct to DVD prequel to the surprisingly good Paul W.S. Anderson remake, who this time returns only to take on producing and scripting duties, while the directing reigns are handed over to Direct to DVD regular and favourite of WWE Studios Roel Reine.

With Jason Statham clearly not interested in returning here instead we get a prequel with direct to DVD regular Luke Goss taking over the leading man duties as he once more wheels out his bargain bin Statham act. At the same time its films like this which only serve to make me question what exactly Guillermo del Toro did to get such a great performance out of him in “Blade 2” and “Hellboy 2: The Golden Army” two films which are continually used to hock these lesser films and give the illusion of someone of some star power being involved. Here though it is a pretty charm free experience as we get a lot of gruff machismo as he essentially plays the same character that Statham did in the first film. Just one of the many moments of déjà vu which run through this film to say the least.

Joining Goss we see fellow Direct to DVD regular Danny Trejo who shows up as Luke’s mechanic Goldberg the only Mexican Jew. Tanit Phoenix meanwhile gets to provide the titillation as Luke’s navigator / love intrest and who like her character like all the female characters here has been drafted in solely for the purpose of providing sex appeal, more so when she shares zero chemistry with Goss. Ving Rhames and Sean Bean meanwhile continue their journey to direct to DVD fame with Bean putting in a fun villainous turn as Luke’s former crime boss employer. Only two member of cast return from the first film being Fred Koehler who appears once more as Lists the compulsive data collector while Robin Shou also returns as the Triad gangster 14K though sadly is once more given far too little to do.

Clearly aiming to fill in the gaps in the franchise history as we return to Terminal Island where currently they run gladiatorial battles to the death between the prisoners. The battles taking place in an arena filled with the same kind of pressure pads that we have in the races to release weapons. This in itself isn’t a bad idea to provide a gateway into the creation of the races, what is a bad idea is to spend half the film focused on these fights scenes especially when you’re selling the film under the “Death Race” header in a move that left me kind of confused to say the least. This wouldn’t have been a major problem if the fights had been shot with any kind of style or featured capable fighters both of which the film is lacking and further hindered by these scenes being largely shot with quick cuts and shaky camerawork which makes them hard to follow and this is before we watch Luke and the films main villain Big Bill (Oparei) engage in a flame thrower fight which might sound awesome but when you see the weedy flames these things produce, there is never any sense that either of them is in any kind of danger.

Once the film finally remembers that it’s supposed to be about you know a “Death Race” we get even more fighting as there are too many inmates for the vehicles they have. When it comes to the race segments for some reason they choose to just recycle the same vehicles from the first film only with different drivers and considering that all but two of these vehicles are destroyed by the end of the film, you have to question why they rolled out the same vehicles for the race in the first film especially when they are supposed to be using vehicles being broken down by the prison.

Unlike the first film the race scenes here pale in comparison thanks largely due to some clumsy direction and the shots of the drivers frequently appearing like they sitting in stationary cars. This however is not to say that the film is without its own standout moments, as the races manage to pull out a few surprises but when they are shot with such rapid cuts with none of the lingering shots or fancy car work of the first film you can’t help but assume that your just watching race footage cut out of the first film rather than anything specifically shot for the film. Why these scenes are so poor is something of mystery especially when we have the scenes of Luke’s getaway driving during the bank heist which are enjoyable enough, even if Reine has a strange obsession with shooting things in slow motion even if they don’t need to be perhaps in an attempt to raise the film about its budget limitations.

Hampered by questionable action scenes and a plodding script let alone one of the most boring and pointless sex scenes ever which does little for the audience unless they wanted to see the bare ass of Luke Goss which is put on full display here. The film does atleast try to fill in some of the blanks left by the first film, such as why all the navigators are female and how the races were created while the ending clearly has been done to set up the events of the first film, something which is essentially undone by the third film which is something of a shame when it perfectly explains how Frankenstein came to be.

Essentially the sequel you’d expect it to be especially considering the release type, its only the made the more frustrating when the film constantly hints at a better film lurking underneath that could have made this a more memorable sequel had the direction been tighter and the action scenes more traditionally shot as such this is really worth giving a miss or for the completists only.

Wish I Was Here

Title: Wish I Was Here

Director:  Zach Braff
Released: 2014
Starring: Zach Braff, Josh Gad, Ashley Greene, Kate Hudson, Joey King, Mandy Patinkin

Plot: Aidan (Braff) is a struggling actor living in LA while being supported by his wife Sarah (Hudson) and relying on his father Gabe (Patinkin) to send his kids to a good school.  However Aiden finds himself forced to examine his life when his father’s cancer returns.

Review:  Coming ten years after his critically acclaimed indie hit “Garden State” this follow up is probably better known for the controversy Braff caused by trying to use Kickstarter to fund part of the film after being inspired by the success of the “Veronica Mars” campaign to try the same for this film. It’s still unclear why everyone was so upset by this move, perhaps believing that Braff should be able to fund his own movie but yet these same people have little concern about raising funds to bring back MST3K which had a decent run to begin with.

Once again here Braff plays an actor (way to branch out) though here it’s clear that things aren’t exactly going according to plan as he goes from one failed audition to the next all while his wife Sarah is forced to work a tedious job in data entry to pay the bills while also being forced to share a cubicle with her douchbag co-worker who constantly makes inappropriate jokes about his penis. Despite the comfortable setup Aiden has for himself there is a sense of him feeling lost and without purpose, especially with his acting career having seemingly stalled and is only thrown into further confusion when his father stops funding the expensive Jewish school his kids had been attending and leading Aiden first of all on a misguided attempt to home school before ultimately re-examine what he wants to do with his life.

Despite clearly aiming for the same element of indie cool that his debut had it’s ultimately a missed bag of ideas that we ultimately end up with here as he drags his kids Grace (King) and Tucker (Gagnon) along with him on his journey of self-discovery, while his daughter deals with life outside of the tight restraints of her Jewish school, a situation she chooses to deal with by shaving her head and in doing so spends the rest of the film wearing a bright pink wig. Tucker meanwhile…..well not a lot changes for him as seemingly its enough for him to just be the bratty younger brother.

Elsewhere Aidan has to also help reunite his brother Noah (Gad) and father the two having drifted apart under Gabe’s continual criticism of his son, which has seemingly now turned Noah into a slovenly shut in. Sadly Gad is sorely under used here, especially when he so much fun when he is on the screen making demands for a Lego Death Star to babysit the kids or getting in an argument with his neighbour (Greene) over whether she should be classed as a furry while at the same harbouring feelings for her he’s seemingly only able to show via showing up in his own costume at Comic-con leading to one of the more original sex scenes ever.

While the key theme of the film is clearly about the discover of self, here Braff also appears to be asking the question of when if ever is it okay to let your dreams die, in this case Aiden’s refusal to give up on his acting career. With Aiden though so self-focused on his own journey it does at time feel that we are watching Braff play the cool babysitter running around with someone else’s kids rather than his own. At the same time Aiden frequently drifts off into “Brazil” inspired daydreams where he is running around as what appear to be a medieval astronaut, which Braff attempts to nail some importance on, but largely these come off more as whims and left off plot devices which could have gone somewhere but ultimately never do, something all the more frustrating when such importance seems to be placed upon them.  

Despite the plotting issues which run throughout the film it is another great cast which Braff has assembled here with Joey King once again proving herself a charming young actress and certainly a talent to watch. The downside though is that despite having a great cast, the script never gives many of them anything particularly interesting to do especially as in the case of Hudson who spends most of the film outside of her harassment plot line pushed to the back of the film and there mainly to provide the moral support and be the rock of her relationship with Aiden. Mandy Patinkin meanwhile is on hand to provide food for thought, but gives a very sedate performance even outside of his character dying from cancer, it feels like he was autopilot for the most part here.  

Outside of the issue the film is enjoyable enough, though lacking in the same spark which made “Garden State” such a memorable indie classic while at the same time leaving little to discover on a rewatch, especially when things generally happen around the characters as they move towards the inevitable conclusion of the film which you will no doubt see coming early on. Still as the kind of movie that you throw on a lazy Sunday you could do a lot worse while making me curious to see what Braff does next and whether “Garden State” was the fluke many now seem contempt to proclaim it as being.

Santa's Little Helper

Title:  Santa’s Little Helper

Director:  Gil Junger
Released:  2015
Starring: The Miz, Paige, AnnaLynne McCord, Eric Keenleyside, Kathryn Kirkpatrick, Maryse Quellet Mizanin

Plot: Dax “The Axe” is a fast talking and slick businessman who is in fact so good at his job that he manages to eliminate his own job. Now he finds himself unwittingly being put through a series of training exercises by elf Billie (Paige) in hopes of becoming the new Santa’s Little Helper.
 

 

Review:  After last year giving us a passable sequel to “Jingle All The Way” with their Larry The Cable Guy fronted and imaginatively titled “Jingle All The Way 2” this film now marks WWE Studios second attempt to cash in on the festive season with WWE Wrestler The Miz being given another lead role after seemingly becoming the face of “The Marine” franchise after he starred in part 3 and 4. This time he also joined by DIVA Paige who shows up as the devious elf Eleanor who feels she has earned the role as “Santa’s Little Helper”.

This film is also another of the occasional jaunts into more family friendly fare, with the company seemingly more happy to churn out action and horror films starring wrestlers from the WWE roster. No doubt this decision is largely based on the fact that most of their product is released for the DTV market with few receiving theatrical releases if any, while it could equally be down to the fact that none of these lighter movies have been any good with “The Chaperone” still haunting me now, more so when you have Triple H one of their biggest ass kickers being reduced to hamming it up in a kids caper movie.

Gil Junger doesn’t really give us anything groundbreaking from the usual festive fare, while in away highlighting how far he’s really fallen since making his directing debut with “10 Things I Hate About You” before moving onto directing mainly TV these days.  Here though he’s clearly working from a script which seemingly can’t decide who its audience is as it flits between family themed material and more adult jokes but never settling on either one leaving the film really at times feeling disjointed at best.

The main meat of the film is the usual arsehole turned good by the festive season fare with the recently fired Dax thinking he’s taking part in an interview and the tasks assigned to him by Billie being all part of the process. These tasks of course only getting more random as the film goes on as he starts by trying resolving conflict by ticking off a bunch of bikers before trying to cheer up some old folks which soon descends into him stripping for their amusement when they turn out to be more sexed up than they first seemed. For some reason Dax never overly questions any of these tasks, while constantly somehow managing to find a way to link them to various business moguls as he tries to figure out who he’s interviewing for.

Of course when Dax does find out the role he’s being interviewed for it does end up being a cringe worthy experience, as seemingly he could have been responsible for everything from curing the common cold to being an astronaut had his childhood been better. The fact that he’s so quick to accept the position and what it entails is only the baffling. Still in a change from the usual child actor gathering that tends to be every Santa’s workshop here all the elves are normal sized actors in their twenties while Mrs Claus constantly seems to be fixed on feeding everyone cookies.

Performance wise the Miz is surprisingly not too bad as an actor, especially when compared to some of the other performances we have seen from some of his fellow wrestlers over the years and here he has a very natural charisma even if some of Dax’s actions are far from believable. That being said his great chemistry with McCord keeps things fun even if none of the tasks seem to relate to anything remotely festive. McCord meanwhile is hardly being pushed here in the role of the bubbly pretty elf, who frequently makes reference to her deformity which is essentially an overplayed way of saying she has normal ears rather than the more traditional pointy ones, but the way it’s played here you would think it’s something much more drastic.

One of the main flaws the film has is the distinct lack of any kind of disenable threat, despite the film not throwing one but three potential villains at Dax. First we have the devious elf Eleanor played here also surprisingly well by fellow wrester Paige, who despite making a large number of threats about claiming he position of Santa’s Little Helper for herself fails to do very little outside of challenging him to an obstacle course race. Elsewhere the film tries to work in villainous turns from his former boss who wants to knock down the local community centre, aswell as the former centre manager who framed Dax when he was a teenager for stealing the Christmas donations. All of which ultimately fall flat and as a result leave the film with a disappointingly flaccid finale, even if it is kind of amusing to see Dax trying to take on a digger bare handed.

While the film doesn’t feel like a waste of time as a casual watch, its lack of substance and general plotting make it harder to recommend nor place it into the cult film bracket, but looking at the mountain of similar movies out there, it’s safe to say you could certainly do worse than this, while the Miz equally makes it a more bearable experience than it may have been with another member of the WWE roster.

Arena

Title:  Arena

Director:  Peter Manoogian

Released:  1989
Starring: Paul Satterfield, Hamilton Camp, Claudia Christian, Marc Alaimo, Shari Shattuck, Armin Shimerman, Michael Deak, Ken Clark

Plot: In the year 4038 an intergalactic boxing style sport simply known as “The Arena” takes place on an isolated space station. Now short order cook Steve (Satterfield) prepares to compete as the first human in 50 years to enter the contest.  

 

Review:  Back when the “Rocky” franchise was in its death throws following the abysmal “Rocky 5” there was an enduring rumour that the next film would see Rocky sent into space for some intergalactic boxing. I mean it worked for Muhammad Ali Vs. Superman so why not for the Italian stallion aswell? Thankfully this idea never happened but for those who felt it was a good idea, unsurprisingly via Charles Brand who ran with the idea for this DTV release which would be one of the last films to be distributed by his “Empire International Pictures” label a few years before it folded, with Band going on to form the now legendry “Full Moon Pictures”. Its also a film which I remember originally watching as a kid when my dad rented it for me from the video shop, based just on the fact I thought the cover was cool.

Paul Satterfield here plays the aspiring fighter Steve Armstrong who dreams of fighting in “The Arena” were humans have been essentially counted out as lesser fighters unable to compete with the more dominate races which it attracts. However after he unwittingly knocks out an arena fighter he finds himself being given a shot via Quinn (Christian) whose fighter he left unable to compete. At the same time his six armed best friend Shorty manages to land them both on the radar of the underworld boss Rogor (Alaimo) who is also the manager of the current champion Horn (Deak).

Encase its not clear already, this film honestly could not be more of a Rocky clone if it tried as here we get the underdog fighter aiming for the title and battling against the heavily stacked odds to make it. We even get a number of bizarre training sequences including one where Steve spars with a T-rex looking alien called Stitches who has tiny arms and essentially is there just to be punched by Steve. At the same time it’s also a film when there’s not a fight happening the film starts to drag.

It’s a shame that this film doesn’t have a tighter script as there really is something here with Manoogian creating a believable “Star Wars” inspired world full of interesting character / alien designs who inhabit the station and who are brought to life via practical effects, with some elements of stop motion for some of the bigger creatures. Instead due to the hit and miss script the film is left to try and carry itself on the entertaining fight sequences with questionable results.

Satterfield is a likeable lead and here receives strong support from the rest of the cast who include cult sci-fi legend Claudia Christian who brings her usual sultry charms to this film several years before she got her breakout role on “Babylon 5”. Marc Alaimo makes for a decent if subtle villain which is hardly surprising that he chooses to play it this way when he comes with his sneaky and appropriately henchman Weezil played by the legendry character actor Armin Shimerman as well as his fighter Horn, a monosyllable monitor who seemingly can’t say anything without turning it into a brag about his abilities.
 

The fight scenes are pretty varied while at the same time are equally varied in their quality, with the setup of the arena meaning that Steve can essentially put up against any fantastical creation that Manoogian could cram into the film. What only adds to this is that while in the arena, both fighters are balanced via a handicap system so that neither fighter has an advantage over the other while also meaning that we get to see such fun scenes as Steve taking on the towering Sloth with some sense of believability, even if the matches frequently seems to be wildly one sided even with this supposed handicap in place.  The fact that the film is using practical effects though only helps these scenes as they have the sense of presence that you just don’t get with CGI effects.
 

It frustrating when the fight scenes are so fun that the scenes inbetween are frequently so tedious with Steve lusting over Rogor’s girlfriend or the unfocused direction of his character who whines about coming to the station to compete, only to turn down the shot when its offered to him. We also have him wanting to head back to Earth only again to change his mind as soon as he gets enough for a ticket. As such it drags things down and really stalls the pacing of the film, especially when it leaves you hankering for the next fight scene.

While a flaws film it’s still watchable enough to give it a casual glance even if its to say you’ve seen “Rocky in Space”!

The Death of “Superman Lives”: What Happened?

Title: The Death of “Superman Lives”: What Happened?

Director: Jon Schnepp

Released: 2015
 

Plot: Documentary charting the development and eventual collapse of the failed 1998 Superman project “Superman Lives”

 

Review: Back before Superhero movies took over the box office with the cine-universe’s of DC and Marvel, superhero movies were few and far between with studios not seeing these kinds of movies as bankable, even despite the few standout movies such as the original Christopher Reeve staring “Superman” movies and most noteworthy Tim Burton’s “Batman” and “Batman Returns” which surprisingly didn't as expected lead to a host of imitators.

A project most people know about thanks to Kevin Smith regularly regaling audiences with his contribution to the project as the original screen writer as part of his Q&A sessions whenever given the chance. More recently though this project has generated a lot of discussion because it would have seen Nicolas Cage taking on the iconic role, but until now there’s never been any real attempt to explain what happened to the project outside Smith’s tales and that costume test photo of Cage in his Superman costume. Still funded through kickstarter, here Schnepp meets with all the major plays involved in the production with the exception of Nicolas Cage, whose contributions are shown instead through archive footage including footage of the costume tests which projected that photo as he attempts to find out what happened and why this project was ultimately scrapped so close to the start of filming.

Its kind of fitting that a production as messy as this one gets an equally disorganised documentary like we get here, let alone one which essentially insults its target audience by opening to Schnepp referring to them as “Nerds, Geeks….Sweaties”. Nice I know, but like so many of these documentaries funded through crowd funding this is a film which has more than a few flaws, while at the same time this documentary joins the recent spate of documentaries charting failed / troubled productions as it joins the likes of “Jodorowsky’s Dune”, “Doomed! The Untold Story of Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four” and “Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr Moreau”. This however falls at the later end of the scale as despite a wealth of interesting footage and some interesting stories it falls short as Schnepp’s film feels as if he could have benefited from a decent editor to trim some of the fat.

One of the other main problems here is that at no point does Schnepp attempt to explain the proposed plot of the film or any kind of outline, leaving those unfamiliar with the project to try and piece things together from scene descriptions as well as ideas for characters and sets which are discussed throughout. Yes we get numerous mentions of the film being based on “The Death of Superman” the Superman story which revived the series, by killing Superman, but again for those not familiar with these characters outside of the movies, it could have done with perhaps five minutes just to outline what the “Death of Superman” is about. As such I would recommend checking out the rather excellent Max Landis short film “The Death and Return of Superman” to give you more of a background than is offered here.

Interviewing seemingly everyone he could find who was attached to the project, the interviews vary greatly in what they add to the documentary with Kevin Smith on his usual fanboy form, while here finally gets to go further into the key scenes of his script while at the same time working in those more well-known parts of his involvement, which he reels off like a true raconteur and his sections in the first half of the documentary are easily amongst the most entertaining. Equally entertaining and more surprisingly is director Tim Burton, whose is seemingly more than happy to discuss the project, while it would seem looking at some of the footage may have been the one responsible for providing a lot of the test footage. At the same time he doesn’t seem to have any real answers as to why it fell apart.

The real key interviewee here though is producer Jon Peters, who could be seen as being villianised by the stories told by Smith, but here surprisingly admits to pretty much everything. At the same time it’s hard to tell if Peters believes he is portraying himself differently than how he comes across here which is as every bit the force of nature you’d expect him to be. Here he openly admits to choking out production team members, as part of his efforts to inject energy into them…..still not sure how that works, while the best thing is to hear him actually admitting to  his obsession with working a giant spider into the script for Superman to brawl with.

While certainly entertaining in places and showing enough behind the scenes footage, production sketches and props to satisfy those curious about the film which could have been, while the sheer scale of the ideas being covered in the script only makes it more frustrating that the film was cancelled so close to production. At the same time the film does feel that it runs too long and could have benefited from losing around 20 minutes of its runtime, rather than trying to work in every scrap of footage and every interview he could get. As such its ultimately works against the film making the last quarter feel sluggish and bloated. Still despite the flaws its worth giving a curious look if only to satisfy your curiosity as to what could have been or if only to see Nicolas Cage in his Superman costume.

Popcorn

Title: Popcorn

Director: Mark Herrier
Released: 1991
Starring: Jill Schoelen, Tom Villard, Dee Wallace Stone, Tony Roberts, Ray Walston, Derek Rydall, Malcom Danare, Kelly Jo Minter, Ivette Soler, Elliott Hurst, Freddie Marie Simpson,

Plot: A group of film students putting on an all-night horrorthon at an old cinema soon, find themselves being stalked by a crazed serial killer.

 

Review: One of those surprising films which haven’t for one reason or another managed to gain the cult status it deserves, this was a film I was recently introduced to by Jason from “Your Face” who picked at as one of his two films when he came on the podcast. Unlike his other selection “Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama” this was a film which immediately grabbed me unlike the previously mentioned film which honestly might have killed this blog had it not been for this film.

While the film has a simple slasher premise, were the film really stands out is with the films which the students have chosen show, all of which come with their own William Castle inspired gimmick! These films include

Mosquito – a giant bug movie and throwback to b-movies like “Them”, the film uses Castle’s “Emergo”

gimmick from “House On Haunted Hill” replacing the Skelton which whizzed on a line above the audience’s head with a giant mosquito.

The Attack of the Amazing Electrified Man – A bizarre movie featuring scientists devising a serum to survive the electric chair (not sure why but still) only for the test subject to turn into a human dynamo who electrocutes anyone he touches. This film uses the gimmick of “Shock-o-Scope” which is essentially Castle’s “Percepto” he used for “The Tingler” and gives viewers an electric shock to their chair at a key moment.

The Stench – a badly dubbed Japanese movie, which uses the Smell-O-Vision, one of the few gimmicks not used by Castle, but was used in “Scent of Mystery” aswell as with the scratch and sniff cards issued for John Waters “Polyester” were everyone essentially paid Waters to sniff a fart.

Better still we get to see parts of these films throughout as they are used as films within a film, with each of these films being real cornball spoofs of the b-movies they are paying homage to and with the first two certainly give the film frequent bursts of fun.

Meanwhile the main plot of the film suffers not only due to a lack of pacing, but also from trying to combine a number of random plot ideas into the same film as film student Maggie (Schoelen) suffers from a strange reoccurring dream of a strange man trying to kill her, which she’s also attempting to turn them into a screenplay. The group meanwhile find a short experimental film called “Possessor” whose creator killed his family on stage when the film was originally shown.  On top of all this and the b-movies being shown we also have the serial killer who has the ability to turn himself into anyone he wants using latex masks.  This of course is the simplified version, as we also get a number of random scenes such as Maggie’s mother going to the movie theatre and being hit by letters which fly off the marquee which are then replaced by the title “Possessor”. Things only get stranger when she enters and the film playing on the screen starts talking to her, seemingly indicating that something supernatural is happening in the theatre, which of course its not making it you wonder all the more why these scenes much like the character of Dr. Mnesyne who shows up and then randomly disappears without a reason ever being given.

It’s hard to say were the blame for the flaws in the film lye especially with the films original director Alan Ormsby being replaced by Mark Herrier during filming and for whom this remains his sole directing credit. Ormsby meanwhile still directed all three of the films featured within while Herrier handled all the present day footage. It of course only makes me wonder what Ormsby would have done different had he directed the whole film, especially when his b-movie segments are amongst the strongest parts of the film.

Filmed in Kingston, Jamaica not that you would realise it, this does however go some way to explaining the two random reggae interludes, which seem to go down well with the kids in the theatre, even if it does seem out of place, much like when the reggae band showed up in “Never Been Kissed”. Also for such a niche movie going experience they manage to attract a full house of people many in random monster costumes which have nothing to do with any of the films being shown.

As a slasher there are some great inventive kills here, with most tying in some way to the film being shown, such as being impaled on the giant mosquito. The most creative though sees one of the teens being wired into the control board which controls which seats are given electric shocks. So while the shocks are being given out, he is trying to escape before the switch connected to his own chair is triggered. We also get a random scene of a character panicking that he is stuck in a toilet with an activated stench capsule, when there is clearly room to either climb over or crawl under the door!

As I mentioned already the film suffers heavily with its stop start pacing, which really stopped me from enjoying what is when it works a pretty fun film and one I would rate higher if there wasn’t so many scenes which seemed to do nothing but slow the film down. Still as a homage to the gimmicks of William Castle this film really has some nice touches, while the killer’s gimmick of using masks to impersonate members of the group is really great even his motive  ultimately feels slightly convoluted, especially when you see his final game plan. Still if you want a slasher with a side order of schlock then this much overlooked film could be for you.

Sharknado

Title: Sharknado

Director: Anthony C. Ferrante

Released: 2013

Starring: Ian Ziering, Jaason Simons, Cassie Scerbo, John Heard, Tara Reid, Aubrey Peeples

 

Plot: A freak hurricane has caused hundreds of sharks to be scooped up in water spouts which are now flooding the city with shark-infested water. Surfer and bar owner Fin (Ziering) realising what is happening sets off with his friends Baz (Simons) and Nova (Scerbo) and bar drunk George (John Heard) to rescue his ex-wife April (Reid) and teenage daughter Claudia (Peeples) from the impending disaster.

Review: It’s safe to say that there are some film plots which only one studio would be bold (read insane) enough to attempt, as “The Asylum” prove once more here by bringing another fourteen year old’s fantasy to life, as they take a break from harassing the latest summer blockbusters, with their legendry Mockbusters from which the company has built its legacy on, having previously given us the likes of “Snakes On A Train”, “Transmorphers” and my personal favourite “Sunday School Musical”.

Seeing how many of these bargain basement style movies resolve around either sharks or hurricanes, I was half surprised to not see the poster for this one screaming “Sharks and Hurricanes Together At Last!!”.  Still since the Asylum got on the radar of even the average movie goer with “Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus” they have made several attempts to recapture that same level of impossible to fulfil excitement they generated with a single shot of a giant shark leaping out of the sea to eat a plane, with previous attempts such as “Sharktopus” and “2-Headed Shark Attack” coming close, but it was when they released this image as part of their promo work for the film, that they saw that same level of interest once more.

Baring all the usual marks of questionable film making the Asylum have become so renown for the film opens randomly with a bunch of shark fishermen doing shady deals with an evil Japanese businessman, before they are suddenly consumed by a swarm of hungry sharks. It’s a random way to open the film, especially seeing how it has no relevance to anything which follows, but then the same could be said about the rest of the film, seeing how it flounders from one plot point to the next, as director Anthony C. Ferrante tries to ties together one random scene to the next.

As to also expected from the Aslyum they have once again dredged the has been actor ranks to put together their latest cast, as only further highlighted by the casting of Tara Reid whom for which this seems to be her usual output these days, having long since fallen from her glory days of “American Pie”. Supposedly she signed up for the film on the title alone, which would be more believable if the state of her career wasn’t as in such a slump, something I don’t think will be changing here seeing how bored she seems throughout. However despite not having a cast high in star power, they have still found a strong lead with Ziering best known for his years on “Beverly Hills, 90210” aswell as more recently performing with the Chippendales which E! Seemed to deem to be highly important during their coverage of the film. Still here is a likable and believable hero , while sharing a good on screen chemistry with both ex Baywatch star Simons and Scerbo, to the point where I was actually disappointed when they added Fins Ex-wife and daughter into the mix, let alone the random inclusion of his son whose appearance seemingly comes out of nowhere.  This threesome make for a fearsome shark fighting force, if alas one that can’t seemingly resist any opportunity for a disposable one liner. One Tag along member of their group I did wish they had used more was Barfly / Drunk George who is way to underused, especially with his  frequently hilarious antics such as his insistence on carrying his barstool around with him constantly, even using it as a shark club on occasion. While Heard might be slumming it by appearing here, he manages to make the character a much more likable character than he would have probably been had he been played by anyone else, especially when it character essentially consists of ramblingly drunkenly about whatever is happening around him.

Surprisingly for a DTV shark movie, there is a surprisingly large amount of gore on show, as the film for the most part avoids the usual sudden cutaways which seem to be current trend and instead gives us a few prolonged attacks and even a couple of shots of mauled limbs which made for a refreshing change of pace, even if most of the shark attacks largely consist of horrible CGI sharks leaping up at equally questionable CGI renderings of the character being attacked. It would seem though that director Ferrante’s man focus here is in finding a way to rack up as high a body count as possible, as especially seen during the opening beach attack which sees any character standing in 2 inches of water suddenly being attacked by unseen sharks.  The main gore here though the man on shark violence here, which is where the film really gets creative, with exploding airtanks, shotguns and even a cabinet being used to combat the killer sharks. Elsewhere Ziering gets to tap into his inner Bruce Campbell, as he spends the last quarter of the film running around welding a shotgun / chainsaw combo, both of which he proves himself especially handy with even diving inside a shark to minutes later chainsaw his way out!

While limited in the budget it is still largely an entertaining affair, while frequently intentionally hilarious due to its low production values, which see’s CGI rain falling on bone dry streets and the weather suddenly changing from stormy to bright blue skies. However if the film has one main failing, it is that it is let down by its script more than its effects seeing how at this point, most fans of the asylum’s output will be already familiar with their level of film workmanship.  Even with this expectation though the script only brings things down, especially once Fin has rescued his ex-wife and daughter which is also the moment that you release that the film is only halfway through. From this point it constantly seems to be the group moving from one random scene to the next as the film loses all sense of direction, before ending with a half-baked finale involving using home made bombs to stop the water spouts ravaging the city.

Unsurprisingly considering the amount of attention this film got on its release, the unimaginatively titled sequel “Sharknado 2: It’s Coming” (Surely “Sharknami” would have been the way to go) was pushed through pretty quickly, with the Asylum ensuring that they continued the madness is set to continue, while this film remains the kind of movie you might enjoy if stumbled across while late night channel surfing, but not one worth the effort of hunting down.