Commando

Title: Commando

Director: Mark L. Lester

Released: 1985

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong, Dan Hedaya, Vernon Wells, James Olson, David Patrick Kelly, Alyssa Milano, Bill Duke,

Plot: Retired Commando John Matrix (Schwarzenegger) has settled into an isolated life with his daughter (Milano), only to find himself being forced to carry out a political assassination when his daughter is kidnapped. Now Matrix has eleven hours to rescue his daughter from her kidnappers.

Review: Having launched himself into the public conscious with the Conan movies and “The Terminator” with this film we really started to the see the foundations of the Arnie formula starting with his introduction in this film consisting of close up shots of his muscular frame which only seem to make everything seem bigger and more impressive than it is. Even the chainsaw which looks pretty tiny when we see it, looks like its 6 ft long in its vanity shot.

The opening shot of Schwarzenegger carrying a log over his shoulder is such an iconic shot and feels almost like the studio introducing a major star being introduced  and it could be considered so seeing how compared to the films which came before it, it’s tonly very different with Schwarzenegger trading in the sword and sorcery antics of his early films (Conan / Red Sonja) being changed out for one liners and heroic gunplay which would become the foundation of the classic Schwarzenegger movie formula. Its only on rewatching the film that you also realise just how bonkers that opening title sequence is as we go from shots of the all powerful, man of the earth to shots of Matrix and his daughter getting ice cream and hand feeding a deer, which while important to show the life that Matrix has made for himself since his retirement from the special forces tonely is just such a random switch.

The plot itself is paper thin and really only serves to guide the audience from one exciting moment to the next, especially when Matrix has to do very little work to find his way to the villain Arius’s (Hedaya) hideout on the fictional Val Verde which was also referenced in both “Predator” and “Die Hard 2: Die Harder” which like this film needed a Spanish speaking country like Cuba or Nicaragua but at the same time wanting to avoid any potential diplomatic issues. Sadly the film really lacks a defined villain so it ends up that the henchmen here are actually more interesting than Arius with of course the most key being Vernon Wells “Freddie Mercury on steroids” Bennett another stone cold psycho as Wells channels the same kind of driven intensity which made “Wez” in “Mad Max 2” such a memorable villian, though the questionable fashion choices remain present as here he trades in his ass-less chaps for a chain mail vest! His knife fight with Schwarzenegger though at the finale is the stuff of action movie legend.

Of course the Arnie formula isn’t quite perfect at this point as Matrix is not only shown as being the muscular badass but also capable to superhuman feats of strength such as the ability to tear phone boxes out of the ground or throw nine mall security guards through the air. The strength element is always played down usually with Schwarzenegger’s body size being more of a key element than any kind of strength. These moments as a result end up being pretty jarring when they occur though this film more than nails is the ridiculous elements of heroic gun play which in turn would form the blueprint for the action movie genre.

The action scenes are unquestionably the best parts of the film and only build as the film goes on from a hotel room fist fight with Bill Duke’s green beret (he eats them for breakfast) hanging David Patrick Kelly (who looks comically short throughout) off a cliff. The grand finale being the now legendry shootout with Arius’s personal army which see’s Matrix not only getting to pull out all the “War Toys” but also fire countless bullets without ever having to reload but also find something to turn into a weapon regardless of how cornered he appears to be. The body count alone for this finale might be one of the largest ever filmed.

The other noteworthy aspect of this film and certainly its most overlooked come from Rae Dawn Chong’s unlikely sidekick and air hostess Cindy who is initially unwillingly coerced into helping Matrix get his daughter back only to turn out to be surprisingly resourceful let alone perhaps the first ever member of the “Girls with Rockets” club by taking out a police truck with a rocket launcher. Why is it so rare to see women firing rocket launchers or similar in films? Certainly its a question which came to me when I was on the “Exploding Helicopter Podcast” discussing “Hard Ticket To Hawaii” and lead to me creating a list on Letterboxd to log every film this happens (feel free to name your ideas) so its safe to say thats this film should also get a credit for being so forward thinking to have her weld such a traditionally male weapon with just as much competence as her male counterpart….even if she does initially have it the wrong way around.

A fun side note is that originally this film was going to have a sequel which would have been a reworked version of “Die Hard” and seen Matrix being hired to head up a security team at the big corporation were his daughter is also working as a lawyer. Matrix would make up a team of the toughest and most dangerous people he knows only for them to turn out to be inline with the company he’s working for which is really just a front for illegal arms deals. Matrix of course ending up to fight through all the people he hired to rescue his daughter again which sounds like a great plot but at the same time its hard to argue against how “Die Hard” ultimately turned out. Who knows maybe this will be the plot of “Expendables 4”

For mindless fun this is unquestionably one of the key Schwarzenegger films and one whose cult status has only increased in recent years. Here though we get everything we want from an Arnie movie and while it might not be perfect there enough mindless violence and action to make for the perfect popcorn movie.

Why Don't You Play In Hell

Title: Why Don’t You Play In Hell

Director: Sion Sono
Released: 2013
Starring: Jun Kunimura, Shinichi Tsutsumi, Fumi Nikaido, Tomochika, Hiroki Hasegawa, Gen Hoshino

Plot: Ten years ago, the Kitagawa yakuza clan led an assault against rival don Muto (Kunimura), which saw Muto’s wife (Tomochika) being imprisoned. The retaliation for this attack would leave the Kitagawa clan in ruins and their top hitman Ikegmai (Tsutsumi) wounded. Muto however was left more concerned that his daughter Mitsuko’s tootpaste commercial was axed due to his criminal activities being exposed. Now Ikegami has taken over the Kitagawa clan vowing revenge, while Muto is more concerned about the imminent release of his wife and for her to see Mitsuko (Nikaido) star in her first movie. Here we meet “The Fuck Bombers” and enthusiastic group of wannabe filmmakers, whose dreams stretch well beyond their means who find themselves drawn into a madcap scheme to film the climactic battle between the two Yakuza clans.

 

Review: Right now having read the plot for this movie, you no doubt been left scratching you head as to how any of it could possibly make any kind of sense, much like the prospect I once more found myself in how I could actually start to review this movie. This is film making not for the faint hearted while at the same time this remains too much of a fascinating film to not attempt to get some form of thoughts down.

I first heard about this film through Jess over at "French Toast Sunday" and which is based on a screenplay written by director Sion Sono 15 years ago it feels almost like a tribute to sort of Yakuza epic he perhaps dreamed of making as a younger film maker, while he describes it as “an action film about the love of 35mm” making it as much of a film about the love of film making as it is of the Yakuza dramas it parodies.

Opening with the young Misuko performing in her toothpaste commercial which it soon becomes clear as the film progresses forms the unusual epicentre of this universe, as even ten years after it was axed it remains a shared memory with characters frequently bursting into spontaneous enactments of the commercial whenever mentioned. At the same time we are also introduced to the fuck bombers led by the eternally enthusiastic Hirata (Hasegawa) whose bring a who new meaning to the word Guerrilla filmmaker as they shot on the fly, incorporating anything they find of interest into their film projects which generally resemble budget remakes of Bruce Lee movies. This is of course we see the young Mitsuko stumbling into the aftermath of a failed Yakuza attack and the bodies of the gangsters her mother has just recently dispatched off, the floor filled with blood which suddenly turns into a warped slip and slide. This essentially is the getting off point for the film as things certainly only get weirder and more random from this point onwards.

While the film is multi-threaded in its construction for the most part it resolves around Misuko who in the ten years which have passed as gone from being a sweet little girl into a rebellious teen who having run away from one film production, now heads off again picking up the wide eyed Koji (Hoshino) to play her pretend boyfriend and later to pass off to her father as the only director she will work with despite not knowing the first thing about movie making. While Sono could have easily based the film around his feisty leading lady, his ambition much like the Fuck Bombers is seemingly limitless, as he finds times to work in ample time for the various other subplots at play such as Ikegmai taking over as head of his yakuza clan who he’s changed from their tailored suits to instead favouring komodo’s through to the Fuck Bombers who are just about ready to call time on their dream as the group is faced with the reality that they aren’t going to make the masterpiece they feel they are destined to make only to soon find themselves the answer to Koji’s prayers.

The film moves with such frenzied pace it hard to believe that the film has the generous run time, while some might be a little frustrated that the film spends the first thirty minutes setting the film up only to then skip ten years into the future. Sono however shoots the film with such high energy and inventiveness it envelops you to the point where you never question the frequently illogical or more surreal moments that are scattered throughout the film. True these moments have frequently been the trademark of Soto’s films

Needless to say the real draw here is the anarchic finale which has rightfully drawn comparisons to Kill Bill’s house of blue leaves showdown, even though here it is certainly not shot with any of the artistic flair that Yuen Wo Ping brought with his fight choreography, but instead here Sono aims for frenzied enthusiasm as blood flies in arterial sprays, limbs lopped off and a body count which easily goes into double figures as he finds ever more inventive ways for the two rival yakuza to dispatch each other. While all this is going on we also have Hirata screaming directions and even stopping an opening skirmish and requesting that everyone go back to their places so that he can reshoot it. Unquestionably it’s an exciting sequence and one only held back by the use of CGI for most of the blood effects.

Easily one of the more accessible films in the directors back catalogue, this is a truly unique and high energy entry point to his work, while it stands truly on its own merits for its fierce originality as it remains another film to be experienced to truly appreciate what could certainly be considered one of the most fiercely original films of recent years.

The Lost Empire

Title: The Lost Empire

Director: Jim Wynorski

Released: 1983

Starring: Melanie Vincz, Raven De La Croix, Angela Aames, Angus Scrimm, Paul Coufos, Robert Tessier, Angelique Pettyjohn

Plot: When Police officer Angel’s (Vincz) brother is killed trying to stop a trio of ninja’s robbing a jewellery story, her investigation soon leads her to the mysterious Dr. Sin Do who is holding a martial arts tournament on his secret island fortress. Now joined by the native American White Star (De La Croix) and Prison brawer Heather (Aames) they head to the tournament with the aim of avenging Angel’s brother.

Review: Please allow me to start by saying that his film really is a true shameless guilty pleasure, was well as that this is actually my first experience with the work of director Wynorski who like Albert Pyun unquestionably has his fans and who over the course of the last 25 years has churned out over 150 films to date including possibly his most well-known film “Chopping Mall”. Despite this legacy this film has until now always remained one of his most elusive even to the director himself, who began working with producer Bill Dever in 2007 to track it down and re-acquire the rights, which has now lead to it finally getting its release on DVD.

Almost certain that this film could be both his first and last, Wynorski crammed into this film everything he loved, which it would seem included feisty attractive ladies, ninja’s, martial arts and questionable gorilla suits to all but skim the surface of the sheer random fun this film is. It would only be fate that despite being originally made as a tax loss for Plitt Theatres owner Henry Plitt (something Wynorski reportedly didn’t know at the time) the film would be so liked by Plitt that he gave the film a theatrical release.

Essentially a sexed up version of “Enter the Dragon” the seemingly also fancies itself as a female James Bond spoof seeing how it opens with the familiar Bond peephole which this time draws focus on a pair of large breasts. It should be noted that this is essentially a hint of what is to come as like the films of David Sedaris and Russ Meyer, Wynorski is unashamedly also a fan of cramming as many beautiful women as he can into his films and generally finding provocative situation in which to film them something which continues with his work to date. 

Still despite this it would be wrong to dismiss this film as gratuitous T&A as there is atleast some attempt made at plotting, even if most of it is completely over the top, with the last half hour of this film being especially insane to the point were I was left questioning if they shot those scenes first or if Wynorski had just thrown caution completely to the wind knowing how random the rest of the film was already.

When it comes to the trio they are more a caricatures than with any form of realism as only highlighted by each of their introductions, hence Angel busting up a hostage situation at a school by riding a motorcycle down the hallway and punching out a random bad guy, while Heather is introduced by a prison yard brawl against a bull whip welding butch looking female dominatrix called whiplash, which essentially an excuse to include mud wrestling in the film. The weakest of the three though is White Star who just shows up on horse and spouts a bunch of Tonto-esq lines which I guess is kind of fitting seeing how Wynorski uses her character like a sexy version of Tonto.

It should also be worth noting that while the setup might be as a martial arts movie, there is actually very little martial arts action to be found here outside of the occasional kick or karate chop. This is especially amusing when it comes to the tournament were the competitors are told to expect a series of gratuitous challenges which will test their skills, only for the next scene to show the girls running around the grounds and through cones alongside shots of the girls being star jumps and pretty much anything else involving jumping to make the most of their general lack of clothing.  As such the whole competition plotline is quickly put on the backburner pretty much as soon as it starts, with only one fight actually taking place and that’s between Angel and one of Sin Do’s generic henchmen.

To balance things out from all the slap and tickle antics of the girls we do get a half-baked romance angle between Angel and Rick (Coufos) who with his classy porn star moustache is generally used for comedic value as he spends most of the film hamming things up which always seems to be the tradition for the romantic interest in these kind of girl gang movies. On the flip side he does also help balance out the amount of scantily clad ladies featured and pleases those of you who want to see shirtless Coufos.

While I might not be aware of Wynorski’s work before watching this film, I’m now keen to see what else is hiding in his back catalogue of work as this film really was a blast from the start. Ultimately though this film is  mindless fun and the sort of guilty pleasure to sit alongside the likes of “Faster Pussycat Kill Kill” and “Return to Savage Beach” and with the self-acknowledging cheese factor that most modern b-movies seem to aim for as seen especially with the recent direct to sci-fi channel releases from the likes of “The Asylum” and after all what other film can boast a phallus shaped laser cannon?

At The Earth's Core

Title: At The Earth’s Core

Director:  Kevin Connor

Released: 1976
Starring: Peter Cushing, Doug McClure, Caroline Munro, Cy Grant, Godfrey James, Keith Barron

Plot: Victorian scientist Dr. Perry (Cushing) and his assistant David (McClure) are making a test run of their drilling machine “The Iron Mole” when a freak accident throws them off course, were they invariantly discover a prehistoric world of monsters and cavemen ruled by the telepathic Mahars and their mindless Sagoth servants.
 

 

Review: Another of my childhood favourites aswell staring my hero Doug McClure whose fantastical adventures were firm favourites amongst those early cinematic experiences as McClure played rugged heroes all about seducing exotic ladies and generally punching out anything which got in his way, I mean what's not to like about that? While I might not have known his name at the time I did however know that if he was in the film then monsters and dinosaurs would soon follow, an assumption only furthered by the fact that it was only those movies of McClure that were shown over here in the UK.

Based on the novel of the same name by Edgar Rice Burroughs who is no doubt best known for creating both "Tarzan" and "John Carter of Mars" with this first book establishing the fictional hollow Earth of Pellucidar, which would be featured in a further six books with even Tarzan paying a visit to this mysterious land. Needless to say it makes for the perfect vehicle for McClure who at the time was coming in hot on the back of the success of “The Land That Time Forgot” while also finishing off the trilogy that the British production company Amicus had unintentionally created with the prior releases the aforementioned Land that Time Forgot and its sequel “The People That Time Forgot”. This time though he is teamed up to great effect with a blustering Peter Cushing who here is pretty much transferring his Doctor Who persona to a different film, which really only adds to the fun, especially when he’s so frequently hamming things up. Still despite this added bonus or distraction depending on your stand point on his performance, this film really is just business as usual for McClure especially as the film wastes almost zero time before we get out first giant monster encounter, something only added to by the raw awesomeness of McClure who is so cool he’s able to run while still smoking a cigar!

The plot itself is pretty minimalistic and generally serves to fill in the gaps between the monster action and McClure finding someone new to brawl with, which is essentially what he spend most of the film doing, as together with Cushing they form the perfect blend of brains and brawn. This is not to say that David is some square jawed thug, as he frequently proves himself capable thinking through situations especially when it comes to befriending the native human population who handily also speak perfect English despite having no contact with the surface world. Of course such things are minor concern, seeing how the main draw of McClure’s monster movies was the monster themselves with this film featuring the most varied selection from gigantic monsters through to carnivorous plants and even a fire breathing frog here they really pull out the stops with these creations, while clearly not trying to base them on any sort of known dinosaur which was always seemed to the case in the other films.

The villains here are pretty hammy to say the least with the rubbery and far from aerodynamic Mahars, who when not communicating telepathically through a migraine inducing whine, generally just sit around on their cliff top leaving their comb-over loving Sagoth servants to do all the work for them. Unsurprisingly for a bunch of guys in questionable dinosaur costumes when they do take flight it looks as you would expect like a they are flying around with the same sort of wire work you’d expect from a pantomime Peter Pan, while  by the end of the film the production team had clearly had enough of them as they look suspiciously like they have been stuffed with newspaper and just tossed off the cliff top

Shot on soundstages at Pinewood Studios it is perhaps a more limited prehistoric world, but seeing how director Connor was trying to deliver an epic on a budget its not too distracting even if the world is far from as immersive as the other McClure monster movies. However with a large amount of the action taking place in the volcano lair of the Mahar’s it doesn’t ever prove too noticeable until you start looking at the film more closely. Thankfully though Connor keeps things pretty busy on screen for you to pay too much attention to the surroundings for there is usually some monster or heated battle to enjoy and when neither of those are available he generally just parades the scantily clad future Bond girl Munro in front of the camera.

While this might have been a childhood favourite, it still holds up surprisingly well even if perhaps I am viewing it with a healthy dose of nostalgia which certainly helps when some of the creatures are more noticeably rubbery looking than they perhaps did back then. At the same time though this is still a highly entertaining romp aswell as arguably the best of the McClure’s monster movies or making a suitable double bill partner with “Yor: Hunter of the Future”.

Pacific Rim

Title: Pacific Rim

Director: Guillermo del Toro
Released: 2013
Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Robert Kazinsky, Max Martini, Ron Perlman

Plot: When monstrous creatures known as Kaiju start to rise from the sea, the governments of the world come together to construct gigantic robots called Jaegers to combat the threat.

Review: It is no secret that I’m a big fan of Kaiju movies, so needless to say I was excited as always to hear that there was a new addition to the genre being made, while this excitement was only further cranked up to eleven when I found out it was being made by Guillermo del Toro. A highly visual director, time and time again Del Toro has managed to constantly raise the film making bar, both in terms of storytelling and visual effects even more so with his insistence on using old school effects were possible, something which made me especially curious going into this film to see if he could make a film heavily reliant on CGI without losing the same presence his previous films have had.

Born seemingly out of frustration over his adaption of H.P Lovecraft’s “At The Mountains of Madness” del Toro here falls back on his long term love of monsters, wrapped up in a blockbuster format, while at the same time opting to make a much lighter and breezier style of film, rather than following the current trend of aiming for ultra-realism which ultimately plays in the films favour, but then can you really make a sober movie about robots fighting monsters? Unquestionably though del Toro’s love for Kaiju movies is clear here while at the same time he is keen to not emulate the likes of Gamera or Godzilla, as not only seen in the designs of his Kaiju and Jaeger’s but also with his action scenes which fully embrace the freedom of movement and creativity which CGI allow compared to the man in suit limitations of the films which preceded it.  At the same time though interestingly the Kaiju designs still maintain elements of old school Kaiju designs which del Toro clearly loves so much.

Reportedly over one hundred different Kaiju and Jaeger’s were created and eliminated during pre-production, which no doubt would make for a great coffee table book should del Toro ever choose to release them. The chosen designs though are all suitably memorable especially in the case of the Jaeger’s which showcase an evolution of the design from the lumbering mark 1 Cherno Alpha though to the sleeker and more humanoid newer models like Striker Eureka and Raleigh’s own Jaeger Gipsy Danger.

Like the films it homages the plotting is much along the same simple plot lines, as following a disastrous confrontation with a Kaiju which killed his brother and co-pilot, hotshot Jaeger pilot Raleigh (Hunnam) quits the program only to soon find himself drawn back into the fight when Jaeger commander Stacker Pentecost (Elba) devises plan to finally end the war for good. This return of course means that he has to find a new co-pilot which he soon finds in the inexperienced Mako (Kikuchi).  True it is a tried and tested plot but here it is effectively used to tie together the main draw which is of course the monster sized smackdowns.

Needless to say those scenes are the real highlights of the film, with del Toro being free of the restraints that may have held by the old school Kaiju movies, here he gets to unleash some truly memorable brawls on the screen. These sequences are only further helped by the top notch CGI work which thankfully maintains the personality and charm of the old school film held, especially with the Jaegers really coming across like lumbering titans you’d expect them to be. By shooting in CGI del Toro really unleashes his creativity during these scenes, especially during a Hong Kong set brawl which memorably sees a tanker being used a makeshift bat. On the downside though these smackdowns are unfortunately more sporadic than some fans may like, considering how they form the start and latter end of the film, with a lengthy training section between, as Raleigh and Mako attempt to build the required bond required to pilot Jaeger’s, while also trying to work through Mako’s lack of experience which leaves her open to the mental effects the neural bridge can create, which in Mako’s case is flashbacks to a Kaiju attack she survived as a child, which is essentially just an excuse to cram in some more Kaiju action which I can’t say I had any problem with.

On the human side of things, it is a likeable group of characters which del Toro brings together, while at the same time it is very much a comic book style which he chooses to portray them in, hence we get the hyperactive triplets and the bulldog accompanied Australian father and son team of Herc (Martini) and Chuck (Kazinsky) whose canine companion I assumed to be a nod to the British tank commanders of WW2 who frequently were also accompanied by Bulldogs and whose bravado certainly matches that of some of the Jaeger pilots, many seeing themselves as invincible as she embrace the celebrity status that their Kaiju killing skills brings them. Elba meanwhile despite claiming to have studied various politicians such as Barak Obama for the inspiration for his scenery chewing role as Commander Pentecost, which has more in common with Sgt. Apone from “Aliens” than any of the politicians he cited as his inspiration which honestly is no bad thing. This style of characterisation perfectly suits the tone of the film and makes a refreshing change from the current need to ground every comic book or fantastical movie with a sense of reality. Such breaking of the rules only further continues with del Toro refusing to clumsily tack on a romantic sub-plot between Raleigh and Mako, with the two sharing more of a sibling bond than any kind of romantic collection, with a hug being as steamy as things gets between these two.  

A real homage to Kaiju movies for fans of the genre there is plenty to love here, while no doubt leaving you with an urge to revisit some of your favourites once the credits have rolled. I only hope that the rumours surrounding a sequel are true as I certainly wouldn't mind seeing were del Toro chooses to take the story next, even though this film works perfectly as a solo entry, it is one of those rare occasions were a confirmed sequel would be warmly welcomed.

Easy A

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title: Easy A

Director: Will Cluck

Released: 2010

Starring: Emma Stone, Penn Badgley, Amanda Bynes, Dan Byrd, Thomas Haden Church, Patricia Clarkson, Cam Gigandet, Lisa Kudrow, Malcolm McDowell, Aly Michlka

Plot: Clean cut student Olive (Stone) lies to her best friend Rhiannon (Michalka) about going on a date to get out of a camping trip, which soon escalates to her lying aswell about losing her virginity to a college guy. However when her lie is overheard by the strictly religious Marianne (Bynes), it soon starts to spread around the school while also leading to a surprising new business for Olive

Review: Okay it’s safe to say that when I was working out what to watch this for my review, things weren’t going so great seeing how I been drenched by two jerks driving through puddles beside me on the way home, as well as the stupid blinds falling down again….needless to say it wasn’t the best of times. So hence I decided to finally watching while angry punching the buttons on the Sky+ in hopes of finding something fun and carefree. It is only all the more of a bonus that it also happened to feature Emma Stone

Following in the footsteps of Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You and Cruel Intentions, this film sees Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlett Letter” also getting the high school remake treatment in what was originally intended to be the first part of an interlinking trilogy of films and one which would have seen both “Cyrano de Bergerac” and “The Mystery of Edwin Drood” also being given a similar treatment. As of the time of writing this is still to happen and sadly currently seems unlikely to either. Still as a standalone film this still stands well on its own as Olive not so much reworks the story of Hester Prynne, but instead draws comparison between Hester’s life and her own as their situation especially as both are thrown into turmoil by the rumour of sexual promiscuity.

One big difference here though is that Olive unlike Hester refuses to let her new found reputation as the school tramp persecute her, as she not only starts playing up her fake reputation by dressing more provocatively and proudly displaying a red A (the old symbol adulaters as well as the symbol Hester was branded with) on her clothes as she works it for the added popularity and increase social status it gives her, especially when she helps her gay friend Brandon (Byrd) convince the rest of the school is straight by pretending to sleep with him, an event which soon has her offering a similar service to boys at her school that are hopeless in love to help improve their own social status’s in exchange for money and gifts though while this starts well with her friend Brandon the quality of gifts soon sharply decline in quality, which only makes it all the more amusing to see Olive working her own pricing structure in regards to what a hardware gift card gets someone.
 

Sadly while the film plays out it’s Scarlett Letter inspired plot well, it sadly throws it away in the last quarter with an unneeded romance between Olive and the school mascot “Woodchuck” Todd played here with grating smugness by Penn Badgley, who I can only guess director Cluck felt came across more hip than he does. It is equally frustrating that the film in places descends into an John Hughes homage, especially with the ending which goes for the grand crescendo of combining elements of The Breakfast Club, Say Anything and Can’t Buy Me Love to nauseating effect and the overwhelming feeling that Cluck couldn’t think of any other way to end it, especially when it doesn’t flow as well as an earlier nod to “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”. Still these references only continue to baffle further when you consider that she is supposed to be a current 17 year old and honestly I don’t know many kids born in the 90’s / 00’s who really care about these movies held in such high regard by the kids of my own generation who mostly grew up with them, while those playing catch up like myself usually struggle to see what the fuss is about. True Olive is played as being mature for her age, especially as she confidently references the key points of the “The Scarlett Letter” something I doubt most students her age could, let alone will have watched both film versions, even if her comparison and dismissal of the Demi Moore version is great.

Of course the real strength of this film lies with the confident lead performance by Emma Stone, who is every bit the feisty redhead with an equally sharp and witty tongue, which only makes Olive more fun to be around. It is also equally an advantage that Stone is more than capable of providing a frequently humorous narration (something deceptively harder than it seems as Keira Knightly proved as she snarled her way through “Domino”) as she regales the tale of her current situation via webcast complete with handwritten title cards. Equally fun is the support from the more established actors like Thomas Haden Church who appears as a cliché spouting teacher, while Lisa Kudrow takes a break from playing her usual dumb blondes and psycho bitches to instead give us a more neurotic and frantic character as the school guidance councillor who also seems to be frequently justifying her role within the school, as she references one after school session for a student who brought a butter knife to school as she proclaims “It’s a gateway knife”. Both are so much fun here it makes me wonder why they are not seen more.
 

Sadly such strong support doesn’t extend to her fellow students who are a mixed bag to say the least with Bynes’s fanatical Christian being so over the top that it regularly becomes farcial, but considering how Bynes’s suffered a breakdown which saw her retire from acting after this film it is hard to tell with this knowledge how much of this was planned. Equally unbelievable is Michalka as Olive’s supposive best friend Rhiannon, but never at one point does their friendship seem believable which is only made the more worrying when they are supposed to be best friends which never seems to come across at any point, as instead we are left with a feeling that Rhiannon is someone who has just claimed friendship with Olive rather than anything closer.

It is purely on the strength of Stone’s abilities as an actress that this film is as strong as it is, especially with its artistic licence regarding students and patching supporting cast, let alone the fact she pretty much carries it on her own performance which ultimately makes this a fun and breezy watch and certainly put me in better mood, but then considering how fun Olive is to be around its hardly surprising and the type of role we will see Stone playing more in the future, especially as who doesn’t love a feisty redhead?

Santa's Slay

Title: Santa’s Slay

Director: David Steiman

Released: 2005

Starring: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp, Dave Thomas, Saul Rubinek, Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan, James Caan, Fran Drescher

Plot: Santa Claus (Goldberg) it would seem is not quite the jolly fat guy we all thought he was. Turns out he is in fact a demon who 1,000 years ago lost a bet to an angel which meant that he was forced to become a bringer of toys and happiness. Now the 1,000 years are up and Santa has now returned to his former ways which is especially bad news for the residents of Hells Township as Santa Claus is coming to town!
 

 

Review: Wrestlers as a rule rarely make good actors, somthing the failed attempts to break into the field by Hulk Hogan highlighted, especially when these movies ultimately ended up being as laughable as his wrestling career and like that one better remember through the rose tinted glasses of nostalgia. Hogan of course is not the only example as “WWE Films” have seemingly only just learned this same harsh lesson seeing how their latest output see’s the wrestlers now being given more supporting roles than anything resembling the leading roles the studio originally had planned with this off shoot. However this is not to say that there have not been those who have broke the mould as John Cena proved to be quite a watchable action star in both “The Marine” aswell as “12 Rounds” while Kane also proved himself a menacing force in “See No Evil” even if he was essentially just transplanting his wrestling persona into a horror set.

Of course with this history of wrester actors in mind you could excuse me for being alittle sceptical about the idea of Goldberg playing a demonic Santa, afterall his stabs at acting previous to this had been limited to playing a super soldier in “Universal Soldier 2” and essentially playing himself in the underrated “Ready To Rumble” but here he really nails it right from his opening dinner party massacre which not only puts the opening of “Punisher: War Zone” to shame but I would love to think that Christopher Nolan found the inspiration for the Joker’s disappearing pencil trick from this opening, were Santa makes a whole turkey leg disappear. True Goldberg might have an advantage with his dominating size certainly helping make the character truly seem imposing, but here he also proves himself more than capable with the scenes requiring him to flex his acting muscles and even pulls off the more subtle comedy moments such as hastily spraying down a stripper pole before he uses it as a makeshift club.

Elsewhere the film has two great young leads with Douglas Smith and Emilie de Ravin who may not have to do anything particularly heavy acting wise, but are still a fun duo to be around especially as the film doesn’t allow itself to fall into the usual pitfalls of having Smith lust after Ravin for the runtime of the film. Instead the focus is kept purely on stopping Santa and only give into their lusts once he has been stopped, which honestly felt awhole lot more natural than it would have been had the film followed the usual template especially considering how majorly out of his league Ravin is yet alone a feisty firecracker who is more than capable of spearheading their misadventure. Still it does make me wonder why they never really went on to do more, much like why Thora Birch didn’t come off “Ghost World” as big a star as Scarlett Johanson did. I guess its this sort of situation which has resulted in me being so frequently forced to endure yet another Emma Watson performance.

Considerably lighter in tone than the other killer Santa movies which came before it, this film plays things strictly for laughs, as established from the opening dinner party massacre whose creative kills see one guest being flambéed and drowned in eggnog and another being killed by a Christmas star while the fact that the film also carries a healthy body count to boot only adds to the fun here, which alongside the quick pacing of the film, ensures that the film never gets a chance to get itself bogged down in minor subplots or disposable characters unless those characters are soon to be meeting a creative death or in one case eaten by demonic reindeer.

Meanwhile the film is shot in a deliberately over the top style this is a confident debut from Steiman, who after despite spending most of his carrer working as a production assistant to Bret Ratner who also appears as a producer here. Sadly despite the fun energy this film brings it remains the sole film from Steiman who seems to have since dropped off the radar since the release of this film. As such this remains much like this film a curiosity especially when they is such a fun film and an essential part of my own alternative Christmas viewing since I first saw it last year. Still if your able to not just the fact that the film features a wrestler in the lead villain role there is plenty to enjoy here, as this is one Santa with muscles who is worth watching even if it does leave you wondering by the end credits why it not as popular as other Alt. Christmas favourites.

Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil

Title: Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil
Director: Eli Craig
Released: 2012
Staring: Alan Tudyk, Tyler Labine, Katrina Bowden, Chelan Simmons, Jesse Moss

Plot: Best friends Tucker (Tudyk) and Dale (Labine) head up to Tuckers rundown holiday shack with plans of fishing, drinking beer and generally doing the place up, unaware that a group of college kids are also camping nearby. After rescuing one of their group Allison (Bowden), after a skinny dipping mishap, the boys soon find themselves on the wrong end of a series of misunderstandings which sees them being mistaken for the same crazed rednecks responsible for a series of murders in the area, as the college kids attempt to rescue Allison.

Review: Ever since Herschell Gordon Lewis unwittingly launched the “Hicksploitation” genre with “Two Thousand Maniacs”(1964) with it confederate flag waving loony’s showing a group of unwittingly tourists a whole new kind of southern hospitality , the redneck community have seemingly been demonised eternally with the likes of “I Spit On Your Grave” and “Southern Comfort" hardly helping while the words “Squeal Piggy” are still able to send a chill down the spine thanks to the mountain men of “Deliverance”, while Hollywood has continued to see them as the last easy target when in need of a bad guy fodder, especially with every other social group now deemed untouchable from movie xenophobia, while the hillbilly is frequently used as a representation of the more primitive side that as members of civilised society we have since long left behind. Still the red neck community should fear no longer as Director Eli Craig has set out to not only readdress the balance, but with “Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil” to also spin on the genre on it’s head as the roles are reversed. two hillbillies and

Despite being essentially a one joke film Director Craig has somehow managed to turn this film into so much more and what could be one of the funniest films of the year, as he shows us the flipside of the familiar horror scenarios and managing to really blow a simple to misunderstanding to the extreme, especially as the bodies start to pile up in a series of increasingly exaggerated deaths as wood chippers, hatchets and even the woods themselves prove to be surprisingly deadly to the unwitting college kids, with the majority of deaths in the film being accidents which only further paint Tucker and Dale as the psycho hillbillies they really aren’t.

The key reason for the success of the film lyes in the fact that Tucker and Dale are such a fun creations that they make the already brief run time fly past even quicker, as it’s a blast to be in the company of these two, as they play off each other with perfect comedy timing like the wilderness version of Laurel and Hardy, with Tudyk taking a break from playing oddballs and generally creepy killers which seem to be the majority of his recent roles since being thrown into the acting wildness, since the premature end of “Firefly” were he memorably played Walsh and here he’s crafts another fun creation as the frequently bewildered Tucker trying to figure out exactly were all these college kids are coming from, let alone why they seem to so intent on killing both him and Dale. Labine is also on great form as Dale, the slow witted best friend of Tucker who is just a big softy as well as painfully, despite his size frequently giving the opposite impression. Meanwhile the naivety of this duo also provides fertile ground to further play off familiar horror clichés, as they seem completely oblivious to the animal bones hanging from the walls of the shack, let alone the collection of newspaper cuttings about the college kids massacred by a killer hillbilly, instead focusing on the coupon for free hotdogs.

The college kids on the other hand are usual stereotypical group of slasher fodder with some of the group such as dumb blonde Chloe (Simmons) especially being played for laughs as she runs around the woods in her heels, meanwhile thanks to a fantasy campsite massacre any archetypes missing from the group, such as the geeky guy are covered for, while not only adding to the surprisingly high body count, but also adding gas to the groups misunderstanding as they soon start drawing comparisons between those rednecks and their current counterparts.

Gore wise things are played strictly for laughs, as the gore and violence is kept comical throughout with geyser of blood being the order of the day, with Craig thankfully never feeling the need to take the film into any kind of darker place, even when the kids are goaded into a misguided torture attempt by the real crazy of the film Chad (Moss) who not only doesn’t taken rejection well, with his darker side first making an appearance after being Allison, but somehow manages to get the group to frequently follow his misguided attempts to rescue her. Still each of these failed attempts only seem to make him more deranged, especially as his social circle slowly begins to dwindle, so that by the films sawmill climax he is a full blown chainsaw welding crazy.

Despite having the plot essentially being one joke, it never seems to be stretched thin even with seemingly filler scenes such as when Allison attempts to conduct a misguided therapy session to try and clear up the misunderstandings between the two groups while each refuse to put down their individual weapons. Meanwhile a blossoming romance between Allison and Dale is introduced with Dale slowly winning her over with his clumsy and goofy affections, yet this never feels in any way forced or unnatural even if it is the most unlikely of parings. Still were the film truly succeeds is in its accessibility, for you can watch this film with only the barest of ideas about the films it is paying homage to and still have a blast while smart dialogue and writing saves it from being reference heavy as the painfully tedious (Insert Movie genre here) Movies have become, having long since drifted away from their “Scary Movie” roots to the point were even the genre they are spoofing seems like an afterthought, unlike here were focus is never traded for a quick laugh, with the humour being largely organic with none of the deaths including the standout wood chipper death seemingly like anything other than an unfortunate accident, rather than a telegraphed sequence, with this style of humour continuing even as Tucker and Dale’s situation become all the more farcical as noted by Tucker when questioned by the local sheriff

“Oh hidy ho officer, we’ve had a doozy of a day. There we were minding our own business, just doing chores around the house, when kids started killing themselves all over my property.”

While this film seems set to be a film which will find its audience on DVD like so many cult comedies, it is still worth hunting down for the whole new take on Hillbilly horror which makes you wonder why no one has thought of doing this before. Still with Tucker and Dale we have a duo who I’d love to see further adventures from, perhaps seeing them unwittingly battling more traditional bogeymen, rather than being left as one hit characters as they currently seem judging by no immediate plans to follow this film up with a sequel, but for now here’s hoping this isn’t the last we have seen of Tucker and Dale.

For Your Height Only

 

Title: For Your Height Only

Director: Eddie Nicart
Released: 1981
Staring: Weng Weng, Yehlen Cathral, Carmi Martin, Anna Marie Gutierrez, Beth Sandoval, Max Alverado, Mike Cohen, Tony Ferrer, Jim Gaines, Rodolfo ‘Boy’ Garcia, Romy Nario, Ruben Ramos

Plot: When Mr. Giant kidnaps the brilliant scientist Dr. Van Kohler (Cohen), in a bid to get his hands on the N-Bomb, superspy Agent 00 (Weng) is despatched to stop him.

Review: Possibly one of the better known Filipino genre movies no doubt largely in part to it’s 2’9 leading man and cult figure Weng Weng, with this film being possibly his most well-known. So with Emily (Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense) looking at “The Man With The Golden Gun” as part of her 3rd Annual shortening. A full month of films devoted to the vertically challenged, be they dolls, trolls, spiders, monkey butlers, bratz, cats and more! What better time to revisit this shall we say unique film.

Setup exactly the same as the Bond movies it spoofs even shamelessly using the Bond Theme, with the title being a deliberate (and not to say obvious) play on “For Your Eyes Only” which was released the same year as this film, so hence we Dr. Van Kohler is kidnapped by the forces of evil, which in this case look like pretty much every other generic crime movie gang even to the point where they don’t even bother with an actual name for their organisation, though they do have a magic mirror which flashes on and off and serves as their sole source of communication with the illusive Mr. Giant. Still despite kidnapping Dr. Kohler it is still pretty confusing what their actual goal is  seeing how at one point it seems to be about flooding schools with drugs hidden inside loafs of bread, which is kind of a questionable plan seeing how kids don’t usually have access to large amounts of cash to buy drugs, which no doubt explains why they then change I to threatening the world with the N-Bomb, a device which is not only explained as to what it actually does, but never appears on screen and seemingly exists in name only.

While the villians attempts at actually villainy might be shall we say slightly unfocused, at least when it comes to the character of Agent 00 it is alittle more on target, as he is introduced in classic Bond style, lounging around the pool with a couple of bikini clad ladies, as despite his short stature he certainly never seems to have any problem with the ladies especially as he gives even Bond’s seduction skills a run for their money over the course of the film. Equally like Bond, Agent 00 has his own set of gadgets which are introduced via possibly the most vague gadget briefing ever, as he is passed the gadgets often with only a brief outline of what they do or in some cases such as his x-ray glasses no information atall other than “Pretty Cool, Huh?” as Agent 00 just gives a knowing smile. It is actually kind of handy that he knows what half of these things do as the audience is certainly never filled in, often only finding out when he uses them for the first time. The gadgets he is given, though seem like such a mixed bag, while frequently there to give another knowing nod to Bond, as Agent 00 not only gets his own “Thunderball” style jet pack but also a remote control hat seemingly modelled after Oddjob’s bowler hat from “Goldfinger”, only with non of the same deadly potential as this hat just floats around in front of the bad guys, who due to their pathetically cowardly nature are intimidated enough by this cheap effect of a hat on a string to just run away, leaving me now with the belief that flying hats are clearly a lot scarier to Filipino gangsters than the rest of the world!

Such randomness seems to come as standard with the majority of Agent 00’s gadgets, meaning that we gets scenes such as when he uses his x-ray glasses, which not only allow him to see the bad guys hiding in his hotel room, but also them naked seeing how x-ray works only on fabric and not actual human skin. Agent 00 also has his own mini PPK style pistol aswell as a quick assembly mini machine gun, yet when neither is available to hand, he never seems to have trouble finding a miniature weapon nearby, as seen during the climatic raid on Mr. Giant’s island hide away were he takes on a number of samurai warrior armed with a mini Katanta which seemingly appears out of nowhere. Needless to say either without his weapons he is just as capable with his martial arts skills, which are surprisingly nimble with the scenes were he gets to show off these skills, actually being one of the better handled and more coherent of the film, which randomly skips between random scenes on almost the same whim that “Sister Street Fighter” memorably did. Considering that Weng Weng was an avid martial arts enthusiast it is unsurprising hat these scenes are handled a lot better than most of the film, as he showcases not only surprising speed, but also a Jackie Chan style fluidity even as he utilises his surroundings frequently to his advantage, much like his height which seems to be a real weakness for the gangsters he faces, who frequently seem to be overwhelmed in these confrontations.

The real humour of the film though is with the questionable dub track, which it is hard to tell if it is supposed to be so intentionally funny or something which was added later in distribution. Either way it contains such gems as

"You're such a tiny little guy, though. Very petite, like a potato".

"why, he's making a monkey out of the forces of evil"

Or my personal favourite which is said in reference to a crime scene photographer

"I wonder if she does Bar Mitzvahs".

As I said it is hard to tell how much is planned, especially when the film features so many moments of physical comedy, such as a running joke about Agent 00 banging his head while sliding across the floor.

For all the randomness in the film, it is really a credit to Weng Weng that it is actually as watchable as it is, as he owns the character of Agent 00, as he confidently struts around n polyester suits and turtlenecks, often wearing sunglasses which almost cover his entire face, while making even somehow making more random moments of the film slightly more plausible than they could have been, no doubt thanks to his own abilities as an actor / martial artist and the end result despite the obvious budget restraints is the sort of enjoyable nonsense that you hope to find when hunting down these kinds of movies and while it is certainly not a lone example of dwarf-sploitation (if that’s the right term) with films like “The Terror of Tiny Town” and to an extent “Electra Glide In Blue” being other key examples, while Weng Weng would go on to make a sequel to this film “The Impossible Kid” aswell as the western “D’Wild Wild Weng” before his star began to fade, while this still remains one of the better and certainly more fun examples of the genre.

Welcome To The Jungle AKA: The Rundown

Title: Welcome To the Jungle AKA: The Rundown

Director: Peter Berg
Released: 2003
Staring: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken, Ewen Bremner, Jon Gries, Ernie Reyes Jr, William Lucking, Arnold Schwarzenegger

Plot: Beck (Johnson) is a “retrieval expert”, keen to get out of the business so that he can open a restaurant, something not made easier by boss Walker (Lucking) constantly screwing him over. However when Walker agrees to release Beck from his contract if he can do one last job, he soon finds himself heading to South America to get Walker’s son Travis (Scott) in the town of El Dorado nicknamed “Helldorado” by the locals due to local tyrant Hatcher (Walken) who is not so keen to let Travis leave, especially when he belives that Travis can lead him to a rare artefact O Gato do Diablo aka “The Devils Cat”.
 

Review: Despite being the breakout film for Johnson whom at this point was still working under his equally well know wrestling alter-ego “The Rock”, it surprisingly remains largely unseen by most people outside of wrestling / action fans which is something of a shame as it is certainly one of the better wrestler headling productions which WWE Studios was setup to make, especially with WWE owner Vince McMahon never being one to miss a promotion opportunity, even though wrestlers have hardly had a track record as credible acting talent, even more when such promotion ideas have lead to the world being given such cinematic monstrosities as “Santa With Muscles” and “Mr. Nanny” both staring Hulk Hogan back when he decided to take a break from trying to convince the world he was still relevant as a wrestler and instead was trying to convince the world he could act.

Still this has not been to say that there haven’t been wrestlers who have managed to transfer their ring presence to the screen, as seen with Kane (See No Evil), Rowdy Roddy Piper (They Live / Hell Comes To Frogtown) and current WWE favourite John Cena who surprisingly has not had the same luck that Johnson has had, despite appearing in the surprisingly good “The Marine” and the sadly overlooked “12 Rounds”, though perhaps if he wasn’t appearing in trash like “Fred: The Movie” it might also help. This film however would prove to be just the boost that Johnson’s acting career needed, especially after his previous lead in “The Scorpion King” failed to be the star making vehicle that it was expected to be, while this film seemingly was crafted to work to all of Johnson’s strengths such as his natural charm and general ass kicking abilities, while finally showing him as the leading man the WWE wanted him to be seen as.

Director Berg was an interesting choice to direct this film, especially considering that his only feature credit at this point in his career was the black comedy “Very Bad Things” a polar opposite of this film, which clearly sparked in him a taste for action movies, especially seen by the films like “The Kingdom” and “Battleship” which followed in the wake of this film and here crafts a confident and flashy action comedy which with its treasure hunting subplot also seemingly is trying to work within a similar mould to the Indiana Jones movies. Berg though ensures that the film hits the ground running with a brutal club fight when a collection doesn’t go as smoothly as Beck would like and from here the pace never lets up the film continues at a breezy pace, effortless combining scenes of comedy with bone crunching action, with Johnson proving himself equally at home with either style, while Scott provides most of the laughs as he plays the sort of goofball sidekick that Johnny Knoxville has been for the best part of his acting career been trying to play with decidedly mixed results and even though is essentially the same kind of double act we saw in “Bullet Proof Monk”. Also on comedy relief is Ewan Bremner who no doubt most of us remember as Spud from Trainspotting, than any of his other random roles and here seems to be have been included only because American audiences find the Scottish accent insanely funny or so it would seem, especially considering that its this kind of thinking that gave Shrek (something else I don’t get the appeal of) a Scottish accent.

Certainly what really helps this film though is the huge advantage of casting Walken as its Villain, who here truly is on scene chewing duties as he manages to invoke the same kind of presence that he had in “King of New York” were he doesn’t need to rely on random of acts of violence to seem imposing and like Frank in that film, he has his group of thugs enforce his will should anyone wish to test him, which in this case is a group of bullwhip welding heavies. Meanwhile his income is supplied through forcing the local villagers to dig in his mines for gold, something which I have a feeling was more the result of a rewrite in the production process, even more so when his mines have more the look of a blood diamond mine, which is what I assume he was originally mining for. Still this is Walken at his villainous best, so that when he steps up to a towering man mountain like Johnson (even more so outside of the ring), he still retains an intimidating error and one of someone very much in control of the situation, even though Beck could no doubt despatch of Hatcher with the minimum amount of ease, Hatcher’s status within this village as a tyrant means that he raised well before his own limitations and it’s a role sold perfectly by Walken.

Beck though is far from your traditional action hero, seeing how he shuns the use of guns and would prefer to diplomatically work things out with his foes, rather than just using his fists, as seen during the opening confrontation, were after his initial attempts to reason with the football player he’s been set to collect from result in a drink to the face, normal cue to said football player to be introduced to alittle badass dentistry, but instead Beck walks away and phone his bosses to try and find another way to handle the situation, only to then be forced into unleashing his badass side which as we will see throughout the film is never a good thing for those crossing Beck. However bizarrely there is no real reason given for why Beck handles his business like this or why he hates guns, with the only reason being given is the idea that seemingly Beck is only in his current line of work to help fund his restaurant dream. Beck however as would see with the later action movies Johnson has made, is the same kind of softly softly action hero that his future similar roles would be cast from and the sort of badass that Vin Diesel likes to play, were with their size they appear dominating yet are more happy to avoid confrontation were they can and either reason or intimidate those who get in their way, before resorting to a good old fashioned ass kicking when that fails.

Looking back at this film it is now easy to see how Johnson made the leap from wrestler to actor, even more so with the bold career choices which followed such as his lead role in “Southland Tales”, making it all the more of a shame that most people seem to be more interested in his later films when he changed his name and became a full time actor than these early films which only makes it more of a shame especially when they are missing out on the generally fun times this film provides, while it’s Indiana Jones style elements make me wish that it had gotten a sequel, but for now we have to contend with just this one adventure while being left to dream as to what could have been.

Micmacs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title: Micmacs

Director: Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Released: 2009
Staring: Dany Boon, André Dussollier, Omar Sy, Dominique Pinon, Julie Ferrier, Nicolas Marié, Marie-Julie Baup, Michel Crémadès, Yolande Moreau, Jean-Pierre Marielle

Plot: Bazil (Boon) a movie obsessed video store clerk has had nearly everything he hold dear to him taken away by weapons of war, his father having been killed by a landmine in Morocco when he was a boy and now as an adult he now finds himself with a stray bullet lodged in his skull and on the verge of instantaneous death. Things only get worse when he finds himself suddenly replaced at his job aswell as made homeless forcing him to walk the streets of Paris, where he is taken in by scavenger Slammer (Marielle) and his bands of fellow scavengers / misfits. Happy with his new life as a scavenger Bazil soon stumbles across a chance for revenge on the arms companies which not only made the mine which killed his father but also who made the bullet lodged in his skull and soon forms his plan for revenge with the help of his new friends.
 

 

Review:  For some reason it has taken me until now to watch this film which is something of a conundrum for myself considering how much of a fan of director Jeunet’s previous films, which like this film play out like surreal fairy tales with an adult twist, a style he has continued to establish with each film he has made, only twice breaking away from this style of direction for “Alien Resurrection” and “A Very Long Engagement” which didn’t exactly resonate for myself and was essentially key in my cautiousness in approaching this film, cautiousness which I can now say was unneeded as Jeunet here returns with a vengeance to his more recognised film making style. Perhaps because of his break from his more associated style, it might explain the frenzied energy of this film as he comes out swinging here, throwing all manner of strange characters and hijinks onto the screen, making the original French title “MicMacs à tire-larigot” which translates to “Non-stop shenanigans” only all the more fitting.  

Essentially a revenge movie via the way of “Mission Impossible”, somthing which in the hands of Jeunet takes on a very different style than what most directors would produce given this same brief, as the traditional gruff badass unleashing vengeance those who wronged him is nowhere in sight, which is almost a shame considering that Jamel Debbouze has originally been considered for the role of Bazil, only to leave after three week due to artistic and financial disagreements with Junet. Like  Ethen Hunt in “Mission Impossible” Bazil has his own team whose members all process a special skill, it would be hard to say that any of his groups skills are anything you would expect from this kind of team, as Bazil is joined in his quest for revenge by contortionist Elastic Girl (Ferrier), human cannonball Buster (Pinon), Sculptor Tiny Pete (Crémadès), Calculator (Baup) who can measure and calculate things with a glance and former convict and guillotine survivor Slammer, while the group are generally kept together by former ethnographer and cook Mama Chow (Moreau). Reading through this skill list they might not seem like the most qualified group for taking down a couple of arms dealers, but that only adds to the fun and beauty of this film as Jeunet’s seemingly unlimited creativity is unleashed as he continually manages to find new and more inventive ways to utilize these skills and often with chaotic results.

Shot in Jeunet’s usual distorted reality, he has once again created a world which while seemingly set in reality, still allows for random daydream sequences as shown by an orchestra randomly appearing behind Bazil, only to suddenly disappear as he snaps himself back to reality, while this setting enables Jeunet to use an incredible pallet of colors while ensuring that every scene is crammed with as much detail as possible which will no doubt have some of you reaching for pause button just to take in some of the smaller details, including the bizarre appearances of posters from the film appearing throughout. Still even this supposed version of reality is none the less strange with Bazil and the misfits who make up his team, making a home for themselves in a cave carved into a trash heap, living a life none to dissimilar to that of “The Wombles” as they make use of scrap that other folks leave behind with Tiny Pete especially making use of this scrap in his inventive sculptures which range from humanoid figurines such as his weight lifter to the more simple yet none the less visually arresting dancing dress.

Once more the humor here is decidedly reminisant of the comedies of the silent era, with the majority coming from gleefully over exaggerated performances, especially on the part of Boon who makes the most of his clownish physique and even more so with the continually inventive ways the group complete their goals, while there is something surprisingly satisfying about seeing the underdogs pulling the carpet from underneath the feet of the all-powerful big dogs. Meanwhile subject of the arms race and the devastation it causes is certainly a hot topic and once certainly broached in more serious films, the tone is kept light aswell as broad enough that you no doubt keep any serious contemplation of the larger issues till after the film.

For the established fans of Jeunet’s films they will no doubt appreciate this return to more familiar territory, while newcommers will find it more of a gentle introduction to his surreal worlds than the darker “Delicatessen” or “The City of Lost Children”, with it’s memorable characters and warm humor, it is hard not to be charmed once more his work

The God of Cookery

Title: The God of Cookery

Director: Stephen Chow

Released: 1996

Staring: Stephen Chow, Karen Mok, Vincent Kok, Ng Man-tat, Stephen Au, Nancy Sit, Lam Suet, Tats Lau, Law Kar-ying, Vincent Kuk

Plot: Stephen Chow (Chow) is the current reigning “God of Cookery” however when he is double crossed by his former staff and rival chef Bull Tong (kuk) and publically humiliated, he finds himself stripped of his title and stripped of his title. Now he must team up with two rival street chef’s Sister Turkey (Mok) and Goosehead (Siu-Kei) to battle his way back to the top and reclaim his title.

Review: Despite bursting into the public conscious with the double header of “Shoalin Soccer” and “Kung Fu Hustle”, Stephen Chow would seem to have drifted back under the radar of most movie goers, so considering that the amazing “Yam Magazine” are holding their YamYum Food Blogathon at the moment, what better time to look at one of his more obscure movies, it’s current status as one of his lesser known films, only makes it more of a shame that this film never received the same distribution that his previously mentioned films did.

Baring all of his usual comical trademarks, “The God of Cookery” is surreal to say the least with Chow combining slapstick, irrelevant musical numbers and his over-the-top “Silly Talk” style of comedy to tell the tale of competitive cookery, which would put even Iron Chef to shame, as ingredients are thrown and prepared in the air, while also boasting a dish called “Pissing Pork Balls” which I’m still not sure is the real name for this dish or just a questionable translation.

Opening with Chow as the reigning God of Cookery, he is shown as a pompous and egotistic, as he reigns down scorn on the dishes belonging to chefs who’d dare to oppose him, while using his title to charge overblown prices for simple street dishes so it’s of little surprise when he gets stripped off his title and is forced to start from scratch as he battles to regain his title, with Chow once more showing his love of ensemble comedy, as he brings together yet another group of misfits to aid him in his battle, including the two rival street vendors Sister Turkey and Goosehead, who agree to put their differences aside in order to help Chow develop his new dish, while equally processing their own random cooking techniques. The idea of the big shot who falls from grace and eventually achieves redemption has frequently been a key theme within Chow’s films and here it used more effectively than ever and while realism is nothing but an afterthought the tone is kept with Chows usual upbeat sense of fun that you won’t care will also no doubt excepting some of the more outlandish moments that appear throughout.

While this film could have just been played out with Chow loosing his title and battling his way to the top and that would have no doubt been more than enough. Still seemingly not content with playing things too straight, Chow instead takes a diversion into Shaolin territory as he trains or more precisely constantly gets beaten up by the Eighteen Brass Monks, as they remake him into a true deity of delectable dishes, while also giving way to a truly insane showdown between Chow and Bull Tong, which not only see’s outlandish cooking movies, but one character being turned into a Dog, ancient gods descending from the heavens and even a little kung fu (or should that be cook fu) thrown in to flavour.

While it might be perhaps a little too full on insane for some tastes, those already established with Chows unique style of humour will no doubt eagerly lap this up, while for newcomers it might just seem all abit too random, especially when it comes to the second half of the film which basically see’s any logic being tossed out of the film completely, but were Chow succeeds is in making it so that the audience never feels the need to question even the most outlandish of moments. True some things might be lost in translation, but here he hits a lot more than he misses and compared to some of the dreck being churned out by the Hollywood studio system, this film is a refreshing and highly original change of pace, while only further reinforcing my love for Hong Kong cinema.