The Nines

Title: The Nines

Director: John August

Released: 2007

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Melissa McCarthy, Hope Davis, Elle Fanning, David Denman, Octavia Spencer, Ben Falcone, Dahlia Salem, John Gatins

Plot: A troubled actor, a show runner and a videogame designer discover that their lives might be more linked than they suspect.

Review: While John August might not be a name which leaps out at you he has worked on several noteworthy screenplays for the likes of “Titan A.E.”, “Frankenweenie” and the cult indie movie “Go” which initially launched him as a screenwriter with this film marking his directorial debut with decidedly mixed results.

A three part existential drama  this pet project clearly has the feel of someone trying to imitiate the experimental style of Charlie Kaufman only with none of the quirky charm as here Ryan Reynolds plays the three lead roles each heading up their own chapters starting with “The Prisoner” which see actor Gary barbequing his ex-girlfriends things before flipping his car and landing himself on house arrest. Soon however he finds himself being being plagued by the continual appearance of the number 9 around him.

Next up is “Reality Television” which now sees Reynolds playing the Television writer Gavin who is trying to get the pilot for his TV show “Knowing” off the ground while being followed for a reality show. The whole segment being shot in reality TV show style making for an interesting change of pace and helping the segment to stand out along with elements such as Melissa McCarthy’s role in this segment being to play the fictionalised version of herself. This segment perhaps the most autobiographical for August who based most of the plot on his experience’s working on the failed television series “D.C.” while he wrote the film with McCarthy in mind for her role, mirroring Gavin’s own writing were he wrote his TV show for this reality’s version of her.

The final segment is “Knowing” were Reynolds now plays the acclaimed video game designer Gabriel whose car has broken down in the middle of nowhere with his wife Mary (McCarthy) and daughter which aims for the big reveal of what has supposed to have been happening throughout the film and bring all the parts together. Instead we get the feeling of August self congratulating himself for what he’s created even though its still very much feels like a half baked and largely confusing mess.

Released before Reynolds achieved the mainstream approval he got from “Deadpool” and when many critics for some reason were keen to write him off like Ben Affleck as box office poison a tag I never really understood for either, especially Reynolds who might have come to the forefront through throw away cult comedies like “Van Wilder” and “Waiting” he’s constantly remained an intresting actor to watch especially when given a more dramatic role like he got with “Adventureland” or “Smokin Aces” and here he certainly gets that by getting to play three different leads all three of which he manages to make stand out from each other. This is certainly true in the case of “The Prisoner” and “Reality TV” two characters which are at polar opposite to each other with Gary coming across as bratty and self indulgent compared to the self-doubting and moody Gavin its just more frustrating that neither character ultimately get the interesting arc’s that they deserve and instead are left in meandering plotlines blogged down by August’s attempts to link all the segments together and play into his end game.

The supporting cast are equally great with both Melissa McCarthy and Hope Davis joining Reynolds in playing multiple characters across the different stories with mixed results due to the strength of the material rather than either actresses performance.

While I might have entered into the film with an expectation of what I was going to get it was somewhat disapointing to ultimately end up with a plot so plodding and ultimately navel gazing as the one that August chooses to craft here, as a potentially interesting idea is squandered by his attempts to really tie together three half baked stories that perhaps would have been better developed on their own than stuck together here.

xXx - Return of Xander Cage

Title: xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Director: D.J. Caruso

Released: 2017

Starring: Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Kris Wu, Ruby Rose, Tony Jaa, Nina Dobrev, Samuel L. Jackson, Toni Collette

Plot: Extreme sports hero Xander Cage (Diesel) has been living in self-imposed exile since being recruited by the government's “xXx” program, only to be brought back when a weapon known as Pandora’s Box capable of crashing satellites is stolen by Xiang (Yen).

Review: The original “xXx” released back in 2002 is something of a guilty pleasure for myself as it not only managed to combine extreme sports with James Bond style hijinks, but also freshen up the spy genre which had certainly lost its edge with “xXx” giving us a louder and flashier and generally over the top take on material much like we’d got with “True Lies”. Sadly while the series certainly looked like it had potential to spawn a number of fun adventures for the character, the tepid “xXx: State of the Union” essentially killed the franchise dead as the combination of heavy CGI and a charmless and generally loud Ice Cube make for a forgettable experience while Vin Diesel went on to growl about family a whole bunch in the “Fast and Furious” franchise

Of course the idea of Vin Diesel returning to the series was certainly welcomed by myself not only because he is one of the more underrated leading men of the action genre, but also for how he truly made the character of Xander Cage, an extreme sports caricature more of a believable creation even adding tattoos to the character which paid homage his own D&D characters. Sadly in the fifteen years have passed since his last outing and with the Riddick saga not really connecting with the audiences the way that I think he would have liked, its clear that Vin Diesel viewed this return as more of a backup option.

No doubt due to the success of the “Fast and Furious” franchise this time Xander isn’t saving the world alone as we now find him being lumbered with a team of uninspired creations which include sharpshooter Adele Wolff (Rose), stuntman / getaway driver Tennyson “The Torch” (McCann) and errr DJ Havard “Nicks” Zhou (Wu) while Nina Dobrev is on hand as the CIA weapons specialist Becky essentially replacing the Agent Shaver character from the first two films. All of these characters being introduced with freeze frame flashes as pop trivia cards appear longside them, just incase anyone was keen to know that Adele’s gamer tag is “Lady Boner”. Of course none of this flash can disguise the fact that all of these additions much like their enemy counterparts are all bland cutouts, overworked in their background details in a vain attempt to make them seem more hip than your average spy. Instead all we end up with though is a bunch of irritating caricatures than anything resembling a fully developed let alone likeable character.

The other issue we get is that every time you have any two characters together it turns into an ego contest as they constantly seem to be wanting to prove who is the most extreme, be it via a game of hang grenade hot potato or the the excruciating tattoo story scene between Xander and Serena (Padukone) as the claims they make grow ever more ridiculous including her claiming that she climbed the Millenium Eye naked. Perhaps this was to add more sex appeal to a character who spend nearly the whole film in various states of undress, but instead just left me rolling my eyes.

These scripting issues continually plague the film which doesn’t take the gap between films into account, meaning that Vin Diesel ends up coming off like the dad trying to show how hip he is to the young kids, which might have been fine if there hadn’t been that 15 year gap and as such ends up with Xander coming off frequently akward throughout even though its clear that Diesel is attempting to charm the audience through the material. These issues aside Xander is very clumsily written here, devoid of any of the charm which made him such a likeable character in the original, let alone the fact that he was able to succeed were his spy counterparts failed because he wasn’t some trained spy and relied on instinct, his skills and general Playstation training. This time round he’s too much of a spy and generally too knowledgable of the espionage world especially for someone whose supposed to have removed themselves from this world. Another issue is the lack of a decent bad guy, an issue which also hindered the previous sequel and here its pretty much the same problems again, when surely it shouldn’t have been too hard to come up with another Eurotrash villain than just leading us in one big circle which the changing face of evil here ultimately creates.

The action scenes are enjoyable enough throughout, though nothing comes close to matching what we got in the original film, especially with the use of CGI being so heavy it really becomes hard to distinguish the few moments when we do get practical effect work. Even with two fantastic martial Artists like Donnie Yen (stepping in for Jet Li) and Tony Jaa in the cast they end up feeling squandered here with Caruso shooting them so close and choppy that their abilities never really get chance to shine through, which for the established fans of their work will only prove the more frustrating. Equally squandered is Samuel L. Jackson who here bookends the film and is removed far too quickly just to establish the introduction of his replacement Jane Marks (Collette)

Sadly still not the sequel to the classic original we wanted especially when proves to be just as forgettable as the previous film.

Revenge of the Green Dragons

Title: Revenge of the Green Dragons

Director:  Andrew Lau and Andrew Loo

Released:  2014

Starring: Ray Liotta, Justin Chon, Shuya Chang, Harry Shum, Jr. Kevin Wu, Billy Magnussen, Eugenia Yuan,

Plot: Childhood friends Sonny (Chon) and Steven  (Wu) are recuited by the local Chinatown gang “The Green Dragons” as they soon move up the ranks as the journey into adulthood in 1980’s New York.

Review: Yet another film based on an article (see also Pain and Gain / The Bling Ring) going into this one I was optimistic especially seeing how Andrew Lau most memorably gave us the fantastic “Infernal Affairs” trilogy which Martin Scorsese appearing here on executive producer duties adapted into his inferior yet still Oscar winning “The Departed”. An Oscar I personally felt was more for his career than the film itself with this involvement in this film perhaps being his way of thanking Lau for essentially giving him his first Best Director Oscar which as will soon become clear might be the only reason he’d want to attach himself to this film as sadly this is not a good example of either directors work, as Lau here making his second attempt to break into the Western studio system after his forgettable previous attempt with “The Flock” back in 2007. Instead what we get here instead is essentially the Triad version of “Goodfellas” as seemingly every triad cliché is thrown into the film.

Opening to Sonny and Steven as they are recruited as kids to join the Green Dragons, who are also one of the top five gangs in New York though its hard to see how this recruitment works, seeing how they are shown being chased and beaten up by the baseball jacket favouring members before suddenly becoming gang members while age certainly doesn’t seem to be for the gang as the boys are soon sent out on their first hit on a rival gang leader despite still being young boys.

Needless to say things don’t get any better for the film as it stumbles from one random plot thread to the next, with neither of our leads doing anything to really warm themselves to the audience or even make us care about their plight which really only seems to stretch as far as the gang trying to get to that next level. As to be expected this is all accomplished through gratuitous violence, macho gun play and more off putting a thankfully none to explicit gang rape of the wife and daughter of a rival ganger leader holding out on the location of his funds.

The cast are all passible enough in their roles with Leonard Wu in particular coming off especially memorable as the Dragon’s masochistic leader Chen I. Chung who thinks nothing off kidnapping, torturing and butchering a rival gang leader. Elsewhere Eugenia Yuan is wasted as the people smuggler Snakehead Mama and one of the few characters I wish had been developed further much like the two young detectives who are introduced seemingly to only highlight how little the local police department cares about the triad violence and local Asian population.  Ray Liotta meanwhile is more of a glorified cameo and whose role could easily have been cut out of the film while making you wonder if he was included to provide anything other than star power to sell to the film much to western audiences who’d more than likely skip over this film otherwise.

Despite the short runtime this one was a grind to get through, perhaps because I was expecting more than just another triad thriller and even on that level there are certainly better films such as Lau’s own “Young and Dangerous” series which essentially do what we get here better and certainly more enjoyably.

Valentine

Part of "Simplistic Reviews" Horror Time Capsule check them out!!

Title:  Valentine

Director:  Jamie Blanks
Released:  2001
Starring: David Boreanaz, Denise Richards, Marley Shelton, Hedy Burress, Jessica Cauffiel, Katherine Heigl

Plot: Five girls who rejected the school geek at the school dance now years later find themselves being targeted by a mysterious Cherub-mask wearing killer.

 

Review:  Yet another film that I’ve been meaning to watch for years only to continually get distracted by other films in the watch pile. It is also a film I remember coming out when I was in college surrounded by heavy advertisement only to suddenly disappear without it gaining any real traction with audiences it seemed.  Despite this the idea of a Cherub mask wearing killer did sound an appealing one and no doubt the reason it remained on my watch list for so long.

Opening on Valentine’s day 1988, here we see the hopeless romantic geek Jeremy going from one girl to the next asking if they want to dance, only to continually get shot down. However it appears that his luck might be in when the overweight Dorothy accepts his invitation to dance which soon leads to them making out underneath the bleachers. Sadly things don’t exactly work out for Jeremy as when the pair are spotted by the school bullies, she claims that he sexually assaulted her leading the bullies to then turn into a pack of vigilantes as they publicly strip Jeremy before preceding to beat the holy out of him while the students and teachers seemingly do nothing about this! Of course the girls meanwhile all go on to grow up to become popular and attractive, while the film seemingly insists that these girls were friends back in school, even if their childhood versions seemed to belong to different groups to each other with no indication of any of them ever being friends. It’s also really once we see the girls all grown up exactly what sort of casting decisions were made for the film, seeing how all the girls seemingly have been cast more for their looks than their acting abilities, something which soon become blatantly obvious when faced with another 70 mins of their vacant expressions ahead of you.

Despite being released in 2001, this film still appears to be aiming for the same filming style of the 90’s horror movies which followed in the wake of “Scream”  which revitalised the horror genre and generated a slew of counterparts it generated and certainly a wave of films which you’d be forgiven that this film belonged to. I was equally surprised to learn that this film was directed by Jamie Blanks who previously gave us one of the more underrated 90’s horror movies with “Urban Legend”. Sadly this film is nowhere near as good which to Blanks credit he has apologised while seemingly indicating that it was a less than smooth production for the film which also had to contend with the TV schedules of  both Katherine Heigl who was attached to “Roswell” and Boreanaz who was attached to “Angel” meaning that both actors only had a limited amount of time to shoot their scenes with Heigl in particular only having three days for her scenes which equate to little more than a fleeting appearance here as blanks gives his own spin on the classic “Scream” opening which despite having a cool kill lacks the same kind of impact.

One of the main issues the film has though is that none of the cast are particularly likable, more so when they constantly seem so self-involved and wrapped up in their own issues that it makes it impossible to form any kind of connection, let alone believe that they are as good a friends as they claim to be. At the same time every male character in the film is portrayed as being a horny sleaze ball who cares only about picking up one of the four girls. Even the detective whose supposed to investigating the killer stalking them isn’t amused from this as he randomly tries to pick up the sexually aggressive Paige (Richards) which seemingly all he does apart from making some half-baked attempts at trying to identify the masked killer. The only exception here is Boreanaz who appears as Kate’s (Shelton) boyfriend but even then his appearances throughout are so sporadic that it leaves you wondering if the was any real direction for his character other than to help setup the finale, while Boreanaz continues to prove that movies are not were his talents lie (see “The Crow: Wicked Prayer” for further proof) as most of his performance seems to revolve around him recycling his broody performance for “Angel”.

Elsewhere not even the killer is free from the many issues of this film as while the mask makes for a cool look especially when combined with his all black ensemble. What the mask also unfortunately does is to give him the impression of him having a tiny head when we see him in any full length shots, which perhaps takes away some of the threat that he could have processed had he not looked so unintentionally funny during these shots. At the same time when it comes time to do the big reveal what could have been a clever twist ends up feeling strangely clumsy thanks to the events leading up to the showdown making little sense with characters suddenly showing sides to them which feel that they were written in while filming.

What saves this film from being a complete write off those is that it contains some really inventive kills, the majority of which are shot with like an 80’s slasher, making them a strange fit for the rest of the film which is very 90’s in its style and more so when a number are far more graphic than the majority of movie deaths from this period which tended to favour the less is more approach spearheaded by “Scream”. Amongst the kills we get a nasty looking throat slit, death by bow and arrow (well he is wearing a cherub mask) with the best of course involving a hot tub and a power drill! One trick that the film does miss though is during the scene leading up to the hot tub death in which it appeared that Blanks was going to recreate the raptor attack from “Jurassic Park” and have the killers face suddenly appears out of the plants, but sadly it does happen.  Still the kills are all well-handled and no doubt the one good thing you’ll take away from this one.

A heavily  flawed film with its clunky script and unlikable characters make this far from the easiest film to sit through even if you’re just watching it for the death scenes.

The Death of “Superman Lives”: What Happened?

Title: The Death of “Superman Lives”: What Happened?

Director: Jon Schnepp

Released: 2015
 

Plot: Documentary charting the development and eventual collapse of the failed 1998 Superman project “Superman Lives”

 

Review: Back before Superhero movies took over the box office with the cine-universe’s of DC and Marvel, superhero movies were few and far between with studios not seeing these kinds of movies as bankable, even despite the few standout movies such as the original Christopher Reeve staring “Superman” movies and most noteworthy Tim Burton’s “Batman” and “Batman Returns” which surprisingly didn't as expected lead to a host of imitators.

A project most people know about thanks to Kevin Smith regularly regaling audiences with his contribution to the project as the original screen writer as part of his Q&A sessions whenever given the chance. More recently though this project has generated a lot of discussion because it would have seen Nicolas Cage taking on the iconic role, but until now there’s never been any real attempt to explain what happened to the project outside Smith’s tales and that costume test photo of Cage in his Superman costume. Still funded through kickstarter, here Schnepp meets with all the major plays involved in the production with the exception of Nicolas Cage, whose contributions are shown instead through archive footage including footage of the costume tests which projected that photo as he attempts to find out what happened and why this project was ultimately scrapped so close to the start of filming.

Its kind of fitting that a production as messy as this one gets an equally disorganised documentary like we get here, let alone one which essentially insults its target audience by opening to Schnepp referring to them as “Nerds, Geeks….Sweaties”. Nice I know, but like so many of these documentaries funded through crowd funding this is a film which has more than a few flaws, while at the same time this documentary joins the recent spate of documentaries charting failed / troubled productions as it joins the likes of “Jodorowsky’s Dune”, “Doomed! The Untold Story of Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four” and “Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr Moreau”. This however falls at the later end of the scale as despite a wealth of interesting footage and some interesting stories it falls short as Schnepp’s film feels as if he could have benefited from a decent editor to trim some of the fat.

One of the other main problems here is that at no point does Schnepp attempt to explain the proposed plot of the film or any kind of outline, leaving those unfamiliar with the project to try and piece things together from scene descriptions as well as ideas for characters and sets which are discussed throughout. Yes we get numerous mentions of the film being based on “The Death of Superman” the Superman story which revived the series, by killing Superman, but again for those not familiar with these characters outside of the movies, it could have done with perhaps five minutes just to outline what the “Death of Superman” is about. As such I would recommend checking out the rather excellent Max Landis short film “The Death and Return of Superman” to give you more of a background than is offered here.

Interviewing seemingly everyone he could find who was attached to the project, the interviews vary greatly in what they add to the documentary with Kevin Smith on his usual fanboy form, while here finally gets to go further into the key scenes of his script while at the same time working in those more well-known parts of his involvement, which he reels off like a true raconteur and his sections in the first half of the documentary are easily amongst the most entertaining. Equally entertaining and more surprisingly is director Tim Burton, whose is seemingly more than happy to discuss the project, while it would seem looking at some of the footage may have been the one responsible for providing a lot of the test footage. At the same time he doesn’t seem to have any real answers as to why it fell apart.

The real key interviewee here though is producer Jon Peters, who could be seen as being villianised by the stories told by Smith, but here surprisingly admits to pretty much everything. At the same time it’s hard to tell if Peters believes he is portraying himself differently than how he comes across here which is as every bit the force of nature you’d expect him to be. Here he openly admits to choking out production team members, as part of his efforts to inject energy into them…..still not sure how that works, while the best thing is to hear him actually admitting to  his obsession with working a giant spider into the script for Superman to brawl with.

While certainly entertaining in places and showing enough behind the scenes footage, production sketches and props to satisfy those curious about the film which could have been, while the sheer scale of the ideas being covered in the script only makes it more frustrating that the film was cancelled so close to production. At the same time the film does feel that it runs too long and could have benefited from losing around 20 minutes of its runtime, rather than trying to work in every scrap of footage and every interview he could get. As such its ultimately works against the film making the last quarter feel sluggish and bloated. Still despite the flaws its worth giving a curious look if only to satisfy your curiosity as to what could have been or if only to see Nicolas Cage in his Superman costume.

Jennifer's Body

Title: Jennifer’s Body

Director: Karyn Kusama
Released: 2009
Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, J.K. Simons, Amy Sedaris, Adam Brody

Plot: Needy (Seyfried) is a nerdy and reserved bookworm who has an unlikely friendship with the popular and arrogant cheerleader Jennifer (Fox).  Things however take a turn for the strange when Jennifer is turned into a man eating succubus.

 
 

Review: Despite originally hating this film when it was originally released I was convinced to give it a re-watch after Christine Makepeace (Author of “Wake Up Maggie” let alone one half of “The Feminine Critique” podcast) named it as one of her picks on “The Under the Radar Movie Draft” we recently ran on the “MBDS Showcase”. So after hearing her fight for this film I thought it was only fair that I re-watch it to see if perhaps I had been wrong with my initial impression of this film.

Directed by Karyn Kusama who made her debut with the fantastic but sadly overlooked “Girlfight” before getting her first big mainstream film with the disappointing “Aeon Flux”. Still despite the negative reviews there was a lot of excitement surrounding the release of this film, especially with Diablo Cody on scripting duties, who was also coming in hot from her Oscar win for “Juno”, hoping that lightening would strike twice with her script for this film, especially being a self-confessed horror fan.  Still what got though was a film filled with flaws and misfires which is only made the more frustrating when there is clearly a good movie in here, only one which is being buried by the numerous issues the film has.

Opening with Needy confined to solitary confinement in an insane asylum, were she proceeds to narrate the story of how she came to be there. Worryingly this is the high point for the film with Seyfried clearly relishing the chance to play something different than her usual romantic leads, especially when here she gets to be classified as being a kicker, a title she fully justifies during this opening sequence when she send an orderly flying across the room with a single kick.

Flashing back to the start though we still get to enjoy Seyfried playing against type with Needy being essentially the complete opposite of what we’ve come to expect from here, while she shows a willingness to dress down which really makes this character rather than just doing the usual Hollywood thing of putting the hot girl in glasses, here she goes the whole hog. Fox meanwhile gets to play her usual type of role as the hot popular girl, only here she does get alittle more meat to her role thanks to Cody’s script which includes such witty gems as

“Yeah, right. I’m not even a backdoor-virgin anymore, thanks to Roman. By the way, that hurts. I couldn’t even go to flags the next day. I had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas”

Fox equally makes for the perfect succubus, especially having the looks which make it easy to understand why it’s so easy for her to find men to devour. This being said the real strength of her perferomance here is playing the role with her eyes which frequently seem to hold an hypnotic quality especially during the scenes in which she moves in for the kill or the memorable nude swimming sequence.

Gore wise the film saves most of its tricks for the final quarter, with Kusama teasing out the kills with sudden cut-away, usually as Jennifer is going in for the kill. We do however get some colourful descriptions for her victims remains with "Lasagne with teeth" certainly being at the top.

Sadly though for all the sharp quips and pop culture references  Cody’s script also suffers from her usual flaws in that while she happy to craft strong and whitty female characters, the male characters are seemingly only there to either be emasculated chumps or over sexed sleaze bags with no characters in the middle ground bar perhaps for an early Chris Pratt appearance which is essentially a glorified cameo.  The chief offender amongst these being Needy’s boyfriend Chip (Simmons) who is written so irritatingly weak he can’t seem to do anything unless it’s with Needy while she spends the film stringing him along with the prospect of sex when she feels his interest might be wavering. At the same time is shown having zero qualms about going with Jennifer when given the chance. Bizarrely the fact that he cheats on Needy is never shown in any kind of negative light, even if he does get punished for his actions.

The thing which killed this film dead for me though was Adam Brody, who here playing the lead singer of the band “Low Shoulder” who uses Jennifer as a human sacrifice to Satan in order to achieve fame and success. However going off the description Needy’s voice over gives us, it would seem that this character was supposed to look more like an early Nine Inch Nails Trent Razak than a winey emo kid that Brody carries himself as while once again wheeling out the same performance he’s been giving since he first showed up in “The O.C” were he was interesting for the first season and then wrongly given main billing for the seasons which followed when he should have been left as the funny sidekick. Yes there are other actors such as Michael Cera who get away frequently with such performance recycling but Brody is not one of them. Here his smarmy performance and date rapist charm, made me wish I could climb into the film, if only to punch him in the face for the sheer irritancy that caused me throughout this film. Here despite supposedly being this evil force, it is never conveyed with any sense of believability with Brody once more just coming off as irritating (much like their one song we are frequently subjected to) than any kind of threat, while his aswell as the band’s comeuppance has the feeling of an afterthought seeing how it comes during the credits.  

As much as I wanted to love this film, the flaws far outweigh the positives and making it much more of a chore to get through, while I could see it being a more enjoyable experience if it hadn’t featured Brody who as I mentioned already kills this one stone dead stopping what could have been a fun yet disposable teen horror and instead meaning we end up with more of a stumbling misfire that no amount of Faux lesbian antics is going to correct.

Warm Bodies

Title: Warm Bodies

Director: Jonathan Levine
Released: 2013
Starring: Nicolas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, Rob Corddry, Dave Franco, Analeigh Tipton, Cory Hardrict, John Malkovich

Plot: Eight years after the zombie apocalypse, R (Hoult) a zombie spends his days wandering around an airport with his fellow zombies. Things however get complicated for R when he finds himself mysteriously drawn to the survivor Julie (Palmer). Worse still these feelings only get stronger when he eats her boyfriend’s brains, which in turn give him his memories as well.  

Review: Going into this film I had big expectations, especially seeing how it was the first zombie romance I’d seen since “Zombie Honeymoon”. A refreshing twist to a horror sub-genre which it’s safe to say has become seriously overworked in recent years, with every low budget film maker seemingly churning out their own zombie movie, so it helped that the plot of this one finally sounded like it was bringing something new. Of course if you look a little deeper you can also see that Levine perhaps less obviously here is also attempting to rework “Romeo and Juliet” only with added zombies.

Opening after the apocalypse, humanity has now retreated to a fortified enclave lead by Colonel Grigio (Malkovich), who bad news for R is also Julie’s father. Meanwhile the zombies have taken over the surrounding city, while also evolving into two distinct groups consisting of your traditional shambling zombies and a new group called Boneys who are zombies who have shed their flesh and in doing so turned into speedier skeleton versions of their former undead selves.

Okay so this is pretty much nothing different than pretty much any other zombie movie, but unlike those films R is also the narrator as he frequently shares his thoughts on his situation and all in perfect English, which I guess was kind of a given as otherwise we’d just get a bunch of unintelligent grunts and groans. At the same time this also gives the first of its major issues for R who is supposed to be your run of a mill zombie, for some reason is capable opening doors, collecting objects for his airplane home and even able to talk (outside of his internal monologue). Frustratingly no reason is given for why he is able to do any of this especially when his character is setup to be no different than any other zombie.  

The other main issue I have the film is that the reason for R suddenly developing feelings or why his fellow zombies also starting to regain their humanity is never given. All we get are a bunch of highlighted hearts beating and that seemingly we are expected to just except that these events are happening. Perhaps Levine was hoping that we would seemingly be so charmed by this unorthodox relationship that we would overlook such glaring issues.

The relationship element of the film falls pretty flat, no doubt due to that tricky line between being romantic and necrophilia. As such it largely come off playing like an awkward friendship as the pair hide out in R’s hideaway listening to records and playing cliché games after he rescues her after her scavenger mission falls apart. Yes the fact that R ate her boyfriend’s brains adds a slightly interesting angle though loses a lot of its power thanks to some clumsy plotting, but again this would have worked just as well had the film been about Julie making friends with R, as her finding out that her new best friend also ate her boyfriend’s brain would have still made for a fun twist. I guess selling a movie on the idea of a boy girl plutonic doesn’t sell tickets in the eyes of the studio heads, I mean *Spoiler Alert* even “When Harry Met Sally” ended up with them getting together *Spoiler End*. It’s a shame really as both Hoult and Palmer have some limited chemistry together which is kind of stunted due to one of them being a zombie, while the ending really is more of a middle finger to the audience, while essentially the only way I guess that they could get around that necrophilia issue.

While the main plot is frequently a source of frustration there are still a number of fun moments scattered throughout the film, such as Julie attempting to teach R to drive or Julie being told off by R for her zombie impression being too much. R’s narration is also contains several fantastically dry observations, which see him lamenting on his decomposing state yet treating it the same way as an everyday problem. The ending also features some fun action scenes, even if they are hampered slightly by Malkovich sleep walking his way through the film when he eventually shows up, lacking any of his usual presence.

Perhaps because I entered this film with such high hopes, which is usually the riskiest way to watch anything and once again proves to be the case here as the film fell pretty much flat for me, more so when the zombies randomly regain their humanity, as while I could except R regaining some form of humanity but its really pushing it for all of them to suddenly go through this random and sudden transformation, much less when it’s given no explanation. I guess we should be thankful that it was bloody vampires again!

Video Games: The Movie

Title: Video Games: The Movie

Director: Jeremy Snead
Released: 2014

Plot: Documentary on the video game industry looking back at the history of the video games and the consoles from the early days of “Space Wars” and “Pong” through to the current domination by Playstation, Nintendo and Xbox.

 
Review: If I wasn’t writing about cult, foreign and obscure cinema it’s pretty safe to say that I would be writing about video games instead, as alongside books and food they have constantly been a one of the few things to rival my love of films. Needless to say I’ve been looking forward to the release of this documentary since it was first announced as a kickstarter campaign, were it smashed its original target of $60,000 with video game fans ultimately raising $107,235 for the production.

This documentary really comes at an exciting time for video games, seeing how gamers no longer face the stigma that came previously with admitting to being a fan of video games. A fear it now seems is but a distant memory especially with more people than ever getting into video games than before from console and PC gamers through to WII owners and smart game addicts, it seems that everyone is playing games these days. Needless to say this all provides a rich subject to explore yet somehow the end result ends up being a somewhat tedious affair.

Opening with a rushed history of video games it is certainly a unique approach to the material with director Snead chooses to take, as having outlined the history he then proceeds to explore a variety of subjects such as the first video games and the rise of Atari which brought video games truly in people homes as it seemingly starts this trek through video game history for a second time only this time making stop offs at key moments of video game history, such as the video game crash and the legendry ET landfill which seemingly sparked it. Elsewhere we also get the usual arguments around video games being responsible for violent behaviour, but like so many of the more interesting aspects of the film it is covered is far too brief detail to really make much of an impact.

While the film promises a nostalgic look at video games of yesteryear, this ultimately fails to materialise as the documentary seems to be more focused on the advancements in the gaming systems rather than the games themselves. Yes there is plenty of game footage included throughout, but the footage of people discussing the games is few and far between and the most I depth discussion on gaming seems to be about online gamers and the friendships they have made through video games, while there is the nostalgic story about setting up multiplayer games of “Doom” via a home made LAN setup, something I’ve also fond memories of doing. Sadly though if your looking for stories of dodgy game carts and memories of playing various games, you will be seriously disappointed as these are noticeably absent.

Despite being the debut feature from director Snead, it is an impressive list of interviews he has assembled here as heads of every major studio and company weigh in with their thoughts on the evolution of video games alongside critics and celebrity gamers like Wil Wheaton. The downside of having so many interviews though is that at times it can feel like abit of a mixed bag as Snead trades complete coverage of the subject matter over quality, while equally some of his choices like including Max Landis are simply baffling, especially when they add zero to the film, more so in the case of Landis who proved to be the source of much frustration throughout, especially when he seems to be simply requoting the hip theory of the moment such as “Facebook is a game”. Unsurprisingly Wil Wheaton frequently proves himself to be the source of much of the best interview footage, which considering how much commentary he’s proved on both geek / nerd culture over the years and here once more he proves himself ever the engaging subject as he speaks not only as a fanboy but also a student of the subject. 

Narrated by Sean Astin who in a strange twist of fate went from being another interviewee to becoming the narrator after he found out how much of an indie production the film was and really guides the film with genuine passion even if it is a narration that tends at times to get far too bogged down in figures and flashy diagrams as it feels like an expensive looking sales pitch than a documentary. This frustration is only further added to by the fact that the film never seems to be clear on who its target audience is, especially when it throws around figures resolving around the amount of people who found the parental controls useful.

The other major issue here is that the whole documentary is essentially a one sided argument, as the only counter argument to video games comes in the form of several tabloid newspaper cuttings. As a result you end up with a film were everyone just raves on about how good video games are and how wrong their detractors are for thinking that these games could possibly cause any kind of violent impulse in the people who play them compared to movies.

Ultimately ending on a positive note (no surprise there considering the tone of the rest of the documentary) aswell as the video game version of the kiss montage from "Cinema Paradiso" as it looks to the future and new gimmicks such as the immersive "Occulus" as it seems that even video game makers aren't afraid to rehash an old fad, especially if the movie industry can rehash 3D and hence we are subjected to supposed experts telling us that once again virtual reality is going to be the future of games.

Far from the film that no doubt most of us were hoping for when we saw the title and unquestionably there are more exciting documentaries on the subject that this such as Charlie Brooker's "How Video Games Changed the World" and this really at best is worth giving little more than a curious and highly cautious watch, especially when it hardly brings anything new to the table that you won't have seen in previous films and despite a spattering of interesting moments, its far too much of a trudge to bother watching more than once.

Kolobos

Title: Kolobos

Director: Daniel Liatowitsch, David Todd Ocvirk

Released: 1999

Starring: Amy Weber, Donny Terranova, Nichole Pelerine, John Fairlie, Promise LaMarco, Llia Volok

Plot: Five strangers are brought together to spend three months living in a Big Brother style house under the pretence of being part of an anthropology-related experimental film. However soon it becomes clear that not everything is what it seems.

Review: One of those films I have been meaning to watch for the longest time, only to get delayed by other titles taking priority on the viewing pile but more largely because it has hardly the most memorable of titles. Title aside this equally not the most talked about movie out there, with almost minimal reviews and while it might not quite be on the same obscure levels as "The Long Lunch" it is certainly under the radar. Now while 1999 might have been an incredible year for cinema, I can sadly report that now having finally watched this film that this was not one of the better ones to come out that year.

The sole film to be directed by the Swiss duo, before following it with individual features which saw Liatowitsch directing the MMRPG documentary “Avatars Offline” while Ocvirk wrote the DTV zombie movie “Last Rites” both then disappearing from the movie making scene altogether. This film would also invariantly be a forerunner to the more remembered “My Little Eye” which essentially gave us the same film while perhaps taking a more unique approach by being shot from the perspective of the surveillance camera, while here directors Liatowitsch and Ocvirk opt for a more traditional route as the house setup serves more as a reason to bring the characters together than anything else.

Frustratingly the first hour of this film is pretty solid, with the group all being introduced via selection of audition tapes as we meet failing stand up and self-convinced funny man Tom (Terranova), struggling b-movie horror actress Erica (Pelerine), college drop-out Gary (Fairlie) and fast food worker Tina (LaMarco). This group are also joined by artist Kyra (Weber) who is looking to move on from her recent time spent in a halfway house for her increasingly dark visions which she channels into her artwork. All of the main cast are likeable in their roles even if there are a few moments were some of the cast overplay their part, yet at the same time it is hard to not place these moment equally on clunky dialogue. It is equally interesting that this group of fame hungry wannabe’s all looking for their ten minutes of fame would get just that by appearing in this film as none of them would go on to do anything else following its release, with the exception of Weber who fittingly plays the group outsider. Weber perfectly portrays Kyra who spends most of the film unable to tell if Faceless is real or one of her visions, much less if she is responsible for what is happening in the house.

A relatively short film at 90 mins, but boy did that last half hour drag which is even more surprising considering how the tension is slowly cranked up in the first hour, with ghostly visions of a faceless figure around the house, let alone a hand creeping out from under the bed. However once it hits the one hour mark the film suddenly hits a downward spiral from which it never recovers as the house turns into a deadly funhouse of booby traps as the group find themselves being picked off one by one by the faceless killer known simply as Faceless (Volok).

While the final thirty minutes are pretty formulaic I really can’t fault the film makers originality here, which when it comes to the death scenes it really has in spades with the detached head turned into a mirror ball being a particular highlight. Still from flying buzzsaws to an acid shower the death scenes really do for the most part deliver, while an antler impalement feels overly familiar to the infamous splinter sequence from “Zombie Flesh Eaters”. Each of the deaths are handled well even with the limited budget, with the buzzsaw death being especially memorable partly becomes it comes out of nowhere and secondary because of how the victim is left to writhe while the rest of the group believably freak the hell out.

Frustratingly during the final half hour the film dissolves into a standard stalk and slash format and while the deaths might be oozing in originality, there is a sense that the film is being rushed towards its conclusion (not that it moves any quicker trust me) with death scenes becoming increasingly sloppy or rushed. This of course brings me to my next issue and that’s with the ending which makes absolutely no sense as if you’re like myself you find yourself bouncing between two different ideas of what it all means, while also with the sneaking suspicion that the film makers are trying to be smarter than their script allows, much like opting to call the film “Kolobos” (the German word for mutilated) over its alternative and more fitting title “Haunted House”.

Irritating for how it throws away a promising setup, this is one worth more a curious rental than being actively sought and while the duo never choose to follow it up, it remains a tantalising prospect of what they could have achievd with perhaps alittle more focus and a tighter script.
 

The Purge

Title: The Purge

Director: James DeMonaco
Released: 2013
Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey, Max Burkholder, Adelaide Kane, Edwin Hodge, Tony Oller, Rhys Wakefield, Arija Bareikis, Chris Mulkey

Plot: In the year 2022, America has become a nation reborn under the New Founding Fathers of America and while the country enjoys an all-time low for crime and unemployment rates, this new government has also instituted an annual 12-hour period called “The Purge”. During this period all criminal activity is legal and a period which security salesmen James (Hawke) and his family choose to hide out in their heavily fortified home. However when James son Charlie (Burkholder) lets a bloodied stranger (Hodge) into the house, the family soon find themselves the target of a group of masked killers eager to claim the stranger for Purging.  

Review: Once again I find myself throwing my hands up in despair as I’m faced once again with the conundrum over if it is truly possible to have a horror film which perfectly balances style and substance, especially as I’m now in the same position I was after I watched “The Strangers”. A film much like this one in that both are essentially stylised but ultimately hollow home invasion thrillers, let alone the fact that both featured being killers in memorable masks.

Taking a break from remaking classic horror films this film is one of the rarer original projects to come out of Michael Bay’s “Platinum Dunes” production company let alone one with an intriguing premise, one perfectly outlined in the government broadcast announcing the start of the 12-hour purging period, were crime from murder and theft through to more shockingly rape is all legal. Despite the illusion of a crime free for all this projects, the government brief is equally keen to stress that Government officials cannot be targeted much like the usage of weapons above class 4 which I guess is to ensure that you don’t get some looney with a nuclear device running around. Much like the “Battle Royale Act” which was used to control the out of control youth. The Purge is used by the government as a way for society to resolve its overwhelming issues, which in this case is the need to vent frustrations and deviant behaviours, with the belief being that by providing this release only helps this new society grow stronger, though at the same time it is hinted that it is also a way of weeding out the poor and those who could be seen as causing a burden on the economy and resources, especially when unlike the rich they are not able to hide out this period.

Meanwhile on the other end of the scale James and his wife Mary (Headey) might not have to worry about the Purge as they hide away behind the illusion of security provided by the steel covers and security cameras, they are instead left to ponder over the moralistic questions their children pose them over their choice of choosing not to Purge, let alone the wealth which their father has amassed selling security systems to the rich to protect them from being potentially purged. Needless to say these questions being posed by the children are the least of their worries seeing how both of these irritating kids mange to spearhead most of the major issues the family have to face, with the eldest child Zoey (Kane) smuggling her boyfriend into the house before lockdown, while their son Henry (Oller) is easily the most irritating character in the film, while easily to blame for causing most of the families issues, seeing how he is also responsible for letting the stranger into the house.

This terrible twosome are easily the biggest frustration about this film and frequently had me wondering what the law was concerning purging your own family members? So with this never being a possibility, we are left instead with the increasingly moronic decision that their actions frequently lead to, much more when they frequently have a habit of disappearing at the worse possible moments. Needless to say this film would certainly have been greatly improved without these characters or perhaps by getting better child actors.

The main threat the family have to contend with though is the group of masked purger’s whose masks have already become an iconic image of the film, which is especially true of their nominated leader, known solely as Polite Leader (Wakefield). As per his name this leader remains calm and polite throughout, even shooting one of his followers when they suffer an outburst. Needless to say despite his insistence that the family won’t be harmed if they give up the stranger seeking refuge in their house, Wakefiled plays the role with such a sinister edge your never sure how true his promises are, let alone the fact that he manages to come off even more creepy without his mask. One of the stronger parts of the film, Wakefield’s character is sadly underused and left to mainly threaten the family through the shutters and never really gets chance to really do much beyond this.

While the costuming is unquestionably memorable, especially with the Polite Leader’s group with their almost uniform styling, this ultimately is all surface gloss as the film plays out like a less tense version of the far superior “Panic Room” combined with a few scattered moments of home invasion horror throughout, though none played with any kind of tension or horror, even though getting to see Hawke finally going postal on the home invaders is fun if frustratingly cut too short when it just gets going. Despite its setup promising unbridled chaos and anarchy these home invasion moments and the selection of CCTV footage which makes up the opening credits, though honestly this wouldn’t matter much if there was any kind of real suspense to hold your attention, which sadly there really isn’t and what scattered moments you do get are essentially stomped over by the antics of one of the kids.

Despite a great concept it sadly is never used to full potential, but seeing how movie goers are attracted to cool visuals it has meant that a sequel is already heading our way soon, while baring more of a wiff of similarity to the plot of “The Warriors” it would seem. Could this be Bay’s way of secretly pushing through his ideas for his long mooted remake of the cult classic…I guess we will have to wait and see, though hopefully it will learn from the mistakes of this film and give us something alittle more substantial than a fancy shell.

Jedi Junkies

Title: Jedi Junkies
Director: Mark Edlitz
Released: 2010
Starring: Eduardo Sanchez, Ray Park, Peter Mayhew, Olivia Munn, John Bardy

Plot: A documentary exploring the lasting appeal of "Star Wars" and the various ways the fanbase choose to celebrate this love, from collectors and cosplayers through to fan film directors the documentary meets them all.

Review: Star Wars fans have always been something of a curiosity, even to a lifelong member like myself. As possibly one of the first groups, to actively voice their love for a series which essentially for the longest time told only the second half of a story. Before Trekies (and certainly well before Trekker’s ), ringers the Star Wars fans were voicing their love for their franchise while finding new and ever inventive ways to promote this love. Despite this these fans have never had a real fanbase name (as far as I know) though each documentary which comes along to explore the passion of these fans has tried to brand them unsuccessfully with one name or another, as previously seen with “Star Woids” and now with this latest documentary…sorry if you though this was going to be the Star Wars version of Trainspotting.

Unlike the aforementioned “Star Woids” this film seemingly has no real interest in finding out what the lasting appeal of Star Wars is but rather sets out to look at the some of the various groups of fans and collectors who share an undying love for the saga, which seemingly even two questionable prequels and Jar Jar Binks have still not killed off. Unsurprisingly though by just reviewing the current landscape of the fan community there is little to be seen which hasn’t essentially wasn’t known by anyone whose happened to go to a sci-fi convention recently. So hence we get to look through the collections of obsessional collectors, whose obsession is so great that they can’t stop at having one boxed X-Wing and aren’t happy unless they can boast a whole squadron. Interestingly amongst these obsessional collectors is Eduardo Sanchez who directed “The Blair Witch Project” so if anyone who’s been wondering what he’s been doing since then, it would seem the answer is amassing an impressive Star Wars collection, which he is more than happy to show off like all the collectors featured here, which also serves to remind us that.

Elsewhere a whole different kind of fan dedication is seen with the guys who constructed a life sized Millennium Falcon in their backyard which was used in the fan film “Stuck On Star Wars” filling me with a slight twinge of jealously especially as I couldn’t figure out a way to convince my wife to put such a thing in my own yard, while it is equally heart breaking that it is later revealed to have been destroyed in a storm. Needless to say lightsabers play a big part in this documentary from the New York based performance group who put on lightsaber displays, through to the a closer look at the construction of these lightsabers which equally serves to show the level of detail which the fans are willing to bring to their own creations. Equally at the same time its hard to tell if such focus and naming of this particular brand of custom saber isn't just some advert sneaked in under the geise of cosplay.

Now I know that the one question you’re all dying to know and that’s if “Leia’s Metal Bikini” are featured and I can happily report that they are, while the iconic costume itself receives a fair amount of attention, as the documentary not only look at the members of the group, but also those who use it for the basis for other Star Wars activities including Leia Burlesque and even Leia belly dancing, while Olivia Munn from “Attack of the Show” highlights the downside to wearing this fan favourite at conventions.  Sadly these ladies are the only real insight we get on the female fan community, as the only other female contributions given to this documentary are with the snippets of general fan love that provide the filler between segments, outside of this it is from with any other female insight coming from the wives of the collectors or are psychologists attempting to explain the obsessions of the collectors.  As such it only further highlights the frequent feeling in the fan community that women are largely invisible unless providing some form of fan service via a revealing costume, something only further reinforced by having one of the Leia girls on the cover, no doubt to catch the attention of those skimming through their Netflix list.

Unsurprisingly while the documentary does not feature interviews with member of the Star Wars cast it isn’t with any of the big three (Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford or Carrie Fisher) or even George Lucas, but instead with Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca) and the always enthusiastic Ray Park (Darth Maul) who even joins in on the discussion as to who would win in a fight between Darth Maul and Darth Vader. Unsurprisingly Park feels that Maul would somehow have the upper hand, but it’s nice to see him still enthusiastic about the role, especially when so many of the cast are just about sick of talking about it. One of the main downsides for me here is the overwhelming focus on Fan films the documentary has, more so the fact that it chooses to focus on several rather uninteresting additions to this genre, in particular “Tremors of the Force” which gets given way too much attention, while its director John Bardy seemingly believes it to be a lot bigger than it is. Needless to say if you were going to look at fan films there are countless better examples out there such as “George Lucas In Love” , the valley girl antics of “Pink 5” or just the rapid fire humour of “Cheap Seats” to name but a few better examples of the fan film.

Unquestionably this is a films which will only appear to the established fans, as the noticeable absence of voice over, while the general structure of the film feels very thrown together with no real order or flow to how the footage has been pieced together, especially when the film looks at collectors only to then later in the film to return to the same collectors again with no real difference of insight than was given the last time we see them. In the end I was left with a slightly hollow feeling, seeing how the documentary fails to shed any really light on the fan community or at the same time show us anything new. With this in mind I would recommend hunting down “Star Woids” or a much more rounded insight into the cult of Star Wars, even if it lacks the psychological insight that this film attempts to bring, only to end up being at best a one watch documentary and one which barely provides anything to deserve a second watch.

Drive Angry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title: Drive Angry

Director: Patrick Lussier
Released: 2011
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Bill Burke, David Morse, Todd Farmer

Plot: Undead criminal John Milton (Cage) breaks out hell when he finds out that his daughter and her husband have been killed by Satanic cult leader Jonah King (Burke) who has also kidnapped Milton’s granddaughter who he plans to sacrifice as part of a Satanic ritual. Meanwhile an operative of Satan known as The Accountant (Fichtner) has been dispatched to bring Milton back.
 

Review: If you ever wanted to know how to automatically give me a lesser opinion of your film, release a trailer essentially consisting of grinning loons who got to see your film no doubt for free, while forcing them shout out sound bites of how much they supposedly love your film, while generally making claims that they have seen the “BEST FILM EVER!! No I didn’t just slip on the caps lock, but it’s probably the only way to capture on the page the grating enthusiasm for these comments that they see to bizarrely have for frequently awful films…but then perhaps this is the only film these folks have seen...you know ever! Alas this was the situation I found myself in as I entered into this film (see it wasn’t just random ranting) especially when all I could remember about this film was those awful adverts and the handful of intriguing snippets of action it contained.

Still no doubt the sheer sight of Nicolas Cage’s involvement in this film, will have most folks giving it a skip anyway, especially with Cage working his way out of his tax troubles and other debts by seemingly appearing in every film currently being made. True this has resulted in him taking on some of his more questionable roles, but it is hard to deny that when he does take on a role he digs he really is still an incredible actor, as “Kick-Ass” or “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans” are only further testament to. Sadly though this was not to be one of his better efforts, as he largely sleepwalks his way through this film while never seeming fully committed to the role, yet thanks to a largely no name cast his performance does give the illusion of being better than it is.

The cast director Lussier has assembled here as I mentioned are largely no name, with only half a dozen recognisable faces being drafted for the more dramatically involved parts I.E the ones not requiring you to run around randomly or just being kill count fodder. Sadly for some reason though he also skimped on the casting of the films big evil, as Burke never once feels threatening, despite Lussier frequently showcasing him doing various hideous acts, he still ends up coming off like a henchman than any real kind of threat to Milton. Thankfully the evil quota is partially saved by a scene chewing Fichtner who not only gives a performance with undertones of Christopher Walken but also seems to be having a blast as the relentless henchman of Satan “The Accountant” who is not only invincible but also rocks a sharp suit to boot, while also processing a penchant for coin tosses like Chigurh in “No Country For Old Men” for who both share a relentless devotion to their work. It’s just a shame that more wasn’t made of his role, rather than generally using him as another obstacle for Milton to overcome on the quest to rescue his Grandchild.

On equally strong form is Heard as he waitress Piper who unwittingly becomes Milton’s sidekick. Piper’s character though suffers like so many other aspects of the film from some clumsy characterisation which see’s her character randomly switching back and forth from helpless damsel in distress to ass kicking firecracker on a whim, which is frequently frustrating when you have scenes of her catching her cheating fiancé in bed with another woman who she proceeds to beat the hell out of, as she tosses her out of her trailer, only to then suddenly fall apart when it comes to facing off against her fiancé suddenly losing any of her awesome fighting skills she had only moments earlier, with the only reason being seemingly so that Milton can come and rescue her like a knight in grungy leathers.

As with Lussier’s previous film, the enjoyable remake of “My Bloody Valentine” this film was also released originally in 3D, which as with his previous film I never saw in 3D but rather the 2D conversion which does mean that the once 3D moments now stand out looking like cheap CGI. This of course is a minor issue and one generally covered by the fact that I don’t own a HD TV. Where the real issue is though is that Lussier uses the 3D format in what is very much an old school style in that it is more about the spectacle (and generally seeing what he can throw at the audience). On the plus side this lust for spectacle does occasionally play in the films favour, as it opens with Milton driving a muscle car out of hell, with finale seing Milton and Piper take on King’s army of redneck Satanists in an epic shootout, which includes also includes such highlights members of such as the random naked machine gun welding chick and cultists ablaze and still frenziedly shooting shotguns. Sadly for a film whose title and trailer which sells itself as being high on car smash excitement, feels largely sterile thanks to Lussier largely favouring green screen or over car rigs, which considering that he has a gearhead like Cage on the film seems like a wasted opportunity to have done more like “Gone In Sixty Seconds” for which Cage his own driving still stands a strong testament to his skills behind the wheel.     

Sadly this is far from the neo-grindhouse experience I was hoping for, especially when this is a film were whenever it manages to give the viewer something special I couldn’t help but feel that I had seen it done better before, leaving me with an ultimately hollow viewing experience with a prime example being its shootout during sex which honestly was done better in the underrated “Shoot em-up”, while the dialogue frequently comes off like someone doing a poor Tarantino impersonation. Maybe with the right setting this film could have been a more fun experience, but from this viewing I was left ultimately cold and largely irritated. As such I advise it as one to approach with caution even for Nicolas Cage completists like myself.