The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Title: The Hills Have Eyes

Director: Alexandre Aja

Released: 2006

Staring: Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Emilie de Ravin, Dan Byrd, Tom Bower, Billy Drago, Robert Joy, Ted Levine

Plot: After breaking down in the desert a family find themselves being hunted by a group of Cannibalistic mutants

Review: Out of the new breed of Horror directors of recent years few have managed to reach the same levels of the masters of horror who came before them, while even more frustrating the ones who showed true potential such as Eli Roth, now seem to have lost their way with Roth seemingly these days more interested in producing and giving questionable performances as an actor. Still since I saw Director Aja's debut film “Haute Tension” released in the UK under the grindhouse esq title “Switchblade Romance” and the more straightforward title interpretation of “High Tension” for it’s US release, he has been for myself a Horror director worth watching and this film only further cemented for me that reputation, for it is one thing to remake a classic horror film, but to be personally hand picked by the films original director and Horror legend Wes Craven after he was shown Aja’s debut by his long time producing partner Marianne Maddalena, to helm the remake of a film which was once branded the scariest movie ever made, leading to a fun rivalry between Craven and Sami Rami, who would also reference the original in a film I'd also give that title to “The Evil Dead”.

Teaming up once again with his creative partner Grégory Levasseur to devastating effect once more, as right from the start Aja lets the audience know that he’s not going to be pulling any punches, from the opening pick axe attack on a group of scientists, to his opening title montage which combines nuclear testing footage with intercuts of birth defects caused by Agent Orange in Vietnam, yet still hauntingly manage to double as convincing effects of nuclear fallout. Needless to say it’s a gruesome and shocking foundation that he only builds on, from this moment onwards, though showing a maturity to lure the audience into a false sense of security teasing out the next attack which again proves to be as equally effective as like the family the audience is bombarded with chaos and confusion, with the second of these attack seeing things taken perhaps alittle to far, especially as it descends into a rape and murder party which does have the feeling of Aja pushing things perhaps alittle too far, while at the same providing the catalyst for the change in seemingly eternal pacifist Doug (Standford), who is shown as an academic and thinker unlike his more openly aggressive and testosterone driven father in law Big Bob (Levine). It’s only after the mutants attack that Doug snaps and pretty much goes postal, much like David in “Straw Dogs” (1971) were an equally horrific (but unconvincingly acted by Susan George) attack on his wife leads him to abandon his academic persona for more primal urges and it’s a key reference used by Aja and further highlighted by Doug’s broken glasses.

When it comes to the gore, once again Aja isn’t pulling punches as to be expected and if revenge is a dish best served cold, then the revenge Doug hands out is Icy cold with his change startling to say the least, as he changes from someone who actively avoids confrontation, to a man running on pure survival mode as he turns the tables on the mutants by actively hunting them down with the family dog Beast whom also seems to undergo a similar change for some unknown reason) . The gore quota is giddily high here, as limbs are lopped off and violence is kept primal especially at the hands of the mutants, who at the same time they still maintain a high level of intelligence and able to pull off planned attacks on the family and seen communicating via Walkie-Talkie, yet frustratingly there is little depth given to the mutants beyond their surface abnormalities, so any theories on the chain of leadership is left with the audience to figure out for themselves. Still I loved the fact that the mutants live in a town made for nuclear testing and that they are creations as a result of those weapons of death and destruction, characteristics they now choose to embody.

The mutant appearances are all very much grounded in reality with Aja and Levasseur looking at the effects of nuclear fallout in places such as Chernobyl and Hiroshima, aswell as more bizarrely a Pogues concert which the pair attended while in Chicago, while the effects used are a highly impressive mixture of flawless CGI and old school effects, allowing them to create some hideous looking creations, with each of the mutants having their own individual look, making them easy to distinguish between and allowing what little characterisation there is to come across alot clearer.

While it might have the disadvantage of being a remake, Aja has managed to rise above the comparisons to the original and is very much it’s own creation and more than capable of holding it’s own against the original, making it one of the few remakes to match up to the original, while Aja manages to bring enough original ideas to prevent the feeling of over familiarity which often comes with remakes and it only makes it more of a shame that he opted not to come back for the sequel, which although more original, lack any of the edge that this film has even if the tastefulness of some of the scenes can certainly be questioned, while at the same time only furthering my opinion that Aja is a modern horror director worth keeping an eye on.

Doomsday

Title: Doomsday
Director: Neil Marshall
Released: 2008
Staring: Rhona Mitra, Bob Hoskins, Malcolm McDowell, Alexander Siddig, David O’Hara, Craig Conway, Adrian Lester, Chris Robson, Leslie Simpson, Sean Pertwee, Darren Morfitt

Plot: In 2008 the reaper virus was discovered in Scotland, infecting hundreds and killing millions, leading the authorities to quarantine Scotland from the rest of England to prevent the prevent the virus spreading further. Three decades later the virus appears again in London and Eden Sinclair (Mitra) and a team of specialists have been sent back to Scotland to search for the elusive Dr. Kane (McDowell), while in the time since the quarantine has caused those who survived to become brutal savages



Review: For one reason or another I’ve never got around to watching this film until recently when it happened to be on “Sci-fi”, so recalling that it was somewhere in depths of the “Lovefilm” rental list I thought I’d actually give it a watch, especially seeing how the list currently stands around 475 queued titles, I doubted that it would be getting watched anytime soon otherwise, especially with the reviews on it’s initial release being pretty much meh! With this in mind I can’t say that I was exactly expecting much from this film.

Right from the start there is a creeping sensation of Déjà vu, as the military forces gun down a frenzied mob of the potentially infected, in scenes all to reminiscent of “28 Weeks later” (2002), with this feeling only growing throughout when it suddenly becomes clear that Marshall is attempting to use the Tarantino style of film making by scrapbooking and adapting scenes and ideas from his favourite films and while Tarantino takes his inspirations and gives them his own unique spin to create a multi layered homage to the cinema he adores, were as here Marshall seems to be simply cutting and pasting scenes were needed into his Scottish setting, which at times seems to the sole original element on hand and while it largely works, it certainly took me more and more out of the film, every time one of these lifted sequences appeared as I tried to remember were I’d seen them before, with the inspirations coming from the predictable such as “Escape from New York” (1981) and “Mad Max” (1979) with Eden’s character being an amalgamation of the leads of those two films, with the loner attitude and eye patch of New York’s Snake Pliskin and the cold personality of Mad Max’s Max Rockatansky with both drawing this nature from their surroundings aswell as the trauma of losing a loved one, with Eden losing her mother during the opening riots, causing her to become isolated from the rest of society. Still despite being a combination of two of cinema’s greatest antiheroes, Eden stands up well which is no doubt largely on part to a believable performance by Mitra, seen here in one of her first leading roles, with the original intention of giving her a handful of witty one liners being thankfully removed, while more questionable aspects such as her bionic eye work surprisingly well, while only adding more much needed originality to her character. Still both of those films director atleast get some recognition in the form of Soldiers Miller and Carpenter, though this felt like brick to the face in the terms to subtly much like Marshall’s blatant plagiarism of ideas.

Marshall’s vision for his quarantined Scotland is certainly an interesting one as the action is split between the apocalyptic and savage city, which I’m sure we are supposed to assume, is Glasgow which is now under the anarchic rule of Kane’s son Sol (Conway) who is one half psycho while the other half is pure side show barker as he rules the punk like Marauders with a mixture of violence and alternative cabaret which also includes an interesting use of the Fine Young Cannibals track “Good Thing” which has a whole bunch of interesting imagery now attached to it, thanks to this film like much of the 80’s influenced soundtrack, with Marshal originally aiming for an equally 80’s synth track, but later opting for a heavy orchestra score instead.
The flip side to Marshall’s vision comes in the form of Dr. Kane’s Medieval influenced empire, were he has established himself as a Col. Kurtz esq figure and despite the country being in quarantine it certainly hasn’t stopped his group from using authentic looking medieval outfits and weapons, yet no mention of how he managed to convince his numerous followers to go along with the idea of taking things literally medieval. This sudden change of surrounding does however mean that you end up feeling that the group have somehow stumbled into another movie altogether.

The action sequences are all handed well from the city foot chase sequences and Mitra handles herself well in a fist fight with Marshall providing a good action quota throughout and even finding space for a couple of car chases, which again draw heavily from their inspiration with the first taking it from “Aliens” and the second seeming like a mash up of the best bits of the Mad Max trilogy, with the location being exchanged for the Scottish Highlands, which although it’s exciting to watch in places with some clumsy camera placement causing the illusion of high speed to seriously be lost to the point were pedestrians would no doubt be moving quicker than some of the vehicles..

As a director Marshall hasn’t really won me over with his films to date with both “Dog Soldiers” (2002) and “The Descent” (2005) being largely forgettable, while his last film “Centurion” (2010) was enjoyable enough but not enough to make him a director worth watching for future projects and I can’t say that this film really changed that opinion, even though it surprisingly proved to be a largely fun film despite it’s flaws, while it’s blatant plagiarism prevents it from becoming little more than disposable fun, even though Marshall seems all set to take us back to the Apocalyptic highlands judging by the open ending, I personally think that one trip is more than enough for most but the least cinematically educated of viewers.

The Final

Title: The Final
Director: Joey Stewart
Released: 2010
Staring: Marc Donato, Jascha Washington, Whitney Hot, Julin, Lindsay Seidel, Laura Ashley Samuels, Justin S. Arnold, Travis Tedford, Eric Isenhower, Vincent Silochan, Farah White, Zacherias Judge.

Plot: After being a target of the popular kids for years, a group of misfits and outcasts band together to plot their revenge on their tormentors.




Review: High school is hell! This is the general opinion I had of school which I recall as a daily ritual of beatings and humiliation, before going to college and truly finding myself, while those who tormented soon struggled and dropped out as they failed cope with no longer being the big fish in the little pond, so guess karma has a way of working things out. Still perhaps it’s because my own school days were so similar to the bullied teens seen here in this film, that in many ways I can relate to their plight, after all who hasn’t thought about getting revenge on someone whose sole purpose in life seems to be about making yours as miserable as possible, while at the same time certainly making it ripe for a horror twist.

While there might have been films in the past which have looked at similar themes of revenge on the tormentor such as Larry Clark’s explicit “Bully” (2001) and the slightly lighter “Mean Creek” (2004), while “Elephant” (2003) and “Zero Day” (2003) attempted to attach the theme to recreating the events of the Columbine High School Massacre, still for horror films this as far as I’m aware is a first, seeing how previous films have always focused on the individual pushed too far rather than a group and it’s this slight twist which certainly makes it more interesting, while also making it awhole lot more plausible, especially when their tormentors easily reach into double figures and to have one person extracting revenge against them all would no doubt have not been able to maintain the same level of focus that this film does on ensure that the so called victims know exactly why they are there.

The group are the usual collection of misfits and outcasts, all bullied and tormented for similar reasons, while the majority of them also have equally disturbing family lives with Ravi’s (Silochan) family barely communicating with each other, while Dane’s (Donato) parents are shown to be constantly fighting, as home provides little in the way of shelter for these teens who are all brought together under the leadership of ringleader Dane, who identifies their similarities to each other and entices them in with his plans for revenge. It’s strange though that once the revenge begins that he takes a backseat to the torture games instead preferring to torment the tormentors with extensive monologues and leaving the rest of the group to carry out the grunt work, ironically only getting his hands dirty when it comes to keeping the rest of the group in line with his plans.

Having lured thier tormentors to a mock costume party we see the group at the start of the party in their innocent looking costumes, which soon change to much more twisted ones once they get their tormentors were they want them, having drugged them all with a spiked punch, as if the second costumes are supposed to represent the darker alter ego’s of the group at the same time with their first costumes representing their usual faces of false innocence they present on a daily basis. The second costumes are also clearly designed to reference other horror films with Emily’s (Seidel) costume in particular basically being a copy of the one seen in “Audition” (2000), a reference only made all the more clearer once she starts her own brand of acupuncture on one of the male jocks.

While the film quickly descends into becpming yet another torture flick, director Stewart atleast bothers to stop the scenes from becoming the usual mix of gratuitous violence and prolonged torment, keeping the focus purely on revenge via Dane’s taunts as he addresses their captives and by also keeping the revenge aspect until the second half of the film, using the first half wisely to make the bullies as evil and vicious as he can. Still the revenge aspect atleast bothers to be slightly more creative than the host of Hostel clones we have seen in the last couple of years, as acidic skin cream and a cattle gun all come into play, with Jack (Isenhower) and Emily dishing out the majority of the revenge, with a focus on disfiguring and maiming their tormentors, before unceromonsley dumping them in the back room and moving onto the next victim, which was kind of a change from the usual torture to death, much like the fact that the group are more than willing to let their captive to walk out, knowing all to well that they will not only have to negotiate a maze of bear traps, but also the homicidal mute triplets who happily hunt down for sport those who want to take their chances in the woods. Still the worst torture of the whole film has to be when Jake starts playing the banjo, which irritatingly soundtracks the majority of scenes in a clear reference to Deliverance with the redneck vibe only added to by Jack’s Scarecrow costume. Now this is not to say that he is not talented, as he clearly know how to play the instrument, it’s just that it’s not exactly the most ideal instrument for building tension in a scene and in fact the majority of times it was used only took away from the film, much like the inclusion of the war veteran neighbour, whose inclusion could have easily been emitted.

While Stewart throws up a couple of twists throughout the film, such as the neutral friend Kurtis (Washington) who is seem befriending both groups, even sticking up for his bullied friends when he finds out how they have treated Bradley and it was his character which proved the most surprising twist, especially when the group soon begin to fall apart over what judgment he will face, with Dane soon being blinded by his hate while the others members of the group soon begin to suspect that he has lost focus from their original intentions as only highlighted by the ending which in many ways was almost predictable, seeing how the film has worked itself into a corner by this point and almost feel like Stewart is afraid to have the film without the group facing any form of punishment for their actions and even more so that he would be seen portraying the groups actions as an acceptable way for equally bullied viewers to deal with their own issues, though the setup is so clearly fantastical it would be doubtful that anyone could see it as a how to guide to dealing with bullies.

Originally released as part of the “After Dark Horrorfest” which has showcased equally noteworthy films such as “The Hamiltons” (2006) and “Frontier(s)” (2007) and this film is equally noteworthy as it is flawed, but for trying to do something different with an overly stale sub genre of horror, it’s worth giving a look even if the groups actions are ultimately questionable.

The Running Man

Title: The Running Man
Director: Paul Michael Glaser
Released: 1987
Staring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Conchita Alonso, Richard Dawson, Yaphet Kotto, Marvin J. McIntyre, Mick Fleetwood, Professor Toru Tanaka, Gus Rethwisch, Jesse Ventura, Jim Brown, Erland Van Lidth, Dweezil Zappa

Plot: After being framed for a massacre he tried to prevent Ben Richards (Schwarzenegger), escapes from prison with two members of the underground resistance William (Kotto) and Harold (McIntyre). Plotting to escape the country he soon finds himself drawing the attention of Damon Killian (Dawson) who soon is pulling the strings to line up Ben and his friends as the latest contestants on his hit show “The Running Man” were they will be given a change to win their freedom, providing they can survive that is.




Review: Made at the tail end of his action films period before he moved onto more lighter subject matter, “The Running Man” for one reason or another seems to be frequently forgotten when fans reel of their favourite Arnie movies, which is a shame as it has all the trademarks of his Golden years I.E: One liners, cigars and a healthy dose of OTT action sequences, all of which are present and accounted for here, as well as the usual excuses for Arnie to show off his super strength. So if it ticks so many boxes why then is it so frequently overlooked? Sure that I was rating it so highly, due to the rose tinted glasses of nostalgia clouding my opinion I knew it was time to revisit what I honest belive is an underated classic.

Set in the near future of 2025 America, the film has the look of the majority of the 80’s post apocalyptic movies and when combined with a dated electro score by Harold Faltermeyer who with his synthesiser soundtracked some of the most iconic movies of the 80’s and it’s that same period were the score along with so many of this film keeps it firmly as a piece of classic 80’s nostalgia, while furthering the myth that the 80’s were better than they actually were. Still the idea of reality TV pushed to the extremes being explored in the film, feels only all the more relevant now, than it did upon the films release, with reality shows in recent years seeing contestants living on a rubbish dump as well as seeing who can stay awake for a week without sleep and with producers only continuing to scrape the barrel for ideas and push the boundaries of good taste, so how long is it before we see convicted criminals being executed for general entertainment?

It would seem that aswell as reality shows in 2025, society has also become a lot more obsessed with violence not only with the titular game show but also in a brief scene from “Climbing for Dollars” in which contests climb a rope to grab easy cash, while attack dogs jump eagerly directly below them, while a framed poster in Damon’s office advertising “The Hate Boat” only further emphasises the general mood of this alternative America, with TV being used as a general distraction from the failings of the government, giving TV Executives like Damon a power comparable to that of the government, as they essentially tell the masses what they should think and believe, even more emphasised by his audience shouting out their declaration of love for him at the start of the show and showering the audience with prizes to only further reinforce their material love for him. Still the casting of Dawson as Damon is an inspired piece of casting comparable to that of casting Jerry Springer in “Citizen Verdict” (2003), especially with Dawson being best known as the host of “Family Feud” and “Family Fortune” with his game show host persona jacked up to another level here, as Dawson is clearly having a blast playing Damon, as he plays the audience with smiles while having a truly ruthless side off camera, aswell as being the only baddie to have a comeback for Arnie’s trademark “I’ll be Back” in which he calmly responds with “Only in a rerun” which could honestly be one of my favourite moments of the film.

Plot wise the film rumbles along at a quick place, soon becoming a two thread story, as the action shifts between Ben and Co. as they make their way through the zones, facing off against the various stalkers, with the second main thread concerning Damon and his production team as they struggle to maintain control on the show, especially when Ben takes on a cult status with the audience who are soon backing him to win, rather than backing any of the shows stalkers with Ben inspiring the masses to fight against the brainwashing media and start thinking for themselves.

The cast outside of Arnie are all pretty much cult actors, with the majority of them getting their most recognisable roles, before slinking back into obscurity as is the case with the majority of the “Stalkers” with the only two perhaps recognisable for the more cult obsessed movie goer as is the case of Tanaka (still no idea what he is a professor of though) and more the more noteworthy Van Lidth, who is probably most memorable as the monstrous leader of “The Baldies” in the frequently over looked “The Wanderers” (1979) and here turns up as the opera singing Dynamo and who also seemingly drew the short straw when it came to costuming seeing how he is essentially a walking Christmas tree, while the other stalkers all get costumes more suiting of their personalities from Sub Zero’s (Tanaka) Psycho ice hockey gear, complete with razor sharp hockey stick to the road warrior Esq. get up of the chainsaw obsessed Buzzsaw (Rethwisch).

Gore wise it is surprisingly light, with only a couple of graphic deaths via barbed wire as well as an exploding head and while most of the gore is implied it still remains satisfying even if it’s holding back on some of the more gruesome moments, yet manages to convince the audience that they aren’t being short changed at the same time, which isn’t the easiest of things to pull off, especially when you consider how enthusiastic 80’s cinema was and even more so when it came to gore and violence.

It might bare much of a resemblance to the source novel, but the same could be said for “The Shining”, whose adaptation by Kubrick is frequently named amongst the best adaptations of Stephen King’s novels, unlike the more faithful and Stephen King approved adaptation by Mick Garris and here Glaser makes the smart choice of reeling in the scope of the novel for a more tight and restrained feel and all the more to max the talents of the assembled cast, while making the stalkers more like Gladiators with celebrity status, helps keep the action easy to follow especially with each of the stalkers having their own unique personality, it helps keep the action scenes fresh with each stalker posing their own challenges, unlike the novel who only had the one named hunter aswell as its gung-ho ending which now has unintentional echoes of 9/11.
It might lack subtly but didn’t all the best films of Arnie’s career and it might be more of the same, but it’s certainly not the worse and should definatly be ranked amongst his best, even if it doesn’t have the same cult following that some of the other key titles in his back catalogue have, one thing is clear and it's that everything else pretty much sucked about the 80's atleast they could make a decent action movie as this clearly proves.

Teeth

Title: Teeth
Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Released: 2007
Staring: Jess Weixler, Hale Appleman, Ashley Springer, Josh Pais, John Hensley, Nicole Swahn, Lenny Von Dohlen

Plot: Dawn (Weixler) is a spokesperson for local Christian abstinence group “The Promise”, while she unknowingly also suffering from a condition known as “vagina dentate” better known as a toothed vagina.




Review: “Teeth” is a film which is all about it’s concept much like “The Human Centipede” (2009), “Zombie Strippers” (2008) and “Snakes On A Plane” (2006) and while having a concept film sure helps to generate a lot of word of mouth press, these films usually end up being as quickly forgotten as they burst onto the public conscious, with this film certainly being similar to this extent like “Snakes On A Plane” for although it succeeded in generate a lot of interest on it’s release I’ve yet to find more than a handful of people who actually bother to watch that film when it came out, the same could also be said for "Teeth" though it’s not quite been forgotten yet, but this could also be a lot to do with the sheer snigger factor that the idea of a vagina with teeth tends to bring out in folks.

The directorial debut of Mitchell Lichtenstein (son of 60’s pop artist Roy Lichtenstein), here he has clearly aimed for shock appeal here by taking such a b-movie premise and one also previously explored in the slightly less subtle “Sexual Parasite: Killer Pussy” (2004) and to an extent achieved it, especially how he had neighbours to the film set protesting the film, believing that the film was porn and only it's when you watch the film that you realise that he is more bizzarly and surprisingly aiming to hit the indie comedy market only to miss it completely as well as creating what is essentially an extremely tedious horror film at it’s core, no thanks to a painfully slow build up to the first real introduction of her condition, after hinting at it from the opening in which a young Dawn extra teeth unwittingly bite her step brother Brad’s wandering finger, which even more creepily he does in a paddling pool directly in front of their parents, an incestuous obsession he continues into adulthood. Still her condition is never fully explained though, seeing how their house is located in the shadow of a huge nuclear power station, we can only assume that Director Lichtenstein wants the audience to assume that this is the cause

Dawn’s is played convincingly by Weixler whom unsurprisingly picked up the jury price when the film was premiered at sundance, while also drawing comparisons to Meryl Streep. constantly being torn between her ever increasing sexual urges, while her religious beliefs, leave her stranded in the social no mans land between frigid and slut, a battle which rages on within her school as her fellow classmates face the continual pressures to give into their urges, meanwhile sex education classes have pictures of the female reproductive organs taped over no doubt due to pressures from the local religious community and further explaining the lack of knowlege about her own body Dawn posesses, with her own belief further driving home in her mind the idea of such areas a being taboo for any kind of self exploration, as seen in scenes of her cautiously and gingerly exploring herself. Still though many questions are raised in this film Lichtenstein chooses not to clarify the majority of them.

When faced with her own sexual awakening brought on by dating fellow promise member Toby (Appleman), and the rejection of his sexual advances, which in turn lead to an attempted rape, which needless to say ends badly for Toby, that we finally get the first pay off at almost 45 minutes into the film, which is certainly almost torturous when being forced to endure so many of the characters, who are either cookie cutter caricatures or just plain unlikable sleaze balls which seemed to be nearly every male character in the film, making me wonder if this film had been scripted by the writers of “The L Word” which also had the tendency of portraying nearly all their male characters in some form of negative light and usually as greasy and disgusting almost as if they were trying to put across the message that their predominantly lipstick lesbian cast, had become lesbian purely because the men around them were such scum and thier fairer sex was a much more attractive proposition, when faced with thier limited choices and it’s similar feelings I felt here, were it would seem that any guy she feels any form of attraction to is either a potential rapist or complete Douchbag. Still Hensley’s attempt at tough guy bravado playing the quick to violence step brother Brad is arguably one of the most laughable performances in the film, with Hensley coming off more moody than threatening and certainly not helped by his cheap fake looking tattoos, much like the fact he continues undeterred to have sex with his girlfriend while his step mother collapses outside his bedroom door, in one the least plausible moments in the film, which seems to serve only as a way to setup Dawn’s revenge against him later in the film, where her revenge is one certainly served ice cold.

The body count is surprisingly light here, thanks mainly to Lichtenstein refusing to turn Dawn into a woman on a mission of vengeance against these obnoxious men who she seems to frequently attract and only hints at Dawn taking on such a mission with the stumble of an ending, which rather than setting up a sequel pretty much marked were the concept finally runs out of steam, as honestly this film leaves nowhere essentially for her character to go. Still the attack scenes while being all centred predictably around the crotch region (but then what else is going to go there…..actually don’t answer that), we also get some chopped off digits formally belonging to Dawn’s Gynaecologist, all filmed in a very over-exaggerated style, which added a nice comical edge, much like the surviving victims refusal to say how they got their injuries, while having their assorted detached limbs reattached. Rather than trying to go for full on gore, though for those of you wandering wanting to see a chewed of penis, will be happy to know that Lichtenstein doesn’t disappoint or cheat the audience by keeping things off screen.

“Teeth” might be an intriguing premise, but essentially this ends up being a film which is certainly all bark and very little bite, thanks to it’s mish mash characterisation and horrible pacing, let alone the fact Lichtenstein seems to be trying cover far too many bases, rather than focusing on the main reason were watching the film to begin with, while leaving far to many of these avenues of exploration open, to the point that you wonder if there was any real point to the film. So like any potential date of Dawn’s I would recommend that you approach this one with caution.

The Stendhal Syndrome

Title: The Stendhal Syndrome
Director: Dario Argento
Released: 1996
Staring: Asia Argento, Thomas Kretschmann, Marco Leonardi, Luigi Diberti, Paolo Bonacelli

Plot: Detective Anna Manni (Argento) is hunting for serial killer Alfredo Grossi (Kretschmann) with her assignment taking her to Florence as part of the investigation. While at a museum, Anna finds her drawn into a trance like state, while suddenly struck by the Stendhal Syndrome. Unknown to Anna this weakness has been discovered by Alfredo who soon plots to use it against her.





Review: Dario Argento is yet another director who for one reason or another I’ve only recently got around to watching, with this film being the first I’ve seen outside of his “Masters of horror” episode “Jenifer”, which suffered the wrath of the censors with Argento’s expressing a severe disgust that his episode ended up receiving several noticeable cuts, while narrowly avoiding being banned outright, a fate which was unsurprisingly suffered by Miike Takashi’s episode “Imprint”. Still Argento's work remains highly recommended by many Horror fans, though perhaps I could have chosen an easier title to start with, especially with this film being so heavy in graphic rape sequences, which make it anything but an easy film to watch.

Dario once again casts his daughter Asia who appears here in the second of her four collaborations to date with her father, despite his original intention of casting Bridget Fonda in the lead role, while also considering both Jennifer Jason Leigh and Daryl Hannah with the plan of making the film in America, which like his plans for his leading lady all fell through for various reasons, which ultimatly would lead Argento to relocate the film to Italy and cast his daughter in the lead role, a choice almost reminiscent of Francis Ford Coppola casting his own daughter Sofia when faced with similar issues on the production of “The Godfather Part 3” with her performance being largely panned by critics and Coppola being accused of Nepotism, all things which Argento managed to avoid here, even though casting his own daughter in a role which sees her character being graphically raped is certainly questionable and a credit to the professionalism of Argento that he would treat her the same as any other actress, when it came to filming such difficult sequences.

Surprisingly the revel of Kretschmann as the films psycho comes early in the film, yet removes none of his creepy and hypnotic presence when he is on the screen, with Kretschmann not only dying his hair blonde and learning word perfect Italian for the role, but also figuring out how to hide a razorblade behind his teeth aswell as how to manipulate it within his mouth, without slicing himself, a skill which is used to highly memorable effect, with such dedication to the role earning him much praise from Argento, who had first noticed Kretschmann when he had stared alongside Asia in her previous film “La Reine Margot” (1994) with this role also gaining him international recognition, though despite warm praise this it would take him until 2002 to break into Hollywood with his role Polanski’s “The Pianist”, continuing a running theme throughout his career of playing officers of the Third Riech.

The subject matter of the effects of rape, as I have mentioned already certainly make this not the easiest film to watch, but Argento has chosen to treat this almost as a study of how rape can effect it’s victims, even though he still finds time for some sadistic style blood letting, torture and torment with Asia in particular finding these scenes especially hard to shoot, more so with her father being so caught up in his work, that Asia called time on these scenes when she felt she had reached her limit, often leaving the set for the rest of the day to recover from the effects which these scenes had on her and even as a viewer they are not easy to watch and a testament to her ability to portray them with such a realistic edge, much like how Anna deals with her situation and her various stages of recovery, which see her taking up boxing and more dramatically cutting her long hair short, all while refusing to play the victim and more importantly all shown after she has had her revenge on her attacker and it was this part of the film, were I felt it lost a lot of it’s pace and generally didn’t seem to know were to go and while Asia might not be as convincing as the recovering victim, she certainly makes up for it in the scenes which matter.

This meandering use of running time same could also explain for Argento’s attempts to explore the idea of The Stendhal Syndrome, a condition named after a 19th century French writer, were sufferers of the condition have been known to suffer from dizziness, fainting and even hallucinations when exposed to work of art. It’s also a condition that Argento reportedly suffered from as a child while climbing the steps of the Parthenon, were he found himself in a trance like state which caused him to be lost from his parents for hours and here proves a handy excuse for Anna to suffer several hallucinations which see her walking into paintings and actually interacting with her surroundings, which provide several of the more surreal moments including her making out with a giant grouper fish.

The gore here is all pretty bloody with Argento taking a misstep with the ill advised use of CGI here, which honestly took more away from the film that it added, with the CGI essentially being used only for the more pointless of sequences like two pills travelling down Anna’s throat and a bullet through a victim’s cheek. Still seeing how the violence is all rape related it’s far from fun times here, especially with Argento frequently testing the limits of his audience with these scenes, which time reveled a little too much sadistic delight in what was being shown.

“The Stendhal Syndrome” is not an easy film to watch at any stretch and it’s subject matter would be covered a lot more effectively for myself atleast in “Irreversible” (2002). What also really did not help me get more into film, was definatly that version of the film I saw suffered from a really hideous dubbing, so I would strongly recommend hunting down the subtitled version if you’re an Argento completist or the kind of film goer who likes to challenge themselves, as this film is certainly one to endure rather than enjoy and that’s putting it mildly to say the least.

Bad Biology

Title: Bad Biology
Director: Frank Henenlotter
Released: 2008
Staring: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Mark Wilson, John A. Thorburn, Remedy

Plot: Jennifer (Danielson) suffers from the unusual condition of being born with seven Clitorises (and that doesn’t even include the unknown ones inside her). As a result of this condition she constantly finds herself on a quest for sexual fulfilment, a quest which leads her to meet Batz (Sneed) who himself has his own unique condition of being in possession of a monster sized penis which has developed a mind of it’s own as well as an ever increasing drug habit….did I mention this is also a love story?



Review: Frank Henenlotter is a director I’ve had little experience with, yet it’s safe to say that he has certainly gained a cult like following since his memorable debut “Basket Case” (1982), which is frequently mistaken for being part of the “Video Nasty” list despite it only appearing as a film for rental stores to avoid, than one of the 75 titles on the banned list. Still this debut would set a tone for his work to follow, all showcasing his continuing obsession of bringing back the sleaze of the grindhouse films he grew up obsessing over, long before the like of Quentin Tarantino and Rob Zombie attempted their own stabs at the Neo-Grindhouse genre and while many of the 80’s horror directors would move onto more mainstream projects, with names notorious with the era such as Sam Rami and Peter Jackson heading up big budget productions like the “Spiderman” and “Lord of the Rings” Trilogies, Henenlotter has preferred to stick to the same 42nd st sleaze which continues to service as his inspiration.
Still on the back of a review by one of those same rabid Henenlotter fans, aswell one of my blogging heroes Jenn over at “Calavade of Perversions” recently giving this film her praise, I thought it was time I finally gave him a look.

Incase you haven’t realised from the plot outline, this really is a sleazy and extremely random film, which pretty much wastes zero time in going from normality to badshit insane as we open with bookish photographer Jennifer, explains her predicament while prowling for casual sex, to help curb her continuous urges, even suffering countless orgasms just by sitting in a particular way, yet constantly being faced with never being able to find a man capable of satisfying her needs, which might have a lot to do with her black widow tendency of killing these casual partners in the throws of passion, while also photographing them for her subtly titled photography project “Fuckface”. Another side effect of Jennifer’s condition is that by having sex, her body causes her to give birth to mutated babies mere hours after having sex, which she even more casually disguards, with no kind of emotional attachment, either leaving them were they are born or even more shockingly throwing them into the trash. Still the minimal level of concern she has for these children is clearly highlighted, when Jennifer suddenly breaks the forth wall, to tell the audience exactly what she thinks about their concern, while advising them to just walk away, as the camera suddenly moving to a handheld stance all the more effective as it forfills the now overwhelming desire by audience to see exactly what one of these mutant offspring look like, with Henenlotter clearly knowing the power and effect of telling someone not to do something.

On the other side of things Batz is a emotionally complex and fragile character, having become a recluse thanks largely to his condition driving him to the brink of insanity, especially as his drug addicted penis grows all the more frenzied, with his only relief coming from his industrialised jerk off machine and a steady supply of pornography which constantly streams into his dilapidated and crumbling mansion, were he hides away while trying to fight the urges of his possessed member. Batz also breaks the forth wall to provide an insight into his condition, via a drug induced haze rather than another sudden outburst like Jennifer’s. Still Batz proves to be the interesting counterbalance to Jennifer, which means unfortunately that Jennifer comes across as a frenzied nymphomaniac while Batz seems more depressed and almost suicidal, but honestly neither of these leads are particularly likable, with Jennifer frequently coming off like one of those pretentious art school students, who ramble off bullshit to make their work seem more interesting than it is.

Henenlotter is clearly going for sheer shock factor here, but seeing how this has been the running theme throughout all his movies, it’s not surprising to see it back with a vengeance here. Throughout the realitivly short running time, he frequently seems to be playing a constant game of one-upmanship with himself from the laughably over enthusiastic sex scenes, to a bizarre photo shoot with the models all wearing vagina face masks. Still this all pales in comparison to when Henenlotter having run out places to go or perhaps seeing how far he can push things, has Batz see’s his penis detach itself and head off on a mass rape spree of nubile young ladies, who bizarrely don’t seem to mind to much, though Henenlotter sadly misses the opportunity to have the weirdest chase sequence ever, instead having Batz and Jennifer arguing while it eventually comes back on it’s own accord to then engage in a scene which I’m sure can be seen as more than a little blasphemous, but chances are that if you’ve made it this far, there won’t be little left to shock you when Henenlotter throws this scene in.

All the cast here are amateurs and unknowns, which makes it a real mixed bag of performances, though when questioned about this use of no name actors in his films, in an interview by “Film Threat” Henenlotter responded by saying

“I always [use amateurs]. They are easier to work with – they’re not SAG. When you say amateur, it’s not a denigration. It’s just their first time acting. Charlee [Danielson] and Anthony [Sneed] are great in ["Bad Biology"]. One of the reasons they are so great is that they never learned they are allowed to say no.”

It’s this belief which seems to explain why Henenlotter is so keen to push the boundaries of taste so much throughout, especially with such a willing cast to help him, bring these warped ideas to life. Still this use of questionable acting talent, when combined with cheap digital film stock, doesn’t help the film from looking like another direct to video cheapie. Still it does have some creative old school effects, including Batz’s stop motion penis which he constantly fights even at one point punching it in an attempt to bring it back under control aswell as taping it to his leg, which is all before it truly takes on a life of its own, detaching itself and punching itself through walls, as it slithers from victim to victim on its mini rampage.

"Bad Biology" is not the film to win me over to the cult of Henenlotter, though it has furthered my curiousity for the rest of his back catalogue, especially as this is usually the place to find most directors best and inspired work, I mean just look at John Carpenters career and the less said about the Japanese poster the better really.