Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend

Title:Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend

Director:Hideki Takayama

Released:1989

Review: Reknown as one of the landmark titles of adult animation, this notorious anime adapted from Toshio Maeda’s manga has continued to shock each new generation of anime fan who no doubt were directed to it by the previous generation. Of course when it was released in 1989 it served in many ways to taint the impression the general public had about anime while the hysteria lead by newspapers such as The Daily Mail began leading a public outcry to “Ban this sick filth”.

Of course looking at the film its easy to understand why audience were so shocked when this title was released especially when there was nothing else really like anime with the genre’s seemingly carefree attitude its gratuitous sex and violence with the closest we had come to such material in the west being the sporadic adult animated title such as Heavy Metal or the films of Ralph Bakshi. Infact so uneducated were audiences at the time especially with there being no internet to refer to, anime was often refered to as Japanimation or Manga which was certainly the case in the UK thanks to majority of titles being put out by Manga entertainment.

Because of Urotsukidoji’s notorious legacy for myself it was always a title I avoided much like many of the demon based titles, largely due to the feeling of watching something you really shouldn’t especially with popular titles of the era such as Violence Jack, Wicked City and Genocyber which seemed to relish the levels of sex and violence with thie popularity of these titles in many ways influenced the titles being available when I started getting into Anime in the late 90’s were the focus was often on more adventure, sci-fi and horror based titles than the staggering range that anime fans now have available to them. At the same time with most anime being only accessible via VHS releases / tape trading it limited further what you could watch with the cost of these tapes often making you more cautious about not wanting to be lumped with a tape you couldn’t pass on. Still with the aim of trying to cross off the list those anime titles for one reason or another I’d missed I finally decided to bite the bullet and watch it.

Originally released as a series of three OVA’s (Original Video Animation) which were edited down into this theatrical version for western audiences at the same time cutting around 40 mins of gratuitous sex and violence, something that many fans / anime sweaties are often quick to gripe about despite there still being plenty of nudity, gratuitous violence and demons befiling humans left in the film and taking a look at the cuts list its nothing that I personally can’t live without but of course if your the sort of anime fan who wants to see such things and have the extra bucks to pay trader prices you can hunt down the uncut version released in the Perfect collection via Anime 18.

The film meanwhile see’s the Earth realm as one of three interconnected dimensions alongside the demon dimension of the Makai and the more ethereal realm of the beast people known as the Jujinkai which our antihero Amano and his sister Megumi belong to. The pair have spent the last 300 years looking for the Chojin (or Overfiend) who according to legend rises every 3000 years to bring the three realms together in harmony. However despite the seemingly straightforward plot this is a film heavy in random sub-plots and schemes being carried out by various members of the demon realm whose encounters with humans usually end in splatter heavy violence and more worryingly rape, something the film certainly takes a shockingly lax approach to compared to the west.

Amano and Megumi’s mission soon leads them to encounter the shy clutz and occasional peeping Tom, Negumo who has fallen for the popular cheerleader Akemi and following a series of situations which unquestionably make for awkward viewing the pair end up forming an unlikely couple which is of course only complicated further when Negumo is revealed to be the Chojin that Amano and Meguimi have been hunting for. A reveal which in one of the more memorable moments sees him taking on his gigantic demon form in a transformation sequence which sees a trio of penis tentacles tearing through a hospital. The plot at times can feel confusing and distracted which many fans blame on the cuts while for myself it was mainly because of its desire to constantly work in those graphic moments which see the film diverting off course to add another thrill but when it works its still an interesting plot with some fun twists along the way, especially as the prophecy might play out the way that Amano expects.

Much like it’s creator the film’s influence on erotic anime and especially the Hentai genre can be seen throughout the film as its hard to ignore the scenes of graphic sex and roaming tentacles which when combined with the explict violence makes it far from the most accessible anime even though there are titles which followed in its wake which certainly pushed the boundaries of taste further including Toshio Maeda’s own L.A. Blue Girl. Needless to say that despite its importance within the history of anime, this is not going to suit all tastes however if you can stomach the more explict aspects to the film it is still an enjoyable…if that’s the right way to phrase such an experience that this film certainly is.

Island of Death

Title: Island of Death
Director: Nico Mastorakis
Released: 1977
Staring: Robert Behling, Jane Lyle, Jessica Dublin, Gerald Gonalons, Jannice McConnell, Nikos Tsachiridis

Plot: Christopher (Behling) and Celia (Lyle) are enjoying a break on a small Greek island, while pursuing their favourite pastimes, which unfortunately for the locals are sex and violence, meanwhile Inspector Foster (Gonalons) is hot on their heels.

Review: Probably the least well known of the video nasty list, yet arguably the most notorious seeing how it only got taken off the list here in the UK last year, still good things come to those who wait which this film might be anything but, but still I think it’s easy to say that this is possibly one of the most explicit movies to have made the list, especially as it is essentially a constant stream of soft core porn, nudity and violence, with only the most paper thin of plots to string the scenes together, which is hardly surprising when Director Mastorakis seemingly had two goals when he set out to make the movie and that was to first make himself as much money as possible, while the second was to make the most violent and perverse film possible after after being inspired by “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, well more specifically he was inspired when he found out just how much money Tobe Hooper was making from it.

Opening with Christopher buried up to his waist in what will later be revealed to be a pit of lime while Celia watches and laughs mockingly we get our first taste of Christopher’s travel documentary esq voice over which continues to appear randomly through the film as the film now cuts back to a few days earlier as Christopher and Celia arrive on the unnamed small Greek island looking like any normal happy couple. Needless to say we are just about fifteen minutes before they are having sex in a phone box while he phones their mother…..yes that’s right they are also brother and sister (though confusingly at times she is also referred to as being his cousin) and really don’t seem to care much about the incestuous nature of their relationship. So after that surprising opening, you would think that Mastorakis might have blown his load early, until Christopher having had his attempts at getting some morning fun rejected instead relives his frustration with a passing goat before graphically killing it in what is unsurprisingly the most talked about moment in the film.

This murderous duo are almost polar opposites to each other when it comes to thier motives, with Christopher murderous tendencies being drawn from his own twisted religious beliefs, making him prone to ranting about his role as the angel of purification and how his victims have sinned as he kills, while these zealot esq beliefs of course makes the residents of the island prime targets for his campaign to purify them of their sins, especially when everyone is prone to spontaneous nudity and so sexually open. Celia meanwhile plays things like his trusted accomplice though seemingly minus Christopher’s religious rants, as she sets up the majority of the murders, as Christopher voyeuristically enjoys watching her having sex and frantically photographing her in action, which seemingly seems to be the only cure for his own impotence, especially when each of the murders are usually followed by frantic sex between him and Celia and more frantic photography of their handiwork.

There is barely a moment wasted here which is not being filled with death, gore or sex or some amalgamation of the three, with the sound of a camera shutter between each scene, creating almost an unintentional feeling that each scene is like a little violent and nasty short, a feeling only further reinforced by the beyond minimal plotting on offer here, which is pretty much abandoned by the final quarter as we lead up to the moments were we first joined the murderous duo, though don’t expect anything to be any clearer by the time we get to were we first started the film, as Mastorakis instead leaps even further into the randomness void of pure cinematic insanity which has Celia making the nasty (literally in this case) with a inbred looking famer, after he beats up and farts (yes you read that right) on Christopher which is around the same point that you realise that Mastorakis really doesn’t care anymore, let alone has any idea how to end the movie.

The death scenes are all explicit and filmed with an almost voyeuristic glee, as Mastorakis unleashes a variety of interesting deaths from the traditional stalk and slash, to the slightly more creative such as a bulldozer blade and memorably using an aeroplane wing to hang one of their victims during flight. Still none of these are shot with any sense of fun are largely just gratuitous violence and gore, which frequently makes for uncomfortable viewing.

“Island of Death” is another key example of a film which made the Video nasty list and which no doubt otherwise would have long since been forgotten like so many of the titles on the list and furthering the belief that the list did more harm than anything regarding protecting the movie going public from these kinds of movies, instead providing exploitation fans and gore hounds with a shopping list of titles to hunt down. Needless to say you can go through life having not seen this film and be all the better, especially as you won’t have wasted an hour and half of your life on this film, which left me with the same feeling I had after watching “The Human Centipede” an equally ghastly experience, which equally was all shocks over substance and like this film also soon realised that it has nowhere to go and no matter how low you sink the moral standard it still doesn’t make up for the serious lack of plotting and as such, I would recommend this only for video nasty completists and celluloid curiosity seekers only.

Wild Things

Title:  Wild Things

Director:  John McNaughton
Released:  1998
Starring: Kevin Bacon, Matt Dillon, Neve Campbell, Theresa Russell, Denise Richards, Daphne Rubin-Vega, Bill Murray, Robert Wagner

Plot: When high school guidance councillor Sam Lambardo (Dillion) is accused of rape by two students, the privileged and popular Kelly (Richards) and poor outcast Suzie (Campbell), detective Ray Duquette (Bacon) decided to investigate further believing that there is more at play than it seem.

 

Review:  Recently on the “LAMBcast” there has been a theory bounced around you’re your enjoyment of certain films can be determined by when you saw them. A theory which came about due to the show host Jay (LifeVs. Film) not liking “The Goonies” (shocking right) a film he’d only recently seen, compared to those members of the group in attendance who watched it as kids and seemingly as a result of those memories fiercely defended the film. Now here with this film I feel I may have found another example of this, for here we have a film I watched for the first time recently and its one I couldn’t help wondering if I would have liked it more had I come to it when I was younger, like so many of the fans of this film.

An unashamedly sleazy film disguised by its mainstream cast, it might be of little surprised to know that the film is directed by John McNaughton who memorably gave us the equally shocking and controversial “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer”. Here though he aims for something a little more mainstream with this erotic thriller which is probably best known for its sex scenes which again might have explained why I would have liked it more had I come to it as a younger viewer. At the same time this film also has those fans who love the numerous twists within the film and for that reason I will warn now that spoilers lie ahead.

When we first meet Sam he comes across as a working class teacher trying to elevate his status by working at this school especially when it gives him access to a taste of a more privileged life through his students like Kelly. At the same time Kelly is shown as the predatory teenage seductress who is determined to seduce Sam, as seen through her aggressive attempts at seduction, all which are countered by Sam, who blocks her through various distraction tactics with McNaughton teasingly cutting to another scene after he teases something happening between them as they stands in front of him soaking wet from washing his car, the sexual tension between them painful obvious and by cutting like this it leaves us cleverly thinking we’ve something happen which we haven’t perfectly playing into the rape accusations that Sam finds himself facing following this scene.

While the film could have worked perfectly well with Sam having to defend himself against the charges and have the film slowly reveal what actually happened which doesn’t happen here as instead we get a brief court case with Sam being defended by Bill Murray’s budget ambulance chasing lawyer in probably one of his more surprising appearances before we find out that the whole accusation was in fact a plot for Sam, Kelly and Suzie to embezzle Kelly’s mother.  From here the film switches its focus to the trio attempting to cover their tracks and make off with the 8.5 million that Sam is awarded as a result of the false allegations.

This first twist (of so many which are to follow) is a great surprise and one which is revealed as part of a graphic threesome that the trio have and one which Denise Richards declined to use a body double for so good news for her fans, while Neve Campbell’s no nudity clause in her contract means that her fans expecting the same are going to be disappointed even if she does have a swimming pool make out session with Richards which comes seemingly out of nowhere, while feeling that it had been included just to add to the already high sleaze factor here.  Of course I would question these scenes more if the film wasn’t already revealing in its sleaziness making it all the more surprising that McNaughton was able to assemble the cast that he did for this film. An equally interesting point is that Kevin Bacon’s contract all came with a no nudity clause, yet Bacon fans here get to enjoy full frontal Bacon nudity which is not only surprising seeing how frequently we’ve seen him various states of undress since he showed his ass in “Friday the 13^th” and as the film’s producer essentially he could have sued himself for breach of contract. Perhaps because of “Boogie Nights” receiving such acclaim and the career boost it gave its stars that the cast here where hoping that they could achieve the same with film….it failed.

While it’s easy to let the film slide on its sleaze factor especially when the investigation being carried out by the detectives feels mainly like filler, especially when they never seem to achieve anything other than being constantly behind the trio as things between them start to slowly fall apart. The real issue for the film comes in the final quarter when it appears that the film has played its final hand only to decent into a series of ever more implausible twists so that it feels like McNaughton is constantly shout “But Wait!” to the audience as he twists the plot once again with each twist getting more random than the last it seems.  For some reason though McNaughton’s back up plan to cover for all of this is a series of scenes which appear throughout the credits showing how the plot actually played out, which I know a lot of fans have stated as being one of the things they love about this film, but for myself it just felt like a way to try and tape the whole mess together into something a little more coherent. Interestingly though this isn’t the case with the script actually being written to include this credit scene even though it feels like an afterthought.

A disappointing film which while certainly high on sleaze is low on substance and would perhaps be more forgettable if it was for the explicit sex scenes and nudity which as titles roll will probably the only thing you’ll take away from this film, other than the staggering amount of twists that McNaughton attempts to pull off here and whose success really falls to your opinion of how many twists is a twist too far.

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For

Title: Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For

Director: Robert Rodriguez, Frank Miller

Released: 2014

Starring: Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba, Josh Brolin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Rosario Dawson, Bruce Willis, Eva Green, Powers Boothe, Dennis Haysbert, Ray Liotta, Jaime King, Christopher Lloyd, Jamie Chung, Jeremy Piven, Christopher Meloni, Juno Temple

Plot: Another collection of tales from Frank Miller’s “Sin City” as Cocky gambler Johnny (Gordon Levitt) finds himself on the wrong side of Senator Roarke (Boothe) after beating him a backroom poker game. Years before “The Big Fat Kill” Dwight (Brolin) gets caught up with his former lover Ava (Green) only to get caught up in a dangerous double cross.  Elsewhere four years after the events of “That Yellow Bastard” exotic dancer Nancy (Alba) is still plotting her revenge against senator Roarke who she blames for Hartigan’s suicide.  All in all it is going to be busy few nights for muscle for hire Marv (Rourke)

Review: It’s hard to believe that it has been nine years since our last visit to Frank Miller’s legendry neo-noir city of violence and corruption, but after various delays and re-casting Rodriguez and Miller have teamed up once more for this second collection of stories from Miller’s cult series as this time the film builds around the story “A Dame To Kill For” which forms the main meat of the film while book ended by two new stories “The Long Bad Night” and “Nancy’s Last Dance” which Miller penned specifically for the film.

Right from the opening short “Just Another Saturday Night” which sees Marv waking up next to a crashed police car and trying to figure out how he came to be surrounded by a group of dead frat boys, its almost as if we’ve never been away as Rodriguez once again sticks to the black and white shooting style of the first film, while once again clearly using the source comics as the storyboards. A style which Miller tried to replicate for his misguided let alone plain random adaption of “The Spirit” but thankfully Rodriguez it would seem is the voice of reason in this team as this film thankfully is free of any such randomness, while largely giving us more of the intoxicating mix of gratuitous violence and black humour, even if the later is noticeably more absent than in the previous film as the duo seem to be aiming for a solid noir style tale. Frustratingly though when humour is introduced it is often clumsily handled and more of a distraction than the light relief it provided the first time around.

Still despite this slight change in direction, the familiar faces waiting to welcome you back to Basin city means that it’s often none too noticeable until you stop to examine the film closer. Thankfully in the time which has passed nothing seems to have changed for any of these characters, with perhaps the exception of Dwight who we get to finally see what he looked like prior to his surgery. For most of the cast though it’s still business as usual as they go about their various dirty deals or trying to find a way to escape their various issues. At the same time we also get a whole heap of new characters to add to the local colour even if these new characters are largely to fill minor or supporting roles.

Sadly while it is a great cast which has been assembled here, the performances throughout vary greatly with Bruce Willis phoning in yet another performance for what is essentially a glorified cameo. Rourke especially suffering as a result of his role being increased so that he now appears in every story with the exception of “The Long Bad Night” almost as if no one can pull of a plan in this city without his assistance, something which really damages the mystique of his character as previously he was seen as a lone wolf, while here he is largely to add to the violence quota or to provide clumsy comic relief. Elsewhere and most disappointingly Joseph Gordon-Levitt appears to be giving us a poor man Bogart impression as he snarls though his lines, with none of the cool he brought to his previous Neo-noir effort “Brick”. The fact his character lacks of any real purpose other than trying to embarrass senator Roarke only adds to the creeping sensation that like “Nancy’s Last Dance” that this story was only added as filler when it became obvious that they couldn’t stretch “A Dame To Kill For” to feature length, while the fact its split into two parts lacks the natural breaking point that we had with “That Yellow Bastard” in the original and comes off looking like they remembered part way though the film that they hadn’t finished Johnny’s story and return to hastily wrap it up the same way all the stories end this time with someone getting a bullet to the head.

Due to the long delays between this film and the original it has meant certain roles being recast with Jamie Chung taking over from Devon Aoki due to being pregnant at the time of film resulting in deadly little Miho going from a stone cold killer to just another pretty girl from old town whose handy with a sword. Dennis Haysbert makes for a great replacement for Michael Clarke Duncan even if he doesn’t have quite the vocal presence of his predecessor. Josh Brolin is equally on good form, even if his portrayal of Dwight is perhaps alittle more gritty than Clive Owen’s who was supposed to share the role with Brolin only to ultimately not be available for filming which now leaves us with the scenes were Dwight has supposed to have changed his appearance through plastic surgery, which I suppose would have seen the role switch to Owen and now leaving us watching Brolin looking like he’s had a bad facelift while bad guys act like he’s a completely different character!?!

The real star of the show here though is Eva Green, who is utterly captivating as the titular Dame and despite spending a vast amount of time in the nude, it never feels that it is being done for titillation, as here it gives her an almost siren esq quality, especially when she uses her womanly charms to further her own causes, usually with fatal consequences for the men who succumb to her. While Angelina Jolie was the original choice for this role, this is truly Green’s role and its hard to imagine any other actress being so willing with some of the more risqué elements of this role, much less the amount of nudity required.
 

Unquestionably though “A Dame To Kill For” is the strongest of the stories featured and in a way makes sense considering that it was written when Miller was writing in his prime, which as anyone who has read any of his more recent efforts will tell you those days currently seem like a long lost memory. Judging by Miller’s directorial debut with “The Spirit” it would also seem that Rodriguez is the voice of sanity in the duo as this features none of the sheer randomness that plagued that film, while lifting the visual style of “Sin City” which here doesn’t seem to be as edgy as it was back in 2005, yet at the same time it is a style which suits the film still even if perhaps the moments of colour we get throughout the film don’t seem to have any of the poignancy of the original, which only used colour for the character of Goldie and occasional splashes of crimson. Here though what qualified for the colour treatment seems more sporadic and frequently without reason, though thankfully Eva Green’s eyes are amongst the things which do.

While this might not come close to the original, it still has its moments as well as fun smaller appearances by both Christopher Lloyd and Lady Gaga as a drunk doctor and waitress respectively. Perhaps because of the strength of its middle section though I still would love to see another film in the series, if perhaps based solely on original material than letting Miller try and write anything new again as here when it does it only detracts further from the film. Like any night we see in the film this is one to be certainly approached with caution.

The Lost Empire

Title: The Lost Empire

Director: Jim Wynorski

Released: 1983

Starring: Melanie Vincz, Raven De La Croix, Angela Aames, Angus Scrimm, Paul Coufos, Robert Tessier, Angelique Pettyjohn

Plot: When Police officer Angel’s (Vincz) brother is killed trying to stop a trio of ninja’s robbing a jewellery story, her investigation soon leads her to the mysterious Dr. Sin Do who is holding a martial arts tournament on his secret island fortress. Now joined by the native American White Star (De La Croix) and Prison brawer Heather (Aames) they head to the tournament with the aim of avenging Angel’s brother.

Review: Please allow me to start by saying that his film really is a true shameless guilty pleasure, was well as that this is actually my first experience with the work of director Wynorski who like Albert Pyun unquestionably has his fans and who over the course of the last 25 years has churned out over 150 films to date including possibly his most well-known film “Chopping Mall”. Despite this legacy this film has until now always remained one of his most elusive even to the director himself, who began working with producer Bill Dever in 2007 to track it down and re-acquire the rights, which has now lead to it finally getting its release on DVD.

Almost certain that this film could be both his first and last, Wynorski crammed into this film everything he loved, which it would seem included feisty attractive ladies, ninja’s, martial arts and questionable gorilla suits to all but skim the surface of the sheer random fun this film is. It would only be fate that despite being originally made as a tax loss for Plitt Theatres owner Henry Plitt (something Wynorski reportedly didn’t know at the time) the film would be so liked by Plitt that he gave the film a theatrical release.

Essentially a sexed up version of “Enter the Dragon” the seemingly also fancies itself as a female James Bond spoof seeing how it opens with the familiar Bond peephole which this time draws focus on a pair of large breasts. It should be noted that this is essentially a hint of what is to come as like the films of David Sedaris and Russ Meyer, Wynorski is unashamedly also a fan of cramming as many beautiful women as he can into his films and generally finding provocative situation in which to film them something which continues with his work to date. 

Still despite this it would be wrong to dismiss this film as gratuitous T&A as there is atleast some attempt made at plotting, even if most of it is completely over the top, with the last half hour of this film being especially insane to the point were I was left questioning if they shot those scenes first or if Wynorski had just thrown caution completely to the wind knowing how random the rest of the film was already.

When it comes to the trio they are more a caricatures than with any form of realism as only highlighted by each of their introductions, hence Angel busting up a hostage situation at a school by riding a motorcycle down the hallway and punching out a random bad guy, while Heather is introduced by a prison yard brawl against a bull whip welding butch looking female dominatrix called whiplash, which essentially an excuse to include mud wrestling in the film. The weakest of the three though is White Star who just shows up on horse and spouts a bunch of Tonto-esq lines which I guess is kind of fitting seeing how Wynorski uses her character like a sexy version of Tonto.

It should also be worth noting that while the setup might be as a martial arts movie, there is actually very little martial arts action to be found here outside of the occasional kick or karate chop. This is especially amusing when it comes to the tournament were the competitors are told to expect a series of gratuitous challenges which will test their skills, only for the next scene to show the girls running around the grounds and through cones alongside shots of the girls being star jumps and pretty much anything else involving jumping to make the most of their general lack of clothing.  As such the whole competition plotline is quickly put on the backburner pretty much as soon as it starts, with only one fight actually taking place and that’s between Angel and one of Sin Do’s generic henchmen.

To balance things out from all the slap and tickle antics of the girls we do get a half-baked romance angle between Angel and Rick (Coufos) who with his classy porn star moustache is generally used for comedic value as he spends most of the film hamming things up which always seems to be the tradition for the romantic interest in these kind of girl gang movies. On the flip side he does also help balance out the amount of scantily clad ladies featured and pleases those of you who want to see shirtless Coufos.

While I might not be aware of Wynorski’s work before watching this film, I’m now keen to see what else is hiding in his back catalogue of work as this film really was a blast from the start. Ultimately though this film is  mindless fun and the sort of guilty pleasure to sit alongside the likes of “Faster Pussycat Kill Kill” and “Return to Savage Beach” and with the self-acknowledging cheese factor that most modern b-movies seem to aim for as seen especially with the recent direct to sci-fi channel releases from the likes of “The Asylum” and after all what other film can boast a phallus shaped laser cannon?

Dear God No

Title: Dear God No

Director: James Bickert
Released: 2011

Starring: Jett Bryant, Madeline Brumby, Paul McComiskey, Olivia La Croix, Shane Morton, Johnny Collins, Nick Morgan, James Bickert, Rachelle Lynn, Heath Street, Billy Ratliff, Tim McGahren, Jim Sligh, Johnny McGowan

Plot: The impalers a psychotic group of bikers, lead by the bloodthirsty Jett (Bryant) on the run from their latest run in with rival bikers Satan’s Own stumble across the mountain cabin of Dr. Marco (McComisky).

Review: Ever since Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez unintentionally launched the Neo-Grindhouse genre with their double feature homage “Grindhouse” (it could be argued that any of their films were equally responsible for spawning this sub-genre) there has been a slew of titles which followed in its wake, all attempting to capture the grindhouse spirit with arguably varied levels from the raw grime of “The Devils Rejects” to the sheer randomness of “Hobo With A Shotgun”. However there are those films which miss the mark completely which is a category which its safe to say this film belongs in.

A truly grating viewing experience to say the least, I don’t think since watching “Deaden” or “The Zombie Diaries” have I found a film as frustrating a this film turned out to be which is really saying something when this feeling hits you a mere five minutes into the film, when you are treated to the members of the impalers riding their bikes alongside the camera and giving the audience the finger, which it seems director Bickert is frequently doing throughout this film as it becomes a black hole of depravity and sheer randomness….and not in a good way before those of you who look for those sorts of things start getting too excited.

One the main issues here though outside of the paper thin plotting is the bombardment of plot devices which Bickert throws into the mix, as not content to make just a biker or home invasion movie, Bickert instead tosses in plot devices left right and centre including a psycho nympho mother (and possible zombie) locked in the basement, Nazi experiments and even a killer sasquatch. The end result unsurprisingly is confused mess as each new element competes for time with the other, while Bickert seemingly assumes that stringing it all together with copious gore and nudity is all that is required to tie it all together, which it soon becomes painfully obvious is not the case.

The cast are forgettable with most seemingly coming from the “The Asylum” school of over acting, while only further hindered by how unlikable or interchangeable their characters are, which is especially the case with the members of the Impalers with whom their leader Jett is the only memorable one and that could be more to do with the striking resemblance to Zak Wilde than anything performance wise. Acting ability it would seem though is on the lower end of the Bickert’s concerns as like Eli Roth his concerns seem to be more with how willing the actresses were to get naked than any kind of acting ability. A theory which is only reinforced by the sheer amount of exposed skin on show here, which no doubt makes this film a favourite of teenage boys. Yes there is a lot of creativity when it comes to the nudity even if it seems to frequently be soley for the reason that Bickert can get away with it, be it via hostages, drug trips or even more bizarrely Nixon mask wearing strippers!?!

The flip side of Bickert’s attention here is clearly on ensuring that he included a healthy gore quota, as he rarely misses the opportunity to include some splatter, providing several of the more memorable moments, such as a shootout with the aforementioned masked strippers while his sasquatch gets the majority of the creative kills including a perhaps unintentionally funny decapitation. The effects unsurprisingly show ambition yet are held back by the budget, while the insistence on showing every gory detail only further plays against the film.

Bickert clearly aiming to recreate the grime and sleaze of the glory days of grindhouse cinema, ultimately misses the mark as while he might pack the film with enough nudity and violence to match the films he is drawing inspiration from, the half-baked plotting and general soulless feel of the film only overwhelm any potential the film has. Needless to say the plotting could equally be helped by Bickert not trying to work so many elements into the film, let alone so frequently shift the genre the film, a trick I have only previously seen work once before in the far superior “Pig Hunt” which memorably frequently shifted genres throughout its runtime, though unlike this film didn’t lose its audience in the process. A sleazy and generally mean spirited film, this is one best avoided, especially when the title no doubt will sum up your feelings about watching it again if you do.

The Sexy Killer AKA The Drug Connection

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title: The Sexy Killer / The Drug Connection

Director: Chung Sun
Released: 1976
Starring: Chen Ping, Yueh Hua, Szu Wei, Tien Ching, Chaing Yang, Chan Shen, Lin Feng, Li Peng-fei

Plot: When nurse Wan Fei’s (Ping) sister is hooked on heroin and abused by local drug dealers, she takes justice into her own hands as she sets out to take on the Hong Kong crime syndicates responsible.

Review: With such a provocative title it’s more than obvious what caught my attention about this little seen exploitation movie from the legendry Shaw Brothers Studios who unknown to most people including myself until lately, didn’t just make the Kung Fu movies they are probebly best known for, but also dabbled in a number of other genres such as this exploitation cheapie.

Essentially a Hong Kong remake of Pam Grier classic “Coffy”, while the plotting here is paper thin and more of an excuse to show what frequently felt like a stream of nudity, soft-core sex and of course being the Shaw Brothers a healthy dose of Kung Fu action. This of course is the standard fodder for Ping who like Grier specialised in playing tough feisty ladies, while at the same time not adverse to the occasional  shedding her clothes, as we not only see here, but in the handful of sexploitation movies she did over the course of her career. True she might not be as strong an actress as Grier which it is hard to not draw comparisons to especially with the plotlines being so similar, let alone both ladies affection for a shotgun.

 

Opening with a particularly sleazy scene of Wan Fei’s sister being drugged and subsequently used by a couple of sleazy gangsters, the film essentially establishes the tone within the opening minutes, while Wan Fei sets out on her quest for revenge with a strangely confident stance which sees her not only being able to weld a mean shotgun but also infiltrate gangs disguised as a prostitute with little trouble despite from all apperences having any kind of training of any kind to assist her other than pure guts and grit it would seem. Okay perhaps the plot in this respect should be taken with a pinch of salt, especially when the plotting is as paper thin as it is, while Ping has enough presence on the screen to pull of the role even if Grier does it better.

Director Chung seems to relish the sleazy atmosphere he creates here, especially when he frequently seems to be finding new ways to add to the films already high sleaze quota including a drug baron who likes introducing prostitutes to his home torture chamber and while Chung occasionally pushes these more risqué moments, there is ultimately nothing too shocking almost as if he was keen to not lose the film amongst the ranks of the numerous Pink movies being produced during this era. Still with such focus on the exploitation elements.

Despite the care free attitude towards nudity it is pretty surprising how largely restrained the violence is here and never exceeds what we have to come to expect from the Kung Fu output of the Shaw Brothers. Still despite being more restrained with the violence, the action scenes are not hampered as a result with Wan Fei proving herself rather handy with her shotgun, aswell as her dagger bracelet. Needless to say Wan Fei does kick a lot of ass while the ending while perhaps more subtle than you expect from this kind of movie is none the less satisfying which includes an exploding waterbed none the less, as she proves not for the first time that hell truly hath no fury like a scorned Wan Fei.

While its true that other similar films may have done this better such as “Sex and the Fury” or the “Sister Street Fighter” trilogy, but there is fun to be had here none the less, even if it is disposable at best. Ideally watch this as a warm up in a double bill as on its own will no doubt leave you wanting something alittle more satisfying.

Rare Exports

Title: Rare Exports
Director: Jalmari Helander
Released:
Staring: Onni Tommila

Plot:Set on Christmas Eve, were a group of reindeer farmers living near the Korvatunturi mountains find their herd mysteriously slaughtered. Blaming the lost of their herd of wolves they quickly to write the mysterious deaths off while now facing no source of income. Meanwhile a young boy named Pietari (Tommila) suspects that something that something else might be afoot, especially as an American drilling team working in the mountains have just discovered the mythical tomb of Santa Claus.


Review: This week marks a first for me, seeing how this is the first Finnish movie that I have reviewed ever, which is not too surprising as Finland isn’t exactly known for having a thriving film industry, yet it is from here this essential “Alternative Christmas” Selection hails from, as Director Jalmari Helander sets out to give us a very different take on the Santa Claus myth.

Starting life as a short film known as “Rare Exports Inc.” (2003) were director Jalmari Helander, shot a faux documentary following band of three hunters (marker, sniper and tracker) on the hunt for the wild Santa Claus. This he followed up in 2005 with the fake health and safety film “Rare Exports: The Official Safety Instructions” both of which were greeted highly positively and no doubt he could have been happy with this success alone, but it would seem that Helander wasn’t quite over his feral Santa obsessions, as with this film he finally expands his highly unique twist on the Santa legend into a full length feature. Here Helander’s vision of Santa is far from the jolly fat man who we all tend to think of when we here the name, but here is portrayed as a Nordic legend were Santa is a horned demon, who kidnaps naughty children and who was imprisoned in the mountains to stop his twisted ways. Still even working with such a unique twist on Santa Claus, Helander refuses to info dump the audience and instead plays things close to his chest thoughout, as he slowly adds layers to the myth, with the reindeer first turning up dead, followed soon after by all the village radiators and children apart from Pietari mysteriously vanishing over night, but the real mystery begins when a strange bearded and naked old man turns up in one of the wolf pits…could he be the same mythical Santa or is he something else?

While it might seem like yet another Christmas horror movie, the film is actually not as horror based as it would seem and largely plays like a warped fantasy film as Helander crafts out his own mythology for the Christmas legend, while his decision to play the events from a child’s prospective only help make the myth all the more believable, something seriously helped by Pietari who not being one of the usual Hollywood smart ass movie kids, but rather a more realistic character who not only has genuine fears about a killer Santa roaming the village, but also worries about his fragile bond with his father, who is largely emotionally cold to his son, spending most of his time as the unofficial head of the village and ensuring that they turn enough profit from their herds to enable them to survive, something which has clearly caused him to loose touch with his own son’s emotional needs, with this relationship in particular being one of the key plot lines as the film progresses, with Pietari clearly keen to show that he is more capable of looking after himself than his father would believe, while there is at the same time an undertone that the men in the village have to prove themselves to be men capable of contributing to the survival of the village, which Pietari has frequently failed to do with his shy and retiring nature, while all the other men are shown as tough and burly. Unsurprisingly for the location they live, these locals are often shown as being a really tough bunch of people, with even kids frequently shown carrying rifles, which is the lifestyle you’d expect looking at their remote living conditions, especially were their sole source of income come from their reindeer herds, which makes it easy to understand their plan to sell this strange old man to the American’s as a genuine Santa and Helander has done a great job of bringing to life a great cast of characters, who are genuinely interesting and believable to watch, while maintaining the same spirit of his original short films.

Santa and his naked elves (it makes sense when you watch it trust me) once again maintain strong ties to things largely associated with Christmas; hence we see them with a ravenous appetite for Gingerbread, as well as being able to smell children, while their lack of dialogue only adds a mysterious edge to them, as well as enforcing the fact that these are very primal creatures and as such perfectly suited to the barren landscape which they inhabit. Meanwhile the drilling crew are given out leaflets encouraging them to be good and think happy thoughts while working on the dig, by their mysterious American employer, while never fully being told what it is that they are looking for.

Once again despite being marketed as a horror film, there really isn’t much in the way of gore with most of the deaths outside of a surprise pick axe to the head happen off screen, with only brief scenes of a reindeer carcass being butchered being the closest the film gets to gore, though it is expected that to a Finnish audience these scenes wouldn’t be overly shocking, much like a Korean audience would view the squid eating scene in “Oldboy”. Still the film has nothing taken away from it, by keeping things gore free, while perhaps missing the chance to include the always effective shots of blood on fresh snow, which was kind of disappointing, much like Santa never getting a big final reveal.

On the whole “Rare Exports” is a very sweet natured yet twisted movie and best categorised as with the likes of “Pans Labyrinth” and “The City of Lost Children” as it took attempts to create a fantasy Christmas tale for adults, especially as the sight of rampaging naked old men, might be a little too much for most kinds, let alone adults to take, while Helander still manages to pull of a surprising twist at the end, which nicely ties into his earlier shorts. Still if you want something different to watch this Christmas aswell as an interesting take on the Santa myth, I would recommend giving this one a look.

The Doom Generation

This is part of the LBGT Blogathon hosted by YAM Magazine, while also a prelude to next week's Queer Film Blogathon hosted by Garbo Laughs.

Title: The Doom Generation

Director: Gregg Araki

Released: 1995

Staring: James Duval, Rose McGowan, Johnathon Schaech, Dustin Nguyen, Margaret Cho, Perry Farrell, Parker Posey, Christopher Knight, Lauren Tewes

Plot: Jordan White (Duval) and Amy Blue (McGowan) find themselves on a road trip of sex and violence after a chance meeting with fellow outsider Xavier Red.

Review: A classic example of Director Gregg Araki’s more infamous style of filming, while also the second film in his “Teenage Apocalypse Trilogy”, a trilogy created from the use of reoccurring themes and ideas rather than characters and plot lines. This film was also the first of Araki’s films I ever saw, when I caught a late night showing back when I was still an angry youth starting college, were its punk rock sensibilities appealed strongly, much less the fact it was filled with gratuitous sex, which was still quite a rarity for films back in the late 90’s rather than our current over sexed decade, were full frontal nudity and sex has nowhere near the surprise factor it had back then. With this in mind I was eager to see if it still if the film still had the same appeal now that it did back then, coming back to it with an older view point and perhaps less angry standpoint.

Opening at an underground metal club were the words “Welcome To Hell” are written in fiery silhouette pretty much highlight the current state of society, for if the third film of this trilogy “Nowhere” was the end of days, this film is certainly the lead up to the pending apocalypse as society is quickly descending into a lawless cesspit of depravity and commercialisation, with the youth seemingly have long since become despondent and jaded about the world around them. It’s a view point which Amy essentially embodies as she scowls her way through this misadventure, colorfully cursing anyone who’d stand up to her, while seemingly only caring about her boyfriend Jordan. Jordan on the other hand is almost like the polar opposite to Amy and making him an even more surprising boyfriend choice, especially with his permanent positive outlook which seemingly steams from his naivety to the world around him. Jordan’s naivety and general worldly outlook especially comes into question when the couple rescue Xavier from a gang of punk goon (played by the band Skinny Puppy) a charismatic drifter who tends to invoke spontaneous act of violence whenever he is in any area for too long.

Violence of course being is one of the key themes of this film alongside cultural symbolism and relentless eroticism, with the violence in particular here being especially memorable let alone the trigger point of the trio’s misadventure stemming from the accidental killing of a quick stop clerk. Still it is a subject with Araki chooses to shoot in a variety of different ways throughout the film from humorous (a bar patron accidentally receiving a samurai sword to the crotch) to gratuitously graphic as seen by the death of the clerk who not only has his head blasted clean off, but then follows up by having said head continuing to incoherently burble away.

Meanwhile his other main obsession sex is shown in an unsurprisingly graphic style and literately to the point were nearly every other scene seems to involve Amy having sex with either Jordan or Xavier or both, as the film climaxes (in more way than one) with a spontaneous threesome. This development with the group dynamic never really sat right with me and even now still doesn’t exactly make anymore sense, especially when Amy is shown openly hating Xavier only to suddenly feel an uncontrollable urge to sleep with him, as soon as the first chance appears. Equally frustrating is Jordan’s reaction to this situation which he just happily accepts as if it’s a perfectly normal situation, rather than raising any kind of complaint!?! What is most surprising here though is Araki’s fascination with making a film that features purely heterosexual sex, something he seems especially proud off seeing how he opens with the title card “A Hetrosexual Movie By Gregg Araki”, while his other films had often approached the subject of sex with an open mind to showing all persuasions on equal terms, making the point of highlighting such a point only further confusing.

With Araki so focused on his cramming in as much sex and violence as possible, it is unsurprising that the plot is as paper thin as it is, with the sketchily drawn trio travelling down a seemingly endless series of desert roads in a continuing cycle of sex and violence, with the only real plot point outside of this being the reoccurring cases of mistaken identity which Amy causes with various oddball characters claiming that she is their ex partner and often providing the trigger point for further spontaneous violence, while making comparisons to Oliver Stone’s “Natural Born Killers” almost inevitable and while he might describe it as a black comedy or as some DVD covers proclaim “A Road Murder Sex Comedy” it’s far from the most humorous of films, with the humour content being strongly dependent on how funny you find the acid tongued put downs by Amy, especially when her vocabulary is interesting to say the least.

Shot with an almost intentional focus on making the film look as trashy as possible; Araki has seemingly created a teen movie which intentionally sets out to rebel against the cookie cutter teen movies of the Hollywood mainstream, as counters the virginal teens of those movies with his despondent trio here, who are more than happy to blitz their way through life in a haze of pot and sex, with the art direction containing an excessive yet controlled quality to it, while even the more normal sets still containing subtle surreal elements such as the quick stop sign which proclaims “Shoplifters Will be Executed” or the record store thought bubbles.

One of the more shallow Araki movies, it’s punk esq style of storytelling and film making will no doubt still ring true with some, but I can’t say that it is still a film which I look upon with the same awe that I did back when I first saw it, even though it is still a bizarrely fascinating movie for all of its flaws.

Nowhere

This is part of the LBGT Blogathon hosted by YAM Magazine, while also a prelude to next week's Queer Film Blogathon hosted by Garbo Laughs.

Title: Nowhere

Director: Gregg Araki

Released: 1997

Staring: James Duval, Rachel True, Chiara Mastroianni, Debi Mazar, Kathleen Robertson, Christina Applegate, Nathan Bexton, Guillermo Díaz, Jeremy Jordan, Sarah Lassez, Jason Simmons, Ryan Phillippe, Heather Graham, Jordan Ladd, Thyme Lewis, Joshua Gibran Mayweather, Mena Suvari, Scott Cann, John Ritter, Gibby Haynes

Plot: Following a group of LA teens over the course of 24 hours. A day made up of a volatile cocktail of sex, drugs, suicide, bizarre deaths and alien abduction.

Review: There are certain films which throw down a gauntlet to its audience from their opening scenes, with prime examples of this being the fire extinguisher bludgeoning in “Irreversible” or Pumpkin and Honey Bunny in “Pulp Fiction” which almost seem challenge the audience to watch past this point, while often giving them a good idea of what is in store should they choose to stick around. “Nowhere” is another of these films as we open to Dark (Duval) jacking off in the shower to fantasies of his bisexual, polyamorous girlfriend Mel (True) aswell as his shy classmate Montgomery (Bexton)….ladies and gentlemen welcome once more to the world of Gregg Araki!

The final film in his “Teenage Apocalypse Trilogy” which started with the colorfully named “Totally Fucked Up” and followed by “The Doom Generation” now ends with this film which seemingly sets out to top everything which came before it. While it has frequently being described as “Beverly Hills 90210 On Acid”  for myself it feels closer to Bret Easton Ellis’s “Less Than Zero” given a David Lynch twist, a book whose own film version seemed almost like a different book altogether and minus any of the frequently nightmarish imagery that Ellis’s debut novel so proudly contained. Needless to say Araki has truly captured that anarchic spirit here to create an alternative vision of LA, were teens care for little outside of the pursuit of casual sex and drug taking and were the sole focus is seemingly on making to Jujyfruit’s (Haynes) party.

Split into eight interweaving stories, the film constantly switches between plotlines with the main of these plots revolving around Dark, a film student who constantly films everything happening around him and living under the belief that the world could end at any moment. Meanwhile his only other concern seems to be with getting laid, be it with his latest crush the shy and retiring Montgomery or his supposed girlfriend seems more concerned with sleeping with anything that moves, in particular Lucifer (Robertson) whose acid tongue is the cause of much anguish for Dark. The other plots meanwhile vary in their integral nature to the plot from the naïve Egg (Lassez) and her inadvertent meeting with “The Teen Idol” (Simmons) and Cowboy’s (Díaz) relationship issues with his drug addicted boyfriend Bart (Jordan). Meanwhile other plotlines such Nihilistic couple Shad (Phillippe) and Lilith (Graham) or Mel’s younger brother Zero (Mayweather) and his girlfriend Zoe’s (Suvari) attempts to find the secret location of Jujyfruit’s party are less integral and serve more as a distraction mainly from Dark and his various issues.

Once more Araki refrains from portraying these storylines in any form of normality, as he randomly switches between the plots seemingly on a whim, while inserting surreal offshoots like the random alien abductions and Bart’s twisted S&M session to ensure that the viewer is kept in a states of almost permanent confusion as to what they are watching and leading me for many years after my first viewing of this film, to describe it as a film which makes a lot more sense when your drunk! This art house style of filming is also carried over into the art direction with nearly every frame of this film appears to have been shot with the maximum amount of artistic freedom with sets often appearing like art installations as especially seen in the bedrooms of Bart and Egg, while saving the blow out for Jujyfruit’s party which in places almost seems like a tribute to Michael Alig’s “Club Kids”. Having seen the course of Araki’s career following this film, in many ways this film now feels like a last hurrah for his surreal roots before he moved onto more mainstream projects, before returning to this style of film making with “Kaboom”. Still the downside of this vision is that while it might look very pretty on the surface, it does seem ultimately hollow beneath especially when it can at times seem like a constant stream of casual sex and drug taking. Still with this film he has created a vision of LA seemingly on the brink of its final days as frenzied televangelists (Ritter) urge the masses to repent their sins, while random graffiti screams out slogans like “God Help Me” and "Repent Now" as these teens live only for the most primal pleasures, with consequences of their actions rarely being given more than a passing though.

While the drugs and sex might seem like all the film has to offer, like a softer version of Larry Clarke’s “Kids”, Araki has also brought a vein of pitch black humour to the film with moments such as Dingbat (Applegate), Egg and Alyssa (Ladd) binging on cake before discussing their purging habits with unsurprisingly drugs once again being the solution to all of life’s problems. At the same time there are moments which truly catch the viewer off guard such as shocking rape of one character, another is bludgeoned to death with a soup can, while the ending itself is almost like a bizarre tribute to Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis”. Needless to say while not every idea in the film works, Araki still throws enough at the screen to balance out the misfires with some truly memorable and frequently stunning imagery.

The soundtrack like the majority of the film is a relic of the decade it was released, with the likes of Suede, Hole and Elastica all appearing on the soundtrack, while we also get the old school Marilyn Manson track “Kiddie Grinder” making a welcome appearance, to what is a surprisingly rocky soundtrack, especially for a Araki who usually leans towards more Shoegaze, which still makes an appearance but as more of a background presence outside of the title sequence.

While perhaps a little too arty and irrelevant for some, especially when the plot and the characters, like the title suggests go “Nowhere” but at the same time it is bold and fascinating film making and the sort of film, that most Mumblecore films seems to be trying to imitate, if in perhaps a slightly less explicit style while this film remains a testament to the underrated era of film making originality which was the 90’s.

Piranha 3DD

Title: Piranha 3DD

Director: John Gulager

Released: 2012

Staring: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, David Koechner, Chris Zylka, Katrina Bowden, Gary Busey, Christopher Lloyd, David Hasselhoff, Ving Rhames

Plot: After the events of “Piranha 3D” Lake Victoria has become inhabitable in an attempt to eliminate the threat of the pre-historic piranhas. However they continue to thrive as they now move upstream, soon finding their way into a newly opened waterpark.

Review: Since I was a kid, I’ve always had this irrational fear when using the local swimming pool, that a hatch would open somewhere in the pool and unleash a giant killer shark or some equally horrific creature from whatever movie I'd been watching that week to attack the unwitting swimmers. No doubt this could be linked to “Jaws” scaring my fragile child psyche from a young age, especially seeing how beyond unlikely such a thing would be to ever happen. Then of course comes along this movie to dig up all those fears again!

Coming a mere two years after “Piranha 3D” one of the more surprisingly good remakes of recent years as Alexandre Aja proved himself the king of the horror remakes, having successfully also remade “The Hills Have Eyes” and “In The Mirror”, however here he continues his trend of not returning for the sequels, as the reigns of the franchise are now passed over to Gulager who previously had directed the cult “Feast” trilogy, whose writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan also being brought on board to write the script, before Joel Soisson a man who is no stranger to DTV movies having wrote the script for the DTV sequels to Hollow Man, Mimic, aswell as the “Pulse” movies and seeing how at one point this film was too heading for a DTV release something especially rumored for the UK, it’s no surprise that the studio looked to him to rewrite the script. Still seeing how much fun “Piranha 3D” was with it’s heavy mix of gore and nudity, as well as arguably being one of the few films to justify the use of 3D as a film making medium, I was looking forward to another swarm of killer Piranha, especially with the Water Park setting being something I hadn’t seen done before, with the original plot line teased at the end of the last film which hinted at giant piranha now having been scrapped, possibly thanks to "The Asylum" beating them to the punch with "Mega Piranha", though it doesn't stop it from being as much fun as the original.

Opening with a quick recap of the events of the last film, including snippets of the spring break massacre, we are soon thrown back into the craziness as we get to see the always wonderful and Oscar nominated Gary Busey as one of two farmers poking the body of a dead cow which somehow has ended up in a lake. It’s during their redneck examination that we see that the Piranha have very much survived, with their eggs attached to the nearby reeds. Still thanks to this bumbling twosome causing said cow to explode by lighting the gas leaking from the cow they manage to unleash a whole new swarm into the water supply, while perfectly setting the tone for the rest of the film, for while the previous film might have played it largely straight, this one cares little for such things and hence aims for sheer randomness instead, with this opening essentially setting the tone for what is to follow.

This time around the action is based around the water park “Big Wet” the brainchild of owner Chet (Koechner) and even boasts “Water Certified Strippers”.  Returning home for the summer his step daughter and co-owner of the park Maddy (Panabaker) is understandably horrified by this latest idea for saving the park from closure, while her personal life is non the less chaotic as she runs in with her policeman ex-boyfriend Kyle (Zylka), aswell as the geeky Barry (Bush) who has secretly had a crush on her since they went to school together. Needless to say the last things she really needs is the shoal of hungry Piranha heading towards the park, yet considering that the first time she realises of their existence is after randomly encountering them on the jetty she is light speed quick to leap into action, not that it essentially makes any difference as you can tell by the trailer, but it’s good to see smart female lead who doesn’t rely on her handsome love interest to help her save the day, as most of the time she seems to handle things pretty darn well on her own.

While none of the main characters from “Piranha 3D” have returned here, we still surprisingly get quite a few of the more popular supporting characters making a return with Christopher Lloyd once again on suitably barmy duties as the marine biologist Mr. Goodman, while essentially clearing up any questions regarding the piranha getting into the water system. Meanwhile despite seemingly  dying in the first film Ving Rhames returns for another round as Deputy Fallon only now with the added bonus shotgun legs, something which might have been questionable before, but by this point in the film you’ll be pretty much willing to except anything the film throws at you, plus Ving Rhames always seems to be the guy you’d want taking control of the situation when the shit goes down be it zombies (Dawn of the Dead) or killer piranha he always seems ready to kick ass at the drop of a hat. Also adding to the randomness quota we also have David Hasselhoff hamming things up by playing himself, a role which could easily have gone either way, but here it is played with the right amount of cheese to make it a fun cameo, even if he essentially playing his Hoff alter ego, which he seems to have strangely evolved into these days.

While the gore quota might not be as high as the carnage unleashed in “Piranha 3D” it is still high enough to make for a satisfying watch, especially with a great scene involving a decapitated head, much like the much talked about piranha which finds itself in a rather unique position to say the least. Still what has increased in the meantime is the humour quota with Koechner once again bringing his usual shitkicker styled humour, while the majority of the humour on offer is mainly sex based from Adrian Martinez’s “Big Dave” humping a pool suction valve to a piranha chomped penis once again making an appearance. No doubt the humour content will turn off some viewers but you have to at the same time question what you were really expecting from a movie called “Piranha 3DD”??

While not better than the previous film, it is a fun watch and manages to combine crass humour with high gore, while not outstaying its welcome thanks to its fast paced plotting. Still if you’re a fan of mutant fish, copious amounts of exposed breasts and a healthy dose of splatter you will no doubt lap this one up, while for those expecting alittle more meat and more importantly brains with their horror, your best giving this one a miss.

Bikini Bloodbath Christmas

Title: Bikini Bloodbath Christmas
Director: Jonathan Gorman & Thomas Edward Seymour
Released: 2009
Staring: Debbie Rochon, Rachael Robbins, Phil Hall, Dick Boland, Lloyd Kaufman, Sheri Lynn, Niki Rubin, Monique Dupree, Margaret Rose Champagne, Matt Ford, Sarah Dauber, Thomas Edward Seymour, Phillip Guerette

Plot: The Bikini Bloodbath girls are back and now working at a pot emporium called “Snotlocker”, while constantly battling their Christian rivals across the street who work at “The Underground Deli”. Meanwhile Chef Death has once again returned from the grave intent on causing some holiday havoc!




Review: The third and final film in the Bikini Bloodbath Trilogy though honestly it is far from essential to have seen either “Bikini Bloodbath” or “Bikini Bloodbath Carwash” to understand what is happening here as it works just as well on it’s own, while once again being one of those movies which makes you feel just a bit sleazy for reviewing it. Still it’s another curious Christmas movie which makes all the more perfect to look at as part of this ongoing “Alternative Christmas” season.

Right from the beginning the tone is set for what essentially the rest of the film will is like, as within the first fifteen minutes you get enough nudity, foul language and toilet humour to put most teen comedies to shame, while no doubt making it the new favourite movie of teenage boys everywhere, as it sets out to do pretty much what it says on the box, while highlighting how perhaps some of the cast got their parts as was no doubt the case of Monique Dupree, who has all the acting ability of a rock, while her IMDB profile states that she is regularly named as the first black scream queen, but surely there has been other black scream queens before her right?? Surely just because your a girl who appears in horror films doesn't automatically qualify you for such an honour!?!

Spending pretty much the whole movie in their bikini’s, the girls spend the majority of the film running from one random situation to the other, while usually being verbally abused in the meantime by their transvestite boss Mrs Johnson (Boland) who seems to be taking tips from Monty Pythons Terry Jones as Mrs Johnson is almost an exact copy of many of his grotty female characters. Still for fans of “Troma” this style of film making will be all to familiar and it only makes it all the more surprising to find out that this isn’t one of their titles, but still Troma founder & president Lloyd Kaufman shows up briefly as Dr. O’masterblaster who has a rather literal hands on approach when it comes to his patience, but it’s the sleazy kind of role that we have come to expect from him, after all it’s the sort of humour which “Troma” was built upon and it’s briefness stops it from becoming too bad taste unlike some of the scenes involving the fake ass, though once again I couldn’t help but think of Mel Brooks whenever I saw him, as to myself at least the two are scarily similar.

Despite the cast seemingly being hired for seemingly their zero qualms in regards to nudity, the performances are largely pretty good, though perhaps the less said about Monique Dupree’s acting ability the better really, though thankfully her screen time is kept mercifully short, so you don’t have to endure her rabbit in the headlights style of acting for long. The only problem the film has though is that we have no clear final girl for although the girls are easily distinguishable from each other; none of them come across as the one girl that is going to step up and save the day. Meanwhile the guys get off slightly easier, though mainly left to play curiously random roles as is definatly the case for Seymour and Guerette who show up as Prince Colwyn and Rell the Cyclops from “Krull” (1983) who have seemingly fallen on hard times since we last saw them, as they show up trying to sell the glaive as a security device, yet no one seems to question the fact that one of them is a Cyclops. Still these two characters are just another prime example of how you really stop questioning what is happening in the film, especially by this point were by now you’ve seen numerous exposed breasts, had the air turned blue by the expletives riddled rants of Mrs Johnson and seen the rival santa’s of the two stores duke it out in a paddling pool wrestling match, so “Krull” characters randomly appearing is pretty much accepted as the norm for this movie.

Although it is marketed as a slasher Chef Death” is actually given very little to do here, other than randomly appearing and killing off a member of the cast before disappearing again, usually until the film needs something to link one random situation to the other. Still the deaths are all suitably gory and graphic, with the film really pulling off some original kills, which perhaps loose some of their effectiveness due to the cheapness of some of the effects. Still the final twist makes zero sense, especially when we see him resurected only to get a twist revel which would have you believe otherwise.

“White Liger” are once more on hand to provide the soundtrack which largely consists of rocked up Christmas songs, which fit the film perfectly yet frustratingly I’ve been unable to find a copy of the soundtrack, as would love to have these guys sound tracking my Christmas parties, so alas it looks like I will have to dig out the Phil Spector’s again.

As with the previous films it seemingly acknowledges and embarrasses its sheer awfulness at the same time, which somehow makes it a strangely fun watch, though it’s hard to tell if it’s this reason or just the sheer amount of skin on display, foul mouthed monologues, gratuitous splatter or just the sheer randomness which makes up the relatively short run time, with the whole thing clocking in at just over an hour which those of you who are less forgiving when it comes to trash cinema will no doubt seem a lot longer especially as it seems like a lot of randomness with little in the way of actual plotting. Still if your looking for somthing a little gratuitous for the holidays then you can't go to wrong with this.