Andre The Giant

Title: Andre The Giant

Director: Jason Hehir

Released: 2018

Plot: Documentary charting the career and life of wrestling legend Andre Rene Roussimoff better known as Andre the Giant.

Review: If we are to believe everything about Andre we would be lead to believe he had three rows of teeth and could drink 107 beers in a single sitting. But standing at 7ft 4 in Andre was as big as his legend not to mention one of the most recognisable faces in professional wrestling even to non wrestling fans and it’s this legend that director Jason Hehir attempts to find the truth behind as he features extensive interview footage with his family, his fellow wrestlers and “Princess Bride” cast members to craft a portrait of this iconic figure. This is a film certanly not afraid to showcase his life from the triumphant highs to the crushing lows which lead to his premature demise.

Charting his rise to fame in the first half it’s clear that Hehir is as fascinated with Andre’s status as a real life giant as everyone who saw him while he charts the making of his legend as he starts his rise through the wrestling ranks becoming a headline attraction back when wrestling was still broken up into territories defined by local television coverage. Soon ending up as one of the biggest stars of Vince McMahon’s “World Wrestling Federation” now better known as the “WWE” as he helped McMahon essentially bring the end to the territories as the company rode the introducion of cable TV.

One of the strengths of the documentary really is in how Hehir manages to make a film which is as appealing to the establish fan as it is to the newcommer as while there might be extensive talk of the wrestling territories and backstage politics here memorably highlighted by Andre chasing off his minder while he’s trying to play cards. Hehir manages to explain the mechanics of the wrestling industry to the newcomer without slowing down the pace of the documentary. To this extent it can be alittle jarring to have Hulk Hogan seemingly hijacking the documentary to talk about his own career but thankfully he’s on refreshingly modest form and its inclusion is more to build up the showdown between himself and Andre and their iconic match at Wrestlemania 3.

As a wrestling fan the film more than delivers especially with the wealth of archive footage which is included, especially for the lesser seen early portions of Andre’s career. The documentary also does not shy away from the brutal backstage politics of wrestling with many of the wrestlers interviewed openly discussing Andre intentionally roughing up wrestlers who either annoyed him or he perceived as threatening his spot and its refreshing that the documentary doesn’t shy away from the more negative aspects of Andre which only adds to the build up to his match with Hogan were going into the match Hogan had no idea if Andre was going to go along with his match plan or not.

While a large portion of the film is unsurprisingly devoted to his wrestling career Hehir does touch briefly on the making of “The Princess Bride” were he memorably appeared as the giant Fezzik a role which William Goldman had written with him in mind. Perhaps disappointingly to fans of the film this section is one of the briefest but it does feature some fond memories by his co-stars Cary Elwes and Billy Crystal aswell as Director Rob Reiner reminiscing of dealing with a drunk Andre suspended on wires so they could film a horse riding sequence.

Unquestionably this is both touching tribute to the legendary wrestler which wrestling fans will certainly enjoy but at the same time accessable enough that the uninitiated will still find much to enjoy here.

Symbol

Title: Symbol

Director: Hitoshi Matsumoto

Released: 2009

Starring: Hitoshi Matsumoto, David Quintero, Luis Accinelli, Lilian Tapia, Adriana Fricke, Carlos C. Torres, Ivana Wong, Arkangel De La Muerte, Matcho Panpu, Dick Togo, Salam Diagne

Plot: A Japanese man wakes up in a plain white room covered with phallus like switches which cause random events to happen within the room, while I attempts to find a way out. At the same a Mexican luchadore called Escargot Man prepares for his match despite being concerned that the fact his opponent is much younger than him. At the same time the worlds of these two men are surprisingly connected.

Review: Director Hitoshi Matsumoto might be a director whose work I never intend to seek out and yet our paths for some reason keep crossing, first with the Kaiju parody “Big Man Japan” and later the delightfully perverted “R100”. This time though its a lighter tone that Matsumoto brings to this film of two randomly interconnected tales even though from the start they couldn’t seem to be further part.

Of course surreal worlds have always been one of the trademarks of the comedian turned director and here that’s certainly the case for at least one half of this film as Matsumoto plays the unnamed man who wakes up in the plain room devoid of any colour bar his garish poka-dot pajamas. He has no idea how he got there or why he’s there and certainly by the end of the film we are arguably none the wiser, but it certainly doesn’t stop it being fun to see him being put through the slapstick ringer like your watching “Saw” with jokes.

The main humour of the film comes from him trying to figure out his new surrounding which seem to have designed to purposely test him at all times. The main one of these challenges being the phallus like switches which at one point turn into cherubs which emerge from the wall before disappearing again. Each switch causes something to happen or appear in the room, be it a plate of sushi, a pair of chopsticks or even cause a Zulu warrior to run through the room and this is the challenge which he is faced with let alone the fact that they all look identical.

Just seeing Matsumoto try and find a solution of each problem as he encounters is facinating to watch and his background in comedy only helps further sell even the simplest of jokes such as counsuming a small pile of sushi after resigning himself to the fact that there is no soy sauce only for the next switch he presses to produce the much desired soy sauce. Often these problem solving sections are presented with comic book storyboards while he stares at the viewer just clicking his fingers and the trail and error of the situation is designed so that you want to see him succeed yet at the same time the pay off for each failed plan is so amusing your equally wanting to see him crash and burn aswell.

The second story involving our ageing masked Mexican wrester is a much gentler far and works well running parallel to Matsumoto’s tale. Escargot Man loves his craft as a wrester yet at the same time he’s worried that his age is meaning that he is almost out of the game, especially when faced with competing against a pair of wrestlers half his age. Seeing him permanently wearing his mask regardless of if he is wrestling or not felt like a fun throw back to the likes of “Santo” while at the same time keeping in with the traditions of Lucha Libre. Over the course of his story we see the impact it has on family, including his son who is see defending his father’s in ring ability when two of his classmates make fun of Escargot Man.

Compared to my previous encounters with Matsumoto’s work this one surprisingly didn’t have a darker edge to it, or even go anywhere remotely downbeat in its tone. True instead the finale is a random mish-mash of ideas which includes a Kiss tribute act, ascension and a rather unique ending to Escargot Man’s match. True by the end of the film I might not have been any the wiser as to what I was watching than I was at the start but the ride is so unquestionably fun you really don’t care, while for those willing to take a few risks with their movie watching then this is certainly worth checking out, especially as a more gentle introduction to Matsumoto’s work.

Boxset Binge #8 - Wanna Be The Strongest In The World

As of the time of writing we have just wrapped up another “Wrestlemania” which if your a wrestling fan is one of those events you wait all year for and with the WWE going all out to ramp up the spectacle its also one of the few shows even people who don’t usually watch wrestling the rest of the year will tune in for. With this in mins what better time to check out this wrestling anime.

Featuring one of the more random plot lines I’ve encountered as Haguwara Sakura a member of the girl / Idol group “Sweet Diva” decides to take revenge against the wrestler Rio who insulted her and her fellow idols by challenging her to a wrestling match. Arguably not the brightest of plans as she soon discovers herself with Rio easily beating her in their match. Now rather than just write off the whole experience Sakura instead decides to become a pro-wrestler and begins training with the all female wrestling company “Berserk” so that she can challenge Rio to a rematch.

Classified as an “Ecchi” anime which for those not up on your anime terminology means that its essentially a Softcore Hentai so big on fan service but without any of the uncomfortable sex scenes which lets face it a lot of the uninitiated assume that all anime is about. Still it would have perhaps would have been nice to get some kind of warning about what exactly I was going to get into as the fan service levels throughout this series are gratuitous to say the least.

Sakura is an instantly likeable lead for the series especially as she approaches everything with such a positive slant which really comes in handy for her especially when she spends the first half of the series being beaten down and forced to submit by every opponent she faces, with one of the commentators noting her losing streak of over 60 losses and yet somehow her devoted fans still continue to cheer her on, which lets face it regardless of if your the most lovable jobbler its hard to think that any audience is still going to be cheering for you when your rocking that kind of losing streak.

Entering into a gruelling training regime though Sakura is soon learning such valuable wrestling lessons as how to escape from submission holds and find a finishing move, all things that you would have thought that she would have figured out before stepping in the ring rather than seemingly just trying to wing it as a professional wrestler as seems to be her plan for the first half. Of course in the best sporting drama tradition by the time we are into the second half she is essentially a wrestling pro and able to defeat any of the grizzled pro’s who cross her path as the series build up to her matches against the world champion wrestler Jackal as well as the mysterious masked wrestler “Blue Panther”.

One of the strangest aspects of the show is how wrestling isn’t portrayed as a pre-determined contest but instead here is shown as an actual physical contest of fighting ability. Sure you still have to pin or make you opponent submit but seemingly no one is pulling any punches and also the reason that Sakura amasses such a losing streak as no sadist booker could really schedule her to loose that much. The actual wrestling though is exciting throughout the series though perhaps focusing a tad too much on submission moves which also serve to provide the majority of the fan service here.

Here in lies of the main issues with the series as the fan service here isn’t just the occasional panty shot but lingering crotch shots, while the competitors wrestle in the most flimsy of outfits which they constantly threaten (but never do) to spill out of. This combined with the whimpering cries of pain frequently coming from Sakura really can leave you feeling kind of sleazy watching the show, while I know just writing this now that I’m no doubt completely selling this to another sub-section of anime fan, but so is the nature of the beast when it comes to anime.

This is far from the deepest anime out there but at only 12 episodes and it certainly has its flaws such as the overwhelming and arguably unnecessary fan service but it still makes for an enjoyable filler between shows and especially if you can’t face another 112+ episode arc and while it might tease what the prospect of a second season at the time of writing one has yet to happen though personally I would certainly be down for a second round.

Santa With Muscles

Title: Santa With Muscles

Director: John Murlowski

Released: 1996

Starring: Hulk Hogan, Ed Begley Jr. , Don Stark, Robin Curtis, Kevin West, Garrett Morris, Diane Robin, Kai Ephron, Steve Valentine

Plot: When arogant millionaire Blake Thorn (Hogan) recives a blow to the head, he is convinced by shopping mall elf Lenny (Stark) that he is Santa Claus. Meanwhile evil scientist and germaphobe Ebner Frost (Begley Jr.) is plotting to take over a local orphanage to steal the magical crystals uless Blake can stop him.

Review: Constantly referred to as one of the worst movies ever made as further reinforced with its position as one of IMDB’s bottom 100 movies but as someone whose seen more than my share of bad movies I had to wonder if it could possibly be that bad, let alone worse than the likes of “The Wrecking Crew” or "Deaden”.

Coming towards the end of Hogan’s acting career though the quality of said acting greatly varied as he went from mainstream productions and cameos before drifting into more DTV fare with this film really marking the start of this period ironically released the same year as his last theatrical production “The Secret Agent Club” both directed by John Murlowski and really on polar opposites of the terrible movie spectrum to each other making me wonder how the same director / actor combo could produce two films so wildly different in quality to each other.

Opening to Blake stalking and beating up his own staff as part of some bizarre training regime, it pretty clear that he is kind of a jackass while at the same time I couldn’t help but feel as Hogan goes through a juvenile routine not only with the staff but also while playing paintball that in some way he was trying to emulate Adam Sandler in “Billy Madison” which was released the previous year. Needless to say its pretty random to see Hogan trying to convingly pull off such a performance, let alone the fact that he’s suddenly gained an equally random hair piece. At the same time no explanation is given for this man-child behavior as while Billy Madison was a spoilt rich kid born into money, Blake is a self made millionaire thanks to his line of protein shakes and bodybuilding equipment but from the way he acts during these opening scenes it makes you wonder how exactly this was even possible.

Still once he gets a blow to the head he’s found by the opportunistic Shopping Mall elf Lenny (Stark) who for some reason convinces Blake that he is Santa. From their first meeting its pretty clear what Lenny is planning as he plots to rip Blake off though for some reason in this world which the film is set cash points need your fingerprint and even then the machine is picky over which hand you use. You have to admire his dedication to his half baked scheme as the pair soon find themselves at the orphanage and he’s forced to don an adult sheep onesie which magically appears from somewhere, unless he’s been carrying it around with him all this time.

Its when we are introduced to Ed Begley Jr’s villainous Ebner Frost that things really start to get weird here as he seems to have hired a bunch of failed wrestler idea to act as henchmen despite starting positively with the electro gloved Dr. Watt (Robin) though it goes drastically downhill from here as we get the evil chemist Dr. Vial (Ephron) whose about spraying farts in people faces which made me wonder who the hell wrote this, especially when their duo is joined by the evil geologist (but of course) Dr. Flint (West). The bumbling henchmen lead by evil doctor Blight (Steve Valentine) while crusing around in an Ice Cream truck for some random reason which is never explained much like why everyone that Blake fights uses a weapon relating to to their profession as seen with Dr. Blight using his stethoscope as a makeshift whip.

Its a real toss up between which is more ropey here the acting or the attempts at pulling off anything resembling an action scene. Upgrading his Santa suit with cut off sleeves and leather gloves Blake soon decides to punish the naughty boys and girls by beating the hell out of them which of course is such a great example to set in front of a bunch of orphans. At the same time no one really knows how to put together a fight scene so we get a lot of slop-fu here as Hogan throws snail paced punches and throws generic bad guys around while they fail around wildly around him. This of course is not even mentioning the fight between Blake and a white guy who clearly thinks he’s a samurai and only seems to be there so Hogan can give us his best Bruce Lee impression before kicking a bench into his face. It should equally be noted that for such a good brawler Blake is also knocked off a roof by a Christmas decoration!

The main issue here and there are certainly more than a few is that the film never seems to know who its audience is, as even when viewed as family fare it still feels that its playing things way too dumb and this is putting the already nonsensical plotting aside. While we might occasionally get the odd laugh or two its far too often a grind to sit through.

Glow: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling

Title: GLOW: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling

Director: Brett Whitcomb
Released: 2012

Plot: Documentary charting the rise and fall of the first all-women wrestling company which ran from 1986 to 1990.

Review: Recently it was announced that a new comedy based around the 80’s wrestling company G.L.O.W.  is being developed by Liz Flahive (Homeland) and Carly Mensch (Orange Is The New Black) for Netflix. Of course being a wrestling fan this immediately perked by interest, though to my shame and perhaps down to not being the biggest fan of old school grappling had never heard of G.L.O.W. the company the series was based on having wrongly assumed that “Shimmer” was the first all-female wrestling company.  Needless to say this documentary which looks at the original run for the company provides the perfect starting point for those wanting to see where Flahive and Mensch are to be finding their inspiration.

While to some it might come as a surprise especially with so much glitter and huge hair on display but G.L.O.W. was actually a company very ahead of its time seeing how wrestling at the time was still very much a male dominated industry with women wrestlers being viewed the same as midget wrestlers as they were a novelty act rather than the main draw that the company set out to make them.  At the same time it should be noted that none of these girls were particularly good at wrestling with most being either models or actresses who’d auditioned for the company not realising what they were signing up for exactly a fact openly confirmed by the performers while their former trainer Mando Guerrero is on hand to share the experience of attempting to turn them into believable wrestlers. The show itself as we get to see through the copious amounts of footage included being often more about the spectacle than the wrestling, especially with their roster being divided into Good and Bad girls and questionable raps and skits breaking up the in-ring action.

Assembling an impressive collection of interviews largely with the performers than any of those higher ups in the company, a couple of which are highlighted for declining to take part in the documentary. Still the interviews that director Brett Whitcomb has assembled are all interesting enough to really concern yourself over the ones he wasn’t able to get.  Needless say it’s an upbeat experience with all the performers named using their ring names all seem to have nothing but happy memories of their time with the company as they all come with great stories of how they developed their characters or just working in the company.

One thing that Whitcomb really does well here is to capture the energy of the company which fitting for its Vegas setting was all about spectacle and glamour and with the footage and interviews used here really captures it here, whether its Spike and Chainsaw using an actual chainsaw in the ring or a misguided attempt at riling up the crowd by having the heel trio come to the ring dressed as Nazi’s it’s all only adds to the documentary and inturn makes its accessable not only for the established fans and wrestling fans but also for those drawn in by the crazy visual or intrigued like I was to find out where the inspiration for this new Netflix series comes from.

On the downside here Whitcomb chooses to view the company for its original run, rather than look at the revival in the 2000, as he instead chooses to end with the wrestler coming together for a reunion before he reveals what happened to them after the closure of G.L.O.W. with all the girls having left the industry bar Matilda the hun and Lisa Moretti who wrestled as Tina Ferrari and would following the closure of G.L.O.W. go on to wrestle for WWE as Ivory making her arguably one of the more successful members of the original roster.

Which short in its runtime, it’s fitting for the subject matter and keep things flowing at a quick pace, especially when opting to not get bogged down in horror stories and regrets from the former employees. Still it’s a fun watch and one which will no doubt have you heading to Youtube to hunt down archive matches and skits from the show as soon as the credits have rolled.

Elwood's Essentials #7: The Wrestler

Title: The Wrestler

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Released: 2008

Starring: Mickey Rouke, Marisa Tomei, Evan Rachel Wood, Mark Margolis, Todd Barry, Judah Friedlander, Ernest Miller, Necro Butcher, R-Truth

Plot: Randy “The Ram” Robinson (Rouke) a professional wrestler long past his prime and now reduced to wrestling in small venues, is forced to face up to the end of his career after suffering a heart attack. Now he is forced to come to terms with a life outside of the ring, while attempting to reconcile with his estranged daughter (Wood) and his relationship with aging striper Cassidy (Tomei)

Review: Last weekend was the source of much excitement, mainly thanks to “Wrestlemania” which this year celebrated 30 years, which even the fact that it was being hosted by the franchise killer, wrestling relic and DTV star Hulk Hogan it did little to my general enthusiasm for the event, as yes I’m a wrestling fan. So what better time to revisit this film, along with the fact that “French Toast Sunday” have declared the whole of April to be “Darren Aprilofsky” as part of their ongoing season of director dedicated months.

When it was first announced a lot of people dismissed this film believing that it would another hokey feel good sports movie, which is kind of understandable seeing how it is set in the world of professional wrestling. However what Aronofsky gives us instead a much more moving and even more surprisingly respectful look at the world of professional wrestling. Here Aronofsky doesn’t question the appeal of a sport were matches are pre-determined, but I instead keeps the focus purely on the wrestlers, stepping behind the curtain as he shows us scenes of wrestlers discussing how their matches will play out and tactics to ensure that they get the best reaction from the crowds.

Randy despite being long past his 80’s glory days when we meet him, Randy is still making a living off his past glories as fans still worship his in ring performances no doubt with a heavy dose of nostalgia. Meanwhile outside of the ring his situation is far more grim as he finds himself forced to sleep in his van when he fails again to make the rent on his trailer park home, while being forced to make ends meet working a low wage supermarket job. He is also a character truly brought to life via a career best performance by Rouke who embodies this character while only adding further depth thanks to the similar struggles that both Rouke and his fictional counterpart have. It is also very much a less is more style of performance were even the smallest of gestures speaks volumes.

Interestingly though Rouke almost didn’t take on the role as it had originally been given to Nicolas Cage, who depending on whose version you believe either stepped down to allow his friend Rouke to take on the role, knowing aswell that Aronofsky truly had Rouke in mind for the role. Cage on the other hand has gone on record to state that it was more to do with the time commitment required to achieve the look required. I would prefer to believe the first version. More amusing through would be the claim made by Hulk Hogan that he was also offered the role only to turn it down, a claim later dismissed as being yet more of Hogan’s usual bullshit when Aronofsky went on record to state that he had never offered him the role.

Rouke though is the perfect choice for Randy, even more so when he fully embraced the wrestling world, throwing himself into eight weeks of intensive wrestling training for the role which really helped when it comes to the wrestling sequences, especially when he frequently performs in these scenes with real-life wrestlers including a memorable hardcore match (wrestling with weapons) against Necro Butcher were the two wrestlers essentially brutalise each other with a variety of creative and painful looking weapons including one highlight which sees Randy using the prosthetic leg handed to him by a member of the rabid crowd. These wrestling scenes are only further added to by being filmed at live wrestling events including events held by the indie fed’s CZW and Ring of Honour, who along with both TNA and WWE were happy to show their support for the film and in many ways it only adds to the realism while further highlighting the respect which Aronofsky shows the sport.

More interesting though is the fact that here we have a sports movie which doesn’t follow the rookie or the underdog getting their shot at the big time as here Aronofsky chooses to make a film about someone at the end of their career a prospect which Randy continually ties to avoid by working out harder and increasing his steroid intake to keep up with the younger guys he is competing with. Ultimately Randy is forced to face the inevitable when he suffers a heart attack and the prospect of no longer being able to wrestle, while a haunting meet and greet alongside his fellow former greats only seems to highlight the future which awaits him as he surveys the damage they like himself have done to their bodies out of love for their sport.

It is equally interesting that the closest person to Randy is the aging stripper Cassidy, who like Randy is also facing the prospect of her own career coming to an end as she struggles to hustle private dances from clients who favour the younger girls. Together though they provide each other with a prospect of a life outside of their professions and while there is hints of a developing romantic interest between them it is an interest which ultimately only goes as far as a spontaneous make out session, quickly followed by regret on Cassidy’s part. This angle is far from the most interesting aspect of their relationship with the scenes of Randy reminiscing about his glory days and Cassidy helping Randy to reconnect with his daughter and in many ways finding happiness through their unorthodox friendship being far more fascinating to watch.

Unquestionably though this film sees Rouke at his career best, it only makes it more of a shame that he didn’t win the much deserved Oscar he was nominated for as he joins the wrongfully snubbed actors club which also includes Ryan Gosling in “Drive” and Tilda Swindon in “We Need To Talk About Kevin”. At the same time Rouke receives great support from both Tomei and Wood who are both able to hold their own while only adding to the emotional journey Randy finds himself on as he ultimately has to choose between doing the sport he loves which could ultimately kill him or to settle into a life outside of the ring. Even for non-wrestling fans this is still a gripping film, which for the established fans this is touching homage to the world of spandex clad heroes, as this truly is the "Raging Bull" of Wrestling movies.

Santa's Slay

Title: Santa’s Slay

Director: David Steiman

Released: 2005

Starring: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp, Dave Thomas, Saul Rubinek, Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan, James Caan, Fran Drescher

Plot: Santa Claus (Goldberg) it would seem is not quite the jolly fat guy we all thought he was. Turns out he is in fact a demon who 1,000 years ago lost a bet to an angel which meant that he was forced to become a bringer of toys and happiness. Now the 1,000 years are up and Santa has now returned to his former ways which is especially bad news for the residents of Hells Township as Santa Claus is coming to town!
 

 

Review: Wrestlers as a rule rarely make good actors, somthing the failed attempts to break into the field by Hulk Hogan highlighted, especially when these movies ultimately ended up being as laughable as his wrestling career and like that one better remember through the rose tinted glasses of nostalgia. Hogan of course is not the only example as “WWE Films” have seemingly only just learned this same harsh lesson seeing how their latest output see’s the wrestlers now being given more supporting roles than anything resembling the leading roles the studio originally had planned with this off shoot. However this is not to say that there have not been those who have broke the mould as John Cena proved to be quite a watchable action star in both “The Marine” aswell as “12 Rounds” while Kane also proved himself a menacing force in “See No Evil” even if he was essentially just transplanting his wrestling persona into a horror set.

Of course with this history of wrester actors in mind you could excuse me for being alittle sceptical about the idea of Goldberg playing a demonic Santa, afterall his stabs at acting previous to this had been limited to playing a super soldier in “Universal Soldier 2” and essentially playing himself in the underrated “Ready To Rumble” but here he really nails it right from his opening dinner party massacre which not only puts the opening of “Punisher: War Zone” to shame but I would love to think that Christopher Nolan found the inspiration for the Joker’s disappearing pencil trick from this opening, were Santa makes a whole turkey leg disappear. True Goldberg might have an advantage with his dominating size certainly helping make the character truly seem imposing, but here he also proves himself more than capable with the scenes requiring him to flex his acting muscles and even pulls off the more subtle comedy moments such as hastily spraying down a stripper pole before he uses it as a makeshift club.

Elsewhere the film has two great young leads with Douglas Smith and Emilie de Ravin who may not have to do anything particularly heavy acting wise, but are still a fun duo to be around especially as the film doesn’t allow itself to fall into the usual pitfalls of having Smith lust after Ravin for the runtime of the film. Instead the focus is kept purely on stopping Santa and only give into their lusts once he has been stopped, which honestly felt awhole lot more natural than it would have been had the film followed the usual template especially considering how majorly out of his league Ravin is yet alone a feisty firecracker who is more than capable of spearheading their misadventure. Still it does make me wonder why they never really went on to do more, much like why Thora Birch didn’t come off “Ghost World” as big a star as Scarlett Johanson did. I guess its this sort of situation which has resulted in me being so frequently forced to endure yet another Emma Watson performance.

Considerably lighter in tone than the other killer Santa movies which came before it, this film plays things strictly for laughs, as established from the opening dinner party massacre whose creative kills see one guest being flambéed and drowned in eggnog and another being killed by a Christmas star while the fact that the film also carries a healthy body count to boot only adds to the fun here, which alongside the quick pacing of the film, ensures that the film never gets a chance to get itself bogged down in minor subplots or disposable characters unless those characters are soon to be meeting a creative death or in one case eaten by demonic reindeer.

Meanwhile the film is shot in a deliberately over the top style this is a confident debut from Steiman, who after despite spending most of his carrer working as a production assistant to Bret Ratner who also appears as a producer here. Sadly despite the fun energy this film brings it remains the sole film from Steiman who seems to have since dropped off the radar since the release of this film. As such this remains much like this film a curiosity especially when they is such a fun film and an essential part of my own alternative Christmas viewing since I first saw it last year. Still if your able to not just the fact that the film features a wrestler in the lead villain role there is plenty to enjoy here, as this is one Santa with muscles who is worth watching even if it does leave you wondering by the end credits why it not as popular as other Alt. Christmas favourites.

Hell Comes To Frogtown

Title: Hell Comes To Frogtown
Director: Donald G. Jackson
Released: 1988
Staring: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, Cec Verrell, William Smith, Rory Calhoun

Plot: Set in the aftermath of a Nuclear war, which has not only left the majority of the surviving human race infertile, but has also created a race of mutant frogmen, who have since their creation been exiled to the desert, creating thier own society for themselves known as Frogtown. With the frogs having recently captured a group of fertile women, the all female government recruit drifter Sam Hell (Piper), to bring them back aswell asking them to reproduce with them, seeing how he is possibly the last fertile man on earth, while at the same time strapping a bomb to his crotch to ensure that he carries out his mission.



Review: I think there seriously must have been something in the water in 80’s, especially when you look at some of insane titles which the era produced, something which this film is a testament not only to, but also highlights the questionable style and content of Director Jackson’s films, which unsurprisingly earned him the moniker of being “The Ed Wood of the Video Age.”, while creating his own style of film making with Scott Shaw, known simply as “Zen Filmaking”, were no scripts were used in the creation of film, which probably goes along way to explaining some of his films, while it’s also worth noting the sheer passion that Jackson has for those same films, frequently directing the sequels they spawned, though it could also be questioned at the same time if anyone else would really want to direct a sequel to one of his films?

“Hell Comes To Frogtown” is probably the best known of Jackson’s films, no doubt as a result of the casting of “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, who was at the time was also one of the top name wrestlers in the WWE (back then was still known as the WWF) and when you look at his performance here and the John Carpenter classic “They Live” (1988), it's kinda suprising that he wasn’t used more as an actor, especially while his WWE Stablemate “Hulk Hogan” was torturing us all with some pretty hideous performances, while Piper is strangely watchable. Still the whole tone of the film is pretty light hearted, which certainly helps here, as no one appears to be taking it too seriously, while the frogman special effects are pretty good, even if occasionally the mouths seem to be just opening and closing at random while some of the characters talk, depending on how important thier character is, the effect really do vary with the majority of the money being spent on the main villians, while hench-froggies get effects scraped together from the remainder of the budget.

Sam Hell is the typical 80’s wasteland hero, not only because he has bad hair and a stupid sounding name (See also for this same reason “Violence Jack” [1986] ) but mainly because he cares pretty much about himself and Piper plays up well to the stereotype, even carrying off the reference to the classic eastern tale “Monkey: Journey to the West” by having the bomb attached to his crotch, controlled by the bespectacled and slightly nerdy commanding officer Spangle’s (Bergman) ear ring, with her frequently threatening to set the bomb off whenever Hell attempts to run off or disobey her. Meanwhile Hell has some pretty badass backup from the gung ho Centinella (Verrell), who proves herself pretty handy with the heavy machine gun strapped to the top of their questionably camouflaged in pink Ambulance.

The bad guys are none the less stereotypical or cartoonish, but seriously what were you expecting from a bunch of mutant froggies? Especially ones lead by a Commander Toady! Still atleast he bothers to have a cool henchman with the eye patch wearing and chainsaw welding Bull, who also has some of the best moments of the film. Toady it would seem is also the kind of guy who likes to makes the best of a bad situation, seeing how Frogtown is pretty much an abandoned refinery in the desert, so was fun to see that he bothered to install a GoGo bar complete with it’s own mutant dancer, actually that seems to be all he has installed bar a thrown together torture room and the mention if some mine, with the rest of the action taking place outside of these locations being set in random outside locations. Still I have give Jackson some form of props for atleast giving us a look at the female of the mutant species, who it seems Hell even considers humping thanks to a sudden cut to Hell and the said dancer now wearing a potato sack over her head, to disguise the fact that ….well she’s a giant mutant frog I guess, still it would seem that interspecies relations aren’t to be on the cards here, as Hell ends up spurning her advances, which depending on your view point might be either a good or a bad thing. Personally I was kind of relived as there are some things I can go though live without seeing and Piper humping a mutant frog go-go dancer is certainly one of them.

Action wise these scenes are all pretty solid with Piper unloading shotgun shells, while spitting out classic one liners like “Eat Lead Froggies” and throwing in the occasional wrestling grapple, even though he appears to screw up a suplex on Bull, but on the whole the action scenes are still satisfying enough, even throwing in a Mad Max style chase sequence.

The real main problem this film suffers from is the fact it doesn’t seem to know what to do with itself, with a tricky third quarter, which the momentum from the earlier scenes just about carries the film past, before the action packed finale, thanks to the earlier scenes which are not so much tongue in cheek, but rather tongue forcibly crammed in cheek, which really serves to prepare you for the insanity to come.

“Hell Comes To Frogtown” is pretty much the kind of movie you’d expect it to be and while it might not be for everyone, especially for those who can’t appreciate a mutant frog movie and while that third quarter does hold it back from being a true cult classic, it’s still worth a look, if only so you can name yourself another Roddy Piper movie, other than “They Live” let alone one in which he brawls with mutant frogmen with a bomb strapped to his crotch, which lets face it is pretty much all you should want to know, before hunting this one down and maybe watch it as a post apocalyptic double with the equally zany “Six String Samurai” (1998).

Enter…Zombie King / Zombie King and the Legion of Doom / Zombie Beach Party

Title: Enter…Zombie King / Zombie King and the Legion of Doom / Zombie Beach Party
Director: Stacey Case
Released: 2004
Staring: Jules Delorme, Jennifer Thom, Raymond Carle, Rob “El Fuego” Etcheverria, Sean K. Robb, Nicholas Sinn, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Jennifer Deschamps, Tracy Brookshaw

Plot: Ulysses (Delorme), Mr. X (Robb), the Blue Saint (Carle) and his sister Mercedes (Clarke) a group of masked wrestlers on a mission to find out who is responsible for unleashing killer zombies on the local community, who it seems could be linked to the evil (and fellow masked wrestler) The Zombie King (Sinn)


Zombie King and the Legion of doom
Uploaded by gregwallace. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.

Review: Since getting Sky+ installed, I have in a short time managed to fill the hard drive of the box, with a varied wasteland of old Buffy episodes, Anthony Bourdain Travel documentaries and a variety of late night movies, which vary from films by the genre masters like Fulci to more obscure and certainly random movies like this one, which like so many of these films I tape in the early hours of the morning, only had the briefest of synopsis mentioning wrestlers and zombies, which is pretty much all it really needed to get my interest, though this really doesn’t even scrape the random surface of this film, which is not only a beautifully weird mix of zombies and wrestling, but also throws in random characters, lesbians, gratuitous nudity, surf rock and a healthy dose of gore to boot and somehow manages to make it all work!

Right from the start it’s clear wether your going to like this movie or not, as not only is it shot on cheaper film stock, than your usual mainstream movie, somthing which is usually enough to deter the more snobbish movie goer, but your also introduced to our supposed hero Ulysses who is not only a Santos imitator, but also providing a running deadpan narration throughout the film, while occasionally spouting random philosophy quotes in what it can only be imagined is an attempt, to make him seem deeper than your usual masked wrestling crime fighter. Still for his flaws at least you have a whole bunch of masked wrestlers to take your pick off and seeing how Ulysses is frequently pushed into the background until needed, with the other members of the group all getting their moment to shine, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because I wasn’t the only one having doubts about his character, even more so when he is never actually called by this name.
The other warning sign for the less forgiving will be how truly random this world is, for not is it one were people can wonder around in Mexican wrestling masks, solving mysteries and not raise the slightest eyebrow raise, let alone the fact that trained zombies are also common place and despite everywhere being covered in snow and blowing a blizzard, it still doesn’t prevent Mercedes from heading off to the beach in a skimpy bikini.

Essentially this film can be seen in the same fun terms as the Santo and Superargo films, especially as they are such a clear inspiration here and without knowledge of their camp humour or a love for wrestling in general, it can make this film hard to get into for some, especially as a zombie film alone it stands up kind of shakily which seems to have been the main disappointment for the majority of people, who have seen this film, despite the fact that Case has managed to cram in a fair amount of satisfying moments of gore, but then for most the prospect of watching a film were the zombies are supporting cast, might be hard concept to grasp especially after so many years of movies portraying them as a main threat, for Case to actually take a step back and reduce his zombie hordes, to the same form (if slightly more carnivorous) of monstrous slave labour that they were originally used as in the early zombie movies, such as “White Zombie” (1932), way before Romero turned them into their more ravenous image that the general movie going public is more familiar with. Still Case even brings a wrestling flavoured spin to the slave zombie idea, as he opens with masked wrestler Tiki using zombies in a caged wrestling match, which despite being undead still manage to prove themselves surprisingly limber and actually put on an entertaining match, with wrestling unsurprisingly proving to be a major film, with Case even casting wrestling legend Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart as the sheriff, aswell as casting wrestling trainer Rob “El Fuego” Etcheverria as Tiki and also using TNA’s Tracey Brooks (seen here as Tracey Brookshaw) for some of the more involved fight scenes in which she doubles for Mercedes, but judging my Case’s comments on IMDB it would seem his love for the sport extends beyond this film, especially as he has frequently comments that he’d “rather work with wrestler over actors anyday”.

Soundtrack wise Case has gone for a surf rock packed soundtrack, which helps the action flow and even adds to the campy fun edge, while at the same time proving a perfect accompanyment to the action, while frustratingly has proven impossible to find, after getting stuck in my head since I first heard it and makes a refreshing change from all this darn rockabilly I keep hearing getting churned, while this soundtrack also makes a change from the usual tone deaf underground bands, which usually soundtrack these indie features.

This film is so hard to justify without watching it for yourself, especially as it’s horror moments aren’t exactly scary and some of the humour misses it’s mark, yet somehow it manages to pull everything together into a slightly surreal but highly entertaining ride and if you can just watch it for plain entertainment value, without feeling the urge to be critical over every single frame of film, there is definatly a lot to enjoy, especially for the established Santo and Superargo fans, who will no doubt get a kick out of seeing a new movie picking up were those films left off, while it also attempts to do something other than the basic horde movie, which it seems the majority of zombie films have become as of late and at least it’s bothering to try something new, when so much in the genre seems like it is just going over well trodden ground, so if you want something mindless and fun and your feeling open minded, especially if you thought that “The Calamari Wrestler” looked like fun, this might just be it’s perfect partner for a truly insane double feature.

C Is For The Calamari Wrestler

Title: The Calamari Wrestler
Director: Minoru Kawasaki
Released: 2004
Staring: Kana Ishida, Osamu Nishimura, Miho Shiraishi, Yoshihiro Takayama

Plot: After winning the championship title in hard fought match Koji Taguchi (Akira) is shocked to suddenly have the belt snatched from him, by a giant squid who it turns out is the reincarnated former wrestling legend Kanichi Iwata (Nishimura), who was also formerly dating Koji’s fiancé Miyako (Ishida). Kanichi now in his squid form is now faced with the battle to regain the respect he earned in the ring, while facing a series of increasingly bizarre opponents.



Review: Originally I had planned to look at Ringo Lam’s “City on Fire” for my “C” entry in this alphabetical romp through Asian cinema and as though it is still undeniably a great film and I'm sure it would definatly have been fun to go over the whole “Reservoir Dogs” ripped it off argument, but instead I decided to go for something alittle more obscure and fun for this entry, as this film not only combines my love of Wrestling and Kaiju (men in giant monster suits) style brawls, but it is pretty much one of the most random movies I have ever seen, baring all the trademarks of director Kawasaki who for some reason loves to have his main characters portrayed by giant creatures, with this film being his first big hit, while also helping to lay the foundations for the equally insane “Kabuto-O Beetle” (2005) and “Crab Goalkeeper” (2006). Due to this highly unique style of film making, it’s almost impossible to look at this film in any logical terms, seeing how it defies any kind of normal logic and is the kind of film, that could truly only have been made in Japan, especially as under any other studio system it would have been churned out as a high camp romp, while Kawasaki instead chooses to play it almost straight-faced, almost as if it is no big deal to have a giant squid wrestler, let alone the giant Octopus and stag beetle fighters he introduces later and somehow he has managed to make it work, even though he never bothers to explain properly how Kanichi ended up becoming a squid in the first place, especially when Koji shows up to their showdown having turned into a red Octopus, adding to the undertones of Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” which runs throughout, though saying that certainly don’t expect anything too deep from this movie, especially with it’s cheesy effects and Godzilla style brawls, it is only all the more surprising that links “Kaiju Big Battel” haven’t been made, as essentially this is just their antics put on film, which for those of you not familiar with their Kaiju style wrestling shows, here is a quick taster.

Once you get past the fact that your watching a film about a giant wrestling squid, there is still a lot to enjoy here, as Kawasaki makes it more about wacky brawls and even works the love triangle between the Kanichi and his former girlfriend Miyako and her fiancé and Kanichi’s rival Koji, which not only seems plausible (somehow, though still not sure how) but also says all kinds of things about Miyako, who apparently has no problem with her former lover now being a giant squid, but instead seems more about how he will support her financially, especially when combined with the numerous flashes of a naked Miyako frolicking with the Squid form of Kanichi, but hey whatever works for you right?
Still it’s not all random brawls and questionable romances, as Kawasaki includes many simple and effective sequences, such as Calamari meditating, going shopping and generally being a hero of the local towns folk, as his popularity only continues to grow, with these scenes only adding to the human element of the film and despite the fact that he’s a giant squid you still can’t help but feel for his plight, which certainly isn’t the easiest thing to portray, when the costume only allows the minimum amount of movement and an expressionless face, but certainly something that Kawasaki is no stranger to, having started out directing episodes of “Ultraman Tiga” and it’s these early years of his career which really come into play here, as he uses all the tricks he learned there to great effect here, as he sets out to create his own set of equally memorable characters.

Despite some solid strong style wrestling sequences which open the film, Kawasaki soon trades these for wacky oversized creature smack downs, heavily reminisant of the Godzilla movies only on a slightly less city destroying scale and despite having the hindrance of some extremely rubbery costumes, he still manages to make these fight sequences highly entertaining if at the same time an acquired taste, as those of you who are not fans of the brawls seen in the Godzilla films, will no doubt find yourselves more irritated than amused, but then you will no have no have tuned out by the time, the first of these truly random scenes appears. Still despite this you can still feel the love which Kawasaki has for wrestling, while giving nods to the frequently ludicrous and exaggerated nature of the sport.

This film is really a reminder of how fun and imaginative Asian cinema can be, especially when you start looking outside of the main releases and instead look at the ones which fall outside of the popular genres and directors. So if your looking for something truly random, then this film certainly fits the bill, while providing more than a few laughs without overstaying it's welcome with a tight running time, while for those of you still wanting more, I'd highly recommend "Kabuto-O Beetle" for even more wrestling madness.